Much like the college football trophy Vice-President JD Wetherspoon (Sorry Vance) attempted lift at a recent White House photo op, Middlesbrough's play-off aspirations are now rather clumsily no longer in their own hands. Butter-fingered Boro have let slip yet another opportunity to grasp that coveted play-off finish after once more failing to deliver when it mattered.
With seemingly nobody willing to accept that golden invitation to try and emulate Southampton or Luton the previous season (OK I'm beginning to see their hesitancy), the footballing gods have been forced into reconvening the Championship sub-committee as they ponder whether the forces of typical Boro are just too strong to counter their plan of making the Teessiders accidentally stumbling into the top six on the last day of the season.
Their ruse of gaming the fixture calendar to ensure the other possible contenders have to win away against top-three opposition while giving Boro the ability to face the team currently sixth no longer looks infallible. As a backstop, even Bristol City have now been left catchable following a heavy defeat at Leeds with a more-tricky-than-it-looks game against Preston, who must now win to avoid relegation.
OK, some of the agnostics among you may have already spotted the obvious flaw of this cunning plan. Yes, Boro have to win at Coventry and Carrick's record against them is played six won zero. So unless Frank Lampard has unaccountably received that ill-fated points-deducting 'Blackburn' fax machine in the post as his team get struck down with a mystery virus - then Michael Carrick has to work out how to outwit his fellow former-England midfielder.
That would be no mean feat given Boro have only won one of their last five games - just three goals scored with only Finn Azaz scoring from open play. The team formerly the Championship highest scorers were last seen relying on Dael Fry as an emergency last-ditch centre-forward in a game where Aidan Morris, who has previously only celebrated having a shot on target, looked the most likely to score.
It's perhaps an indictment of the January Window that Boro have only averaged a goal a game since their prolific attack was reconfigured. That's 17 scored versus 18 conceded - just six wins against the lower league dwellers of Plymouth, Derby, Oxford, Stoke and QPR - plus that win over Blackburn who at the time were in free-fall and at the foot of the form table. Needless to say our last opponents Norwich currently hold that title after the Owls relinquished their hold on bottom spot after victory over Boro.
While many may not be able to see any obvious signs that recent stats shout (or even whisper) promotion contenders, like it or not this is our fate on the final day of the season. Boro followers are being kept in their misery by the ineptitude of others as the play-offs are kept tantalisingly in reach but never quite in touching distance - it's that kind of madness they were designed for!
Incidentally, the word 'tantalise' derives from the Greek mythological figure, Tantalus, who was punished for revealing the secrets of the gods (no spoilers please) and made to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low branches, with the fruit ever eluding his grasp, and the water always receding before he could take a drink.
A recurring nightmare no doubt Michael Carrick has had in recent weeks but with Woody stood next to him in the pool whispering in his ear "I think Dael could reach those apples..." Anyway, maybe the footballing gods are just playing with us as the low-hanging fruit of the Premier League threatens to remain permanently out of reach.
As the message boards are mostly resigned to asserting hope on the promotion front now is limited to "Bob" and "No", it's probably better to enter the final fixture with a mood of scratch-card fatalism while sporting your lucky pants out of duty - though I suspect some may already be at the stage of wearing them on their head (you know who you are).
It's definitely been a season that initially threatened more than it delivered but ultimately one of underachievement, inconsistency and self sabotage. Plus it was always going to be difficult to build any continuity on last season after 14 arrivals and 12 departures and a long list of injuries to key players.
Ben Doak announced on social media this week his time at Boro is over after his injury will not be healed before the season ends - probably surprising absolutely nobody. Also once again Riley McGree's contribution was limited as he managed just 11 starts and 948 minutes in another injury-blighted season - even worse than last term where he only managed 14 starts and 1,260 minutes. Note: A full season is over 4,000 minutes!
