Author: werdermouth

Boro supporters are holding their breath as they await the rush of fresh air to arrive through the transfer window to add life to their recovering club. However, Garry Monk has already had a busy June ahead of the official opening of the transfer window and has now presumably completed his assessment of his inherited Boro squad in order to determine whether they match up to his requirements. His initial view on the players when he was unveiled as Boro boss was that the quality of the squad was a factor in attracting him to the post and that there existed a good core to succeed in securing promotion – though it seems now the heat is on for the task at hand, that core appears to be melting away faster than the barely credible lump of butter that Aitor Karanka often placed in his mouth before one of his bizarre press conferences in the forlorn hope it would remain intact.

Perhaps Monk has simply discovered what most of us had long since concluded – Boro didn’t acquire much in the way of Premier League quality players for their top-flight adventure. He appears to be content to stick with what remains of our hardened Championship players who have been around a few years and become attached to the club. Instead he has decided to offload the various projects Victor Orta collected as he randomly threw darts at the reams of printouts of alphabetically sorted FIFA Pro player lists that were pinned to his office wall – however was Boro’s fate intertwined with skewed body-mechanics of the former head of recruitment as yet another player starting with ‘de’ was chosen by the dart of destiny – surely it couldn’t have been chance? Or was it merely the ghost in the machine resulting from the lesser known ‘De Vinci’ computer virus as the club fell foul to some niche ransomware planted by a rogue super-agent.

Fischer has already been hooked and sold to Mainz – it’s reported we got our money back on a player who simply vanished following an early season injury as Karanka and then Agnew couldn’t find a position to suit the lively midfielder. The much maligned Barragan was apparently offered a lifeline by the new boss but he threw it back at his chest – it was meant to be in his face but throwing was never the full-back’s strongest attribute – so back to Spain he goes hopefully before Real Betis do due diligence and get round to viewing his best bits on YouTube. Gaston Ramirez seems to have had one foot permanently in the exit door but it appears finding a club has not been easy for the talented but unpredictable Uruguayan – I almost expect him to pick up a knee injury in pre-season that keeps him at the club beyond the deadline and we then see him sheepishly run out at the Riverside in mid-October and scores a brilliant winner to start a run in the team before handing in a transfer request in December as Newcastle show interest.

As always the ones who Monk would probably like to keep seem to have other options – whilst de Roon was not the £11m player he was billed as, he was never-the-less a player who improved over the season and showed signs of achieving his potential. He may find the prospect of an unlikely move to Man Utd will increase his profile but it won’t aid his World Cup ambitions as he takes up one of those rather comfy bench seats and nods off at the theatre of dreams – perhaps he’ll regard a move to Everton as a considerably better prospect at attracting the attention of his national coach rather than hoping someone from the Dutch team remembers to occasionally catch the Channel Five Championship highlights once in a while.

There have been noises that Monk is the latest coach in a long line of optimists who believe they can harness the physical attributes possessed by Adama Traore into something resembling a player that can integrate with any of the other ten around him. It is often said that some players get a nose bleed when they get into the box – though our speedy enigma appears to have a full-blown haemorrhage within sight of goal like a mountaineer attempting a quicker than advisable summit ascent without oxygen – Oedema Traore is probably more descriptively accurate than Adama in these circumstances.

Perhaps the new Boro boss has had an insight on what it is that is required? Though I believe FIFA still frowns upon brain implants of any description, whether biological or inanimate chips – even pavlovian electro-shock experiments are regarded as a step too far for the pen pushers that control the game. Perhaps, like all those before him, he just sees the lightening pace and becomes besotted like a love-sick mark sending over their bank details to an online beauty on a dating app to a girl that just does not exist in reality. Maybe Boro should just pass him on to the next club who will offer them a tidy profit on their investment before ‘the Adama scam’ becomes part of the Oxford dictionary in the same way as Ponzi scheme did. Though I imagine Monk will be keen to at least give himself three months to be seen with the bottled-blond trophy winger by his side as he soaks up the pace-envy stares from other managers – it gives a whole new meaning to ‘pulling a fast one’.

There were no doubt I imagine a couple of tricky conversations during June – as Stewart Downing was invited into the new gaffer’s office he may have been anticipating the offer of the captaincy to marry with his perceived status as club spokesman… “I’d offer you a seat Stewart but I’ve taken the precaution of not having any extra ones in my office – anyway, I’d like to make you a a rather delicate proposition” Monk began rather humorously – “It’s OK boss, I know what you’re probably thinking, Grant’s getting on now and not guaranteed a start, George hasn’t been the player he was last season and Ben is likely off to a big club – You must have concluded I’m the kind of senior player you’ll need in the dressing room to keep everyone on their toes and…” Monk interjected “Sorry Stewart you’ve misunderstood – I just wanted to let you know that you’re not in my plans and should look for a new club”. A somewhat crest-fallen Downing looked around the sparsely furnished office and decided throwing a paper-clip would probably not represent the fullness of his disgust and simply left in a disgruntled manner muttering that he’s still got two years on his contract and he’ll talk to Mr Gibson about his options.

