Championship Playoff Semi-Final First Leg
Saturday 9th May 2026 12.30 k.o.
Riverside Stadium
Boro vs Southampton
Jeeves and the First Leg at The Riverside
(A Boro supporter’s account, with a certain valet-like clarity)
I was in something of a state.
Not, you understand, the sort of mild agitation one experiences when the tea is lukewarm or the biscuit tin proves unexpectedly barren, but a deeper, more troubling variety - the kind that grips a Middlesbrough supporter on the eve of a playoff semi-final. Imagine the sort of agitation occasioned when one’s northern neighbours in the funereal stripes enjoy a rare outbreak of silverware.
"That phenomenon is indeed rare, sir, much like the flowering of the Century Plant, though considerably less decorative."
“Jeeves,” I said, pacing the room in a manner I considered both brisk and dignified, “we are home to Southampton for the first leg. I fancy this could be a bit sticky. As sticky as Lord Emsworth’s prize pig at feeding time.”
“Indeed, sir, as sticky as an unexpected visit from your Aunt Agatha,” said Jeeves, with the air of a man who has already anticipated the stickiness and laid out a suitable response.
Jeeves’s mention of my Aunt made me feel as queasy as watching young Aidan attempt a strike from distance - a manoeuvre that usually ends with the ball endangering the local avian population rather than the netting. Neither reflection did much for the old morale.
“I fear you may be correct, sir - Master Morris’ relationship with long-range shooting remains largely theoretical.”
We arrived at the Riverside in good time, the place looking as neat and well-ordered as a freshly pressed dinner jacket.
The noise from the Red Faction was such that I felt much as a lesser Roman might upon hearing the barbarians were at the gate.
“Observe, sir,” said Jeeves, “Southampton appear committed to a style based upon short passing, disciplined control and the retention of possession.”
“Translation, Jeeves?”
“They keep the ball, sir.”
“Dash it,” I muttered. “That sounds awkward.”
Kick-off arrived, and immediately the Saints began their business - tap, tap, tap - like a well-trained butler arranging the luncheon paraphernalia. Mr Azaz, in particular, had the air of an ambitious footman with designs upon the family silver.
“Very tidy,” I said.
“Quite so, sir.”
“But Boro don’t do tidy, Jeeves.”
“No, sir,” said Jeeves, in a tone suggesting this was a known and accepted feature rather than a defect.
Boro pressed. We harried. We brought a certain amount of wholesome disorder into proceedings.
“Ah,” said Jeeves, watching a Southampton move break down under pressure, “Disruption. A most effective counter-measure.”
“Can we win this thing here, Jeeves?” I asked, as a half-chance presented itself and then, like so many promising notions, failed to come to fruition.
"Discretion is the better part of valour in the first leg, sir. One must not go the whole hog until the return at St Mary’s."
“Not the whole hog, Jeeves?”
“Indeed, sir, in a first leg, the more prudent course is to ensure the tie remains favourably poised”
“You mean, don’t make a frightful mess of it.”
“Precisely, sir.”
Southampton continued knocking the ball about with a composure that became increasingly trying, though one sensed that their neat patterns were being subjected to increasing levels of what one might call Teesside interference.
A tackle here.
A nudge there. Mr Ayling employing certain theatrical refinements in pursuit of a free kick. Even the occasional moment of mild panic from the magnificent Monsieur Malanda.
“There’s always a moment, isn’t there, Jeeves?” I said. “One of those infernal moments where everything could go pear-shaped.”
“Unquestionably, sir,” said Jeeves. “The playoffs are unusually fertile ground for catastrophe, though moments of inspiration do occasionally intrude.”
“Perhaps a repetition of one of Mr Whittaker’s blessed left foot strikes could yet give succour to our demeanour,” I replied.
“That would indeed be advantageous, sir.”
As the match wore on, I found myself performing calculations of a most delicate nature.
“A draw, Jeeves?”
“Highly serviceable, sir.”
“A narrow defeat?”
“Manageable, provided certain conditions are met.”
“A catastrophic collapse?”
“I would strongly advise against it, sir.”
“Quite,” I said.
At length, as the contest edged toward its conclusion, it became clear that whatever the exact outcome, the matter would not be settled here.
Which, as Jeeves might put it, was entirely the point.
“We travel to St Mary’s, then,” I said, adjusting my scarf with what I hoped was a note of quiet resolve.