Then there has been the waning influence of Jonny Howson, who has managed just 18 starts and probably most of the defence has been missing for significant periods too. Add to that the sale of star striker Latte Lath and the loan of his possible replacement in our own promising target man, Josh Coburn, then it's been a squad desperately in need of players to step up and influence games.
Finn Azaz briefly threatened to take the Championship by storm but his form was blown off course after December and we were left with cameos that often flattered to deceive - which quite frankly many did. Whatever happens this weekend, it will be another massive rebuild in the summer and hopefully the emphasis will be on creating a more balanced squad of experience, youth and potential with that leadership and drive that has been lacking.
Despite all this, it's somehow still all down to the final game and a implausible/plausible (delete as appropriate) chance it could be a season to remember! Could Boro set the record for the lowest points total ever to make the play-offs? The footballing gods are not quite finished with us just yet - I just hope they've been informed about my record when writing the match preview and have been told to allow for it...
Boro travel to Coventry for their final league game on Saturday 3 May - kick-off 12:30 UK time.
That's a wonderful piece of writing Werder, capturing the current mood so eloquently.
Since nobody seems to want the final playoff spot, maybe we could persuade the EPL to judge it based on the quality of each team's best blog. We would walk it.
Werder,
A beautifully written piece that sums it all up very nicely but somewhat depressingly too.
he whole way that the season has gone is familiar and very 'typical Boro'. No matter who or what the personnel involved in this constantly shifting, fluctuating and moving situation Boro suddenly become utterly predictable. Amazingly they've managed to make the close season off-field action even more chaotic and unpredictable.
Now will our loan centre forward be in the starting line-up on Saturday or will he be an 'impact' sub? Whatever that means in his case. Is Josh coming back to play for Boro?
I don't know what the Marton Oracle will predict but I can't see us winning or maybe it is all a cunning plan. Can anybody?
All the best everyone and particularly OFB.
When Saturday comes . . .
UTB,
John
What a marvellous opener, werder! You’ve somehow managed to maintain your usual very high standards despite the despondency you must share with all of us. You’ve rekindled our interest in the Coventry game, when it seemed almost all hope was lost!
Boto will win 2-0 on Saturday. Millwall will draw at Burnley with a late equaliser from Josh Coburn (just to keep the nerves jangling,) and the Wilder bunch will beat Blackburn. Playoffs here we come!
Ok, I confess that was a dream I had.
I’m going to Coventry. I’m rather anticipating leaving the ground at full time somewhat deflated.
Thanks Clive - Sounds like you're starting to get pumped up for the game 😉
There'll be no better place to be if Boro do somehow scrape into the play-offs on Saturday - it would certainly be some party!
btw In case you haven't seen JD Vance redefining a safe pair of hands...
@werdermouth. A beautiful piece of writing to conclude and encapsulate the regular season. Thank you so much and here is hoping that this is the opener that you have prepared which will defy your perfect record for the season so far. It is not before time there was a different ending for your threads!
Picking up on the footballing gods then, wouldn't it be great for Infant Hercules to defy those gods and to complete the final Herculean Labour (challenge) on Saturday before a transfixed, live TV audience. What kind of a divine pact will have to be made for that to happen I wonder?
Perhaps, unbeknown to us, Infant Hercules had a lesson in deceiving the gods from Prometheus in thanks for having freed him [Prometheus] from eternal torment, chained to rocks where his liver was pecked out daily by an eagle, only for it to regenerate overnight to be pecked at again the next day, and the next, and the next in perpetuity. Prometheus' offence had been to shield fire from Zeus in a hollowed fennel reed and to gift it to mankind. Maybe we will see on Saturday that Infant Hercules has, in fact, been hiding a dazzling flame behind a shield of Typical Boro this last three months or so, consequently the footballing gods have been deceived into thinking the final Herculean Labour is absolutely unattainable and that Infant Hercules is surely to be slain in the arena at Coventry.
But no. From behind that veil of ineptitude, Infant Hercules will surely erupt, roaring as a red lion rampant, wielding the Sword of Damocles to bring the Blue Sky crashing down on Coventry and exacting sweet revenge for previous play-off heartbreak. Yes, these (as the Narcissi of Sky Football Punditry would have it) are the epic moments in which myth and legend are forged.
Yes, we dare to dream. Yet, is this dream or is this no more a dream but even now a realistic possibility? Surely our Infant Hercules shall defy the gods on Saturday and then go forth to vanquish all that would dare to challenge enroute to the Premier Playing Fields of Olympus, there to garner riches un-betold and to earn the right to tarry as equals with footballing deity.
Ah! But, should this vision come to pass, then the footballing gods will surely know that Infant Hercules has hitherto deceived them into believing he really has no heart, or no fleet of foot, and no brilliant white light enjoining the faithful to ask rhetorically "Do you believe, a clear white light, is going to guide us on?"
As so with Prometheus, there will be retribution for such deception. The Infant Hercules will spend the next season having to take to the field of combat, only to be devastated, then to be regenerated overnight to prepare for the next encounter, only to be devastated again and again, through 38 cycles of pain and anguish and humiliation.
But yet, I am of course still dreaming, although never forgetting that "Me? I'm from Middlesbrough, me", so what on earth do I know what to expect? I'm here for the ride, but sadly might not be able to watch it live on Saturday. Whatever the outcome is OK, so long as we do not go down as meekly as lambs to the slaughter, but that we live up to the reputation of Infant Hercules and the lion rampart on our chest.
Come on Boro, give us back some pride.
I just wonder. If the results all align on Saturday, will Josh Coburn be available for us in the playoffs, as Millwall's season and so the loan will have come to completion.
@powmillnaemore I don't think he can play for Boro again this season.
According to Transfermarkt, Josh joined Millwall on Aug 30, 2024 and his contract expires there on May 31, 2025.
His contract at Boro expires: Jun 30, 2027 - so he still have two years left on Teesside.
Up the Boro!
Thanks Werder for an end of season starter in which you have encapsulated the woes on what has been one of the most underwhelming ones after so much anticipation at the outset.
I don’t believe we need to concern ourselves with the other results on Saturday as I cannot believe that we have it in us to produce the other sort of “typical Boro” performance required.
The odds seem firmly against us when you take in to account this is MC’s eighth attempt to achieve his first win against Coventry and also that you are in line to maintain your 100% record of not having produced an article following which Boro have managed to win. And finally, Sky have new gone and named it as the main match.
I hope I am wrong but season is over and out for me! 🙁😎
As far as I recall player registrations can only change during the transfer window and that now also applies to loan deals.
Thanks Powmill - good stuff on the infant Hercules and maybe he needs to have word with our medical team about the ability to regenerate as there's quite few Boro players who'd benefit from that!
Should we be concerned that only Leeds and Burnley have won at Coventry in 2025?
"As flies to wanton boys are we to the Gods
They kill us for their sport"
It's a tribute to the quality of your own writing, Werder, that it doesn't seem at all inappropriate to go to Shakespeare as confirmation of what you are saying.
The gods may be teasing us with false hopes, but we are still unsettled after the January recruitment fiasco, bang out of form, cannot buy a goal from anywhere and have a hopelessly porous Benny Hill defence. Moreover, we are playing against one of our bogey teams who beat us convincingly at the Riverside and who only need to avoid defeat to end our season on the most miserable of notes.
I feel as bereft of hope as I did last season when we visited Leicester. Southampton and Ipswich.
Yet we did well against those sides, not least because we had enough solid and experienced defenders- Clarke, Ayling and Howson, ably assisted by Van den Berg - to effectively man the barricades against the predictable onslaughts.
This time around I have a heightened consciousness of our frailties, and the ease with which the likes of Azaz, Whittaker, Burgzorg, Illing Junior and Djilsteel can be so simply brushed off the ball and out of the game
To be honest, Coventry are no great shakes themselves. They are not the team of Gyokeres, Hamer and O'Hare who defeated us in the 2023 play-offs.