“Indeed, sir,” said Jeeves. “Where the second leg may be conducted under conditions which have often proven favourable to Middlesbrough’s particular strengths.”
I paused.
“Jeeves?”
“Yes, sir?”
“You’re not, by any chance, confident?”
"I find confidence in such matters to be imprudent, sir. To be confident would be to invite that peculiar Teesside phenomenon - what the local natives refer to, with a certain grim resignation, as 'Typical Boro’."
“Good man,” I said. “I feel exactly the same.”
And so we depart the Riverside - nerves somewhat frayed, hopes cautiously intact, and the case very much still open.
Which, for a Boro supporter in the playoffs, is about as satisfactory as one might reasonably expect…
Ok, that’s quite enough of Messrs Jeeves and Wooster for now. Who knows, maybe they’ll be back next season.
So, after a less than impressive display at Wrexham (although scoring two goals is always a good sign, particularly when they came from our two main strikers) we await to see which Boro team takes the field on Saturday.
There’s no reason to believe we can’t beat Southampton over two legs - I’m going for a 2-1 win at home with every finger and toe crossed for the second game.
In any event, I guess we really need to enjoy the moment - we’d have grabbed this opportunity with both hands before the start of the season and Southampton know we’ll be no pushover.
So - who’s expecting a landslide and who fears a wipeout? Will it be a Labour of love, a need to regroup and Reform or will we be Green with envy? Cast your votes now…
What a marvellous and creative piece, I just hope our team can be as inventive and creative over the two legs of the semis. Thank you Martin for a thoroughly enjoyable read.
As to our chances, we are in with a shout but I am unsure as to which Boro team will turn up and certainly don’t expect us to score four goals over the two legs let alone at home again.
I think it will be a cagey affair on Saturday and expect Saints to be well organised, disciplined and looking to catch us on the break or for us to make a mistake of our own making.
0-0 at home and Saints to win the second leg 2-0 and win the final against Millwall. ☹️😎
Fantastic again Martin - thank you - this blog is great and blessed with people whose ability with prose is sublime. Just a shame that Boro often fail to rise to the same levels.
I am going to be conservative in my prediction since that way I can be delighted when there is a swing in favour of Boro at the final count!
It certainly won’t be easy and a lot will depend on how Southampton decide to approach the game - do they decide to play the way that will frustrate Boro and hope to catch us on the break, or do they go for a more attacking approach?
I am sure KH will be drilling the team to cover all bases and being over two legs is an advantage.
I will be aiming to get my ticket tomorrow and despite my view that we are not ready for promotion, the Boro supporter in me really wants us to win at home although a close fought defeat over two legs would not be the end of my world.
So for me, it will be Boro 2 Southampton 1 before the recount on Tuesday night.
Martin. That is a genius introduction. Thanks.
Playoffs tend to be cagey affairs with few goals and I think Boro’s home game will be similar although Southampton are in good goal scoring form.
Clearly Boro need a whole game performance unlike recent games where they have played well in one half but not the other.
Team selection won’t be difficult.
I hope Malanda plays as a central defender as one of three and not more of a midfielder where he is still a relative novice. I’m hoping the wing backs prove to be the source of chances. In midfield, I’m hoping Browne can rediscover earlier season form and that Morris doesn’t have to take too many hits for the team. It’s a miracle he hasn’t been injured based on the number of times he’s chopped down. Mcgree might be the crucial player with his eye for a pass. Upfront, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Strelec and Conway can continue their recent scoring record.
And so the score will be ? Can anyone confidently forecast the result?
I am just keeping my fingers crossed for a home win and the crowd and Mr. Gibson going home happy.
philip of Huddersfield 👍🤔
Martin,
Exceptional. Just brilliant. I fear that Jeeve's description of 'Typical Boro' sounds about right, after all in the brainss of Teesside folk the mind-set is in there from birth.
I've got a visit to the Consultant Oncologist on Thursday afternoon for my now half yearly check-up, needless to say it feels a bit like being in the defensive wall. The Southampton result, well being Boro just don't lose... or give a stupid penalty away.
ATB everyone.
UTB,
John
Top work, Martin, and thanks so much for stepping up 👏 👏 👏
@john-richardson. Hope all goes well on Thursday John. 😎
@john-richardson Good luck at the Oncologist, John - hopefully it’ll be a routine appointment.