They will threaten us from set-pieces, corners and long throws but in open play they are far too reliant on hopeful balls to the far post, which even a side like Portsmouth had little trouble in defending until the last kick of the game.
Haji Wright and Simms will offer more of a threat up front than we can muster, but the player who has impressed me most over the past few games has been Jack Rudoni. He is a real force to be reckoned with as a creative attacking midfielder with a terrific engine. He will take some stopping.
He particularly interests me as a signing from Huddersfield Town, bought for just over £3.5m last Summer. We must have been well aware of him, since we were scouting Burgzorg at around the same time. I hope that Saturday's game isn't a definitive demonstration that we went for the wrong man
Thanks Werder. Brilliant as ever.
Great stuff, expertly interweaving great writing with Greek myth, Lindisfarne and Alastair Griffin! Very entertaining and very clever!
PS. Can any other football blog do this???!
@werdermouth What a fantastic Headliner to finish the season, written as always in your own indomitable style.
Also thanks to Powmill for his excellent follow up post. I just do not know where the the members of this blog find the inspiration for such continuous high level writing
However don’t be too downhearted werder when “Typical Boro” lose, maintaining your 100% record. I will blame Carrick and his woeful record against Coventry as the reason for the loss. Of course he could against all the odds, get a draw, which of course won’t help us or Carrick in his winless run, but would break your duck.
And it could get even worse. Sunderland may achieve promotion. 😭
Another astonishingly good starter - thanks @werdermouth (I’ve got every faith that you’ll break your duck sometime, but whether it’s at Coventry seems unlikely at the moment, although they’ll probably be as nervy as we’ll be on Saturday).
To see Lindisfarne’s lyrics make an appearance in the subsequent posts gladdened my heart and took me back to a December day in the 70s and my first gig at Middlesbrough Town Hall. Hopefully, by late Saturday afternoon, we can swing together, we can swing all though the night.
@martin-bellamy.”late Saturday afternoon, we can swing together, we can swing all though the night.”
I think I will stick to watching football rather than some other nefarious activities being suggested! 😉😎
A big thanks to everyone for your generous comments on my opener - as ever much appreciated and I can only hope this is the one that results in my first preview of a victory!
Also many thanks Len for your Shakespearean tribute - though when it comes to Boro of late I'm usually reminded of a comedy of errors...
@martin-bellamy.”late Saturday afternoon, we can swing together, we can swing all though the night.”
I think I will stick to watching football rather than some other nefarious activities being suggested! 😉😎
You’ll have to supply your own Pampas Grass. 😉
@clive-hurren Thanks for the kind comment Clive.
I have to confess, I had to look up Alastair Griffin and go hunting to find what you called out as my reference to him. To be honest, while the Lindisfarne reference was intended, I was actually referencing an old Boro Fanzine from the 80s and/or maybe the early 90s that was created as an antidote to FMTTM, which was beginning to go a bit establishment at the time. For the life of me I can't recall what the fanzine was called, but a couple of the creators were Simon Quinn and Brendan McGeary. They also came up with a T-shirt that stated boldly, "Me, I'm from Middlesbrough me" and listed a whole inventory of things associated with Middlesbrough. I still have my T-shirt somewhere in the Powmill archives.
That said, I have now seen a You-Tube of Alastair singing his song and it made me smile. How have I missed seeing that before?
McGree has been spotted back training after his 'knock' ahead of the Coventry game - apparently after 2 years of injuries Boro sent McGree to see a specialist after his most recent problem in the hope of finding a long-term solution.
Interestingly Carrick explained: "We knew at the time it was a small issue, but it is another one that has hampered him and us. We’re trying to get to the bottom of if there is something underlying that we can nip in the bud, if that’s what’s causing the other issues."
While 'nip in the bud' as an expression doesn't seem to fit after 2 years of injuries as I believe that bud has long since flowered and died off and been replaced by new growth.
Anyway, that recent trip to the specialist "seems to have apparently solved the problem as Carrick declared: "Without disclosing too much because I don’t think it’s right to do that. But hopefully we have done that now and we can have him back in and around the group next week."
One can only wonder what it was that was at the root cause of all his various injuries? Was it some pre-training routine, hobby or item of clothing? Rather odd that something has been found after so long..
@werdermouth - I have just read your Match Preview but not (yet) the responses. I thought I should respond right now, not only to thank you for an enjoyable read (no real surprise there!) but also to thank you for pointing out the game on Saturday is to kick off at 12.30pm. I have just checked my diary which had that (last?) game of the season at a 3pm start. I'd have missed it. I have decided to stay at home rather than go away in the caravan for the weekend, and watch the game in front of Sky TV's "Main Event" at the Murdererd Monkey.
@werdermouth A belated thank you for the starter. Looks like a professional had written it (except you had less typos - I see the newspapers do not have anyone proofreading their texts anymore. Cannot the AI do proofreading for them?).
I enjoyed the starter so much that I will re-read it before Saturday. I will watch the match live on TV at Viaplay.
I saw three matches live while on holiday on Teesside (and two short trips to Durham). Enjoyed the holiday, but the results were not great. Especially the draw with Norwich was hard to take after seeing Luton beat Coventry just before our kick-off. We were celebrating the result in the corridors of Riverside before our match.
I didn't leave the stand before the last player was out off the field - it was our captain Jonny with his three children. After the match my wife and I went to have something to eat in the town center. Some ladies were asking us (I was wearing a Boro shirt) if Boro got beat again. And a driver was talking to me while he was at the traffic lights - thinking that we are out of the play-offs now.
It must be much harder after a bad result if you live locally as everyone talks about the bad result and performance. So luckily, I live in my own bubble and can forget the bad result more easily. This time, I must admit I am OK only now.
In the previous thread, there was talk about Kelechi Iheanacho. He has been a bit rusty, but he was not our worst attacking player against Norwich. And he has made two goals and scored one in the past month or so. So, I can see a player in there, but he came too late to save our season.
I really wonder why our top three players behind the main striker are not functioning as well now as before. Naturally we miss Doak on the right. And McGree has started just 11 matches this season, and I rate him as our best player (now that Latte Lath is gone).
On paper Whittaker was a better player than Jones was – Morgan scored over 20 goals for Plymouth last season. For some reason he has not kicked on as expected. Like all our other attacking players, he seems to have lost some confidence temporarily.
Marcus Forss has been injured for over six months. But again, he was our main man on the right side in Carrick’s first season. We should NOT be missing Jones that much. But we do!
Azaz was excellent in the nr. 10 position behind Latte Lath until the turn of the year. He has not been able to play as well and as constantly. He has been tried on the left, but he must find his mojo back in more central role. It is up to him to find his form again.
On the left we should have McGree playing regularly. Earlier, we had Burgzord excelling on the left, but now he has lost his form, too. So I understand Carrick in trying to change him and Iheanacho in the side. But nothing seems to be working now.
I still believe we have a good squad. Conway is OK but he is missing service from the midfield. Morris and Hackney are playing well – even though I like to see some more passes from Hackney into the channels for Conway to run in to. Mind, sometimes the latter goes too wide in search of space. He should perhaps stay in a more central position.
But our attacking four has the freedom to change places. But for some reason, we do not seem to get the four working well together. So, we miss Doak and Latte Lath in there.
All the above said, we should create more chances with all the possession we have. I prefer the manager to have a system to operate – we do not need a plan B but we must get the players back to the level they were before. We should not try to complicate things even more and try to revert to a plan B – not at least in the beginning of a match. It was OK to play the last ten minutes with only three defenders and Fry on top. But please do not start amatch in that way.