Thanks to Martin for the Match Preview. Smashed it out of the park, Martin! Accepting that you can't beat a bit of Wodehouse, hopefully Boro CAN beat Southampton.
We have had our fun this season. We have had wonderful highs: the 4-0 win at home to ... who could it have been now ... Southampton, in what I think has been their last league defeat so far this season. Four first half goals in the away match at Hull. Three goals without reply to beat Millwall on their own patch. So, if we look at it this way, we don't have to look at ancient histopry because Boro has THIS SEASON had storming wins against all of the other teams in the Play-Off competition which is about to begin. No need to be shy, boys, because you will all remember having done the business against the same opposition teams earlier this season. Show the players the videos, Kim Hellberg!
Yet on the other hand there have been gut-wrenching lows: the worst being the run of failures to win at home against poor or ultimately relegated teams (with surprisingly good away wins at Birmingham 1-3 and QPR 0-4 to give some hope that the season's good order could be restored). You won't WANT to be reminded of the successive draws at the Riverside to Oxford 0-0 and Leicester 1-1 and, after the respite of the Brum and QPR games I mentioned, a return to poor results with Boro 0-1 Charlton, Boro 1-1 Bristol City, Blackburn 0-0 Boro, Boro 1-2 Millwall, Swansea 2-2 Boro and Boro 0-1 Portsmouth before the Gods relented at Ipswich. Well, "relented" if a 2-2 draw away at Portman Road seemed unlikely in light of the run of recent results, but not relented when one takes into account the very late, very soft (and apparently subsequently apologised-for) penalty which gave a point each rather than 3 to Boro and 0 to Ipswich.
There was a time when it seemed automatic promotion was nailed on and even the title was possible. Subsequently there were times when it seemed Boro would never win again but, when the the team did win, it was just too late for the shorter season we had hoped for.
The Play-Offs it is. A lottery. You can look to Sunderland last season, coming from miles behind Sheffield United to sneak through into the Promised Land (and how Sunderland has done in the first season there!). Or you can look at the performances Boro has fashioned against all 3 Play-Off opponents in recent times, when those teams have been played off the park by our heroes. Surely most of the players will remember and be able to "channel" those previous matches, the feeling of dominance and ultimate joy they must have felt during those games? It is not as though the team was being asked to do something it hasn't already achieved earlier this season. It's not as though the players are being lined up to play Real Madrid, Barcelona, PSG or Bayern Munich and told to go out and win!
I am guessing that it will only be Hayden Hackney who will be missing from the "First XI" for the line-up, and hopefully only for the first leg or until Wembley (I hope that doesn't Jinx anything). McGree is back. Thankfully Strelec, Conway and Whittaker are fit and scoring again, just in time for this end of season competition for the Big Prize. Malanda and Fry (yippee!) seem fit and available and in the absence of HH we still have Browne and Morris in midfield - just hope we don't have to rely on Morris to score the goals! Targett, Ayling and Brittain are fit, I think, and hopefully the players will not be crunching into any training pitch tackles this week.
It could be much worse. The team is in the Play-Offs! Few predicted that in the summer. But now were are here, the team has as much chance as any of the others in this short series of 3 games (maximum) left for them to play. The most valuable games the club will have played, with the prize being so rich that it has been the subject of dreams for a LONG time. It is possible that Boro fans will look back on these days with pride and that the players will build legendary status that nobody could ever take away from them.
This CAN be done. My ticket has already been uploaded (downloaded?) onto my Season Card. I am ready for it. Let's hope the players are. Lions are required for these games not shrinking violets. Come on Boro!
@forever-dormo That’s a great post FD.
Absolutely wonderful @martin-bellamy . Thank you so much for that hugely entertaining read.
We can do this. The thing is so could Southampton, ans so could Millwall and so could Hull. I am just going to enjoy each moment for what it is and if the footballing gods are with us, then great.If the footballing gods favour someone else this May, then we have more great football to look forward to next season when we will certainly expect to be among the contenders and enjoying many more good results than the new boys in the Premier League will. As far as I am concerned this is a win win situation for Boro.
No predicion. Just lots of hope.
Thanks Martin appreciate your great work let’s hope we have at least two more posts this season !
OFB
Good luck John health comes first before football ! Although Bill Shankley had a saying that said Football is a matterthe of life and death !
Exact Wording: “Some people think football is a matter of life and death… I can assure them it's much more serious than that”.
All the best !
OFB
That was great Headliner Martin, well thought out and wrote.
I am pleased that we are playing at home first, because it is still all to play for, then we will see where we are after that.
Unfortunately, being a realist Powmill, I do not think the footballer gods will be smiling on us. We may get lucky, who knows, but we appear to have had very little of it this last few months.
As for next season, then if more than likely in the Championship, then it will be a lot harder than this has been. We will need to turnover a fair number of players to improve the squad, which will be a hard shout. Hellberg will also have to turn our relegation form back into promotion form, which will be no easy task.
Still, one thing at a time, one can only hope for a good result on Saturday. 🤞🤞🤞
Absolutely brilliant, Martin. A wonderful read. Thanks for the reminder that in spite of all the social anachronisms Wodehouse still holds up as one of the funniest writers of the 20th century. I still quote him myself on occasions:
"It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine" (with apologies to Malcolm and Powmill)
“The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked like he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'When.'”
Great post Dormo. Top sports psychology.
Very best wishes, John. Hope all goes well.
Great blog. Essential reading.
Some statistics from the BBC re the play offs:
https://www.bbc.com/sport/football/articles/c0e28x19r22o 😎
Some statistics from the BBC re the play offs:
There are lies, damned lies and then statistics!
Hope MW in Darwin has managed to get a ticket sorted along with his train travel - early start from Ipswich
@k-p-in-spain Well it is not all doom and gloom, but our chances appear to be slim at best.
Yes Match ticket and train tickets all purchased. Hopefully a bit better return journey than after the Watford match which took me over 10 hours!
one angle the bbc didn't cover was how close the teams finished.Some statistics from the BBC re the play offs:
So Soton and Boro have near as damn it identicle points and goal difference
Millwall better off by 3 points but with vastly inferior goal difference.
Meanwhile Hull.... well poor Hull.
And then, what about which managers/coaches were wearing a waistcoat, or carrying a brolly, or wearing a baseball cap.
All that will matter is whatever happens over the two legs and any one of the four teams will be lucky, and that is all it will be. One team will be lucky.
@powmillnaemore. “and any one of the four teams will be lucky.” So given our luck of late that’s another factor not in our favour! 😎
Glad you managed to get a ticket sorted. Guessing an early start for you on the train and 10 hours back seems particularly bad, even for our wonderful railway! Was it a rail replacement bus service?
Depending on your route and timings, then I may be able to pick you up and/or drop you off at a station if it might make your journey easier or save you time?
No not a replacement bus. a train broke down in front which delayed us then we stopped at a red light and the controllers forgot we were there! Then on arriving at Liverpool Street there was a massive signal failure all the way from London up to Norwich. They managed to get one train out and put everyone going to Colchester, Ipswich and Norwich on it at 11:30 pm. It was standing room only, I managed to get a seat. Not a particularly pleasant experience. Hoping it's better on Saturday. Still waiting for my compensation as the two rail companies involved said that it was the others fault that I was delayed!. Although LNER have said they will pay, just waiting for the money
Hi Diasborians
Sorry I haven’t posted much this latter part of season.
Hopefully next season in the Premiership will rejuvenate me !
Come on Boro !
OFB
What a sublime intro. As has been said elsewhere, coming back to Wodehouse is like visiting an old friend. I particularly like his writings on golf which cut to the heart of that infuriating game like nobody else. For example,
"The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
"They were real golfers, for real golf is a thing of the spirit, not of mere mechanical excellence of stroke."
I can only say that for most of my golfing career, the butterflies were roaring and I have certainly never achieved much level of excellence of stroke.
Returning to our saintly opponents, I take great comfort in the excellence of our away results this season. That being the case, a home draw would not be the worst of results although one would, of course, prefer a victory.
I listen to the tales of travel adventures as people close in on the Riverside. Alas, it is a little far for me to make it, at least for the semi-finals. I do note the skill that @MW-in-Darwin has shown to make him, at least temporarily, MW in Ipswich.
UTB
It was quite hard watching the Ipswich open top bus parade on Monday with the in laws who are big Town fans, and walking back through the town on Saturday after our theatre matinee with the streets literally clogged with fans. Like you I am also thinking that our away form is good and is even better when it is an evening kick off. We have played 9 evening (7:45/8) away games and have lost only one- Coventry- and drawn one Leicester. However our 12:30 home record is not so good, played 6 won 3 drawn 2 lost 1(Portsmouth)