So back to basics, me thinks. We can get consistency only by playing in a certain way and without TOO MANY changes in the personnel. Was it over 20 different combinations we have had in defense already – because of injuries.
But we CAN win at Coventry. Not likely, but this is Championship football. So come on Boro and up the Boro!
A fantastic opener, Werder. You really are the master of them. A superb read yet again.
It feels like a bit too much has to go in our favour on Saturday lunchtime for Boro to end up in the playoffs but stranger things have certainly happened.
There is a certain irony that two of our rivals were involved in transfer dealings with us over the summer. Bristol City fans seemingly felt aggrieved that Tommy Conway had made a "sideways move" to Boro - a move that he somewhat engineering himself - but now find themselves ahead of us, in pole position for the final day push, whilst Josh Coburn could well fire Millwall into the top six regardless of our result. It doesn't reflect particularly well on Boro's recruitment decisions.
Neither of those summer moves compare with the January debacle however. Losing Ben Doak to injury was extremely unfortunate but letting his obvious replacement in Isaiah Jones go looks like a mistake to me and a choice that could have waited until the summer, whilst replacing both of them with a different sort of right-sided player in Morgan Whittaker also looks like a mistake. Incidentally, Morgan Whittaker must be paying for all of Iheanacho's meals and giving him a lift to training every day as a thank you for taking the heat off his wholly ineffectual and lightweight performances thus far. He's young and looks to have some talent, but what a disaster it's been replacing Latte Lath and Doak/Jones with Iheanacho and Whittaker.
If we miss out on the playoffs has Carrick been a failure? Not in my book. In Powmill's COTS Challenge I had Boro's summer squad down to finish around 5th. I stand by that but when you recruit as we did in January that estimate has to be seriously downgraded.
And yet, here we are, still within 90mins of extending the season. We couldn't could we? I'd really love it if we do.
Come on Boro.
@werdermouth - The McGree "issue" is somehow so Middlesbrough that it hurts. That we have missed one of the few creative players in the squad for so much of the last couple of seasons for something so minor, so apparently solvable that it can be resolved within a couple of weeks following seeing a specialist, is RIDICULOUS.
If I'd been the player I'd have been asking to see a specialist some time ago as the niggly injuries and therefore absences from the team mounted up. You'd think he must know his own body and therefore realise that something wasn't right. And the Boro medical/physio staff... You'd think eyebrows would be raised after niggle followed knock followed pull followed strain and then another knock (not the sort of knock we are told that most older professionals carry all season but the sort sufficient to prevent the player from being able to do the job he is paid to do).
Obviously specialists are highly trained and experienced professionals at the top of their medical tree. You wouldn't expect a club physio, for example, to be able to diagnose a condition which may be meat-and-drink to the relevant medical specialist. But you'd hope the club medical staff, if they couldn't understand the symptoms reported by the player as returning so very often rather than responding to treatment, would have realised that an appointment with the specialist was adviseable BEFORE two years had passed.
If McGree can really recover his fitness to play within weeks of seeing the specialist then (1) I'll be delighted (2) It will be good news for Boro and (3) I will be wondering what lessons can be learned by the medical/scientific staff at MFC and those higher in the management group. Lots of Boro players seem to have been suffering lengthy absences this season - most of the centre-backs and defence as well as Marcus Forss come to mind - and if some of THOSE absences might have been cut short or avoided entirely, then that might have resulted in different teams providing differing outcomes to games in a league where the margin between success and failure may be very fine.
Ah Lindisfarne..........authors of one of the greatest verses in the history of song lyrics
"Sittin' in a sleazy snack-bar suckin' sickly sausage rolls. Slippin' down slowly. Slippin' down sideways. Think I'll sign off the dole."
Excellent posts above from Dormo, Jarkko, Andy and Werder. Agree 100% with Andy's assessment of the current situation. What an excellent forum this is.