Whether Downing’s expected exit is mainly a political move is open to conjecture since although his form didn’t reach he heights he’d shown at West Ham he was by no means the worst performing attacking midfielder last season. He may have been regarded by Monk in a similar vein to how Fergie eventually viewed the likes of Ince, Beckham and Roy Keane as they wrongly imagined their status at the club was untouchable and became too strong an influence for the comfort of the manager. I’m sure no manager wants the shadow of a player around the dressing room who feels he’s got special status – Downing was purported to be at the club at Steve Gibson’s request and if the player knows that then he may feel he has equal status to the manager in terms of being ‘appointed’ when it comes to any disagreement. It’s likely Monk will have been uneasy at the rumours that emerged last season on the role Downing played in Karanka’s demise, which seem to have been given credence when his special friend pointed the finger in his direction following the final whistle of the Man Utd game and followed up with some chosen words in the press conference. It appears to be a wise move on Monk’s behalf – especially on top of having the chairman’s nephew in the dressing room too. So logically it’s a situation best addressed from a position of strength for any new manager as he will not be questioned before a ball is kicked.

It’s still possible Ben Gibson will make a big money move before the deadline closes – Boro would surely be looking at obtaining at least £30m before they would consider a deal and the player himself wouldn’t entertain a move to a lower-PL club as he wouldn’t necessarily see that as an improvement on captaining his home-town club. It may well be that he would prefer to give it a go at Boro and be instrumental in gaining promotion – it’s surely in the Gibson blood not to give in so easily.

Boro appear to be in the market for a completely new XI now that Monk has got up to speed with his squad – it’s looking like a goalkeeper will be earmarked as the new number one since it seems Ripley lacks experience and Dimi lacks youth and hasn’t really played much football in the last year. Players in all back four positions look also likely to be acquired with the possibility that full-back Chris Gunter from Reading may be close to a deal with Boro – he’s a bit like Fabio in terms of being able to play both sides so gives some flexibility and cover. Another move looking close is central midfielder Jonny Howson from Norwich who has been regarded as a more attacking option than what we have – though in terms of goals he’s generally notched only 4-5 goals a season in his career so it doesn’t sound a massive attacking injection on paper. Where that leaves Leadbitter, Clayton and Forshaw in the pecking order is unclear at this stage but he may be the de Roon replacement.

Though it’s probably in attack where the work is needed and it’s never an easy task acquiring proven quality for the Championship as rivals are reluctant to sell and normally lower-level PL sides have a better chance of picking off the best talent and offering the best deals. The proposed move for Britt Assombalonga from a reluctant seller has been further complicated by a £8m bid from Burnley – no doubt the player himself would opt for a chance in the top-tier sooner rather than later.

So given all the proposed exits and the steady accumulation of cash (including the £10m from the Rhodes deal) to add to the extremely generous parachute payments and the £20-30m profit on last season, Boro are cash rich and it won’t be lack of financial clout that prevent the club from achieving their targets. Sometimes it just takes the first major deal to create the momentum for others to follow – but usually the most sought after players have options and Boro will seldom be first in the queue for real quality players. Let’s also not forget that the mainstay of our last two campaigns in the Championship were loan deals from the top PL teams, where very good players often struggle to get a game. Though unless Boro throw their cash around early it may well be a waiting game as clubs and players try to finesse their options.

Many supporters are feeling a little concerned that Monk has embarked upon a major overhaul rather than a tweaking the squad – it essentially means Boro are building a new team that will need to gel quickly and create a solid dressing room spirit. On the face of it it doesn’t sound like the textbook approach for a newly relegated club but the shortcomings of last season still exist and many of the players remaining were fringe players brought in as projects. They were perhaps unlikely to settle down in the second tier to fight for the club knowing at the back of their minds they would be surplus to requirement if Boro were promoted again – better to have good Championship players ready to play and achieve their dream than individuals thinking their careers have gone backwards.

The new Boro manager has made his mind up on what he thinks he needs and the club have the resources – now comes the tricky bit of putting all the theory into practice! However, such is the incongruent nature of the summer transfer market, it means Monk will still need to have a decent team ready to play long before it closes. The risk is that players who have been told they are not in the boss’s plans may be needed to fill in and other positions are a bit lightweight – dropping points in the first five or six games may prove costly in the end so the club need to be ready come kick-off.  Plus a bad start is not what is required for a new manager – even if smashing the league was not the chairman’s ultimate wish.

On Monday, we finally saw the long-anticipated unveiling of Garry Monk as the new Boro manager – though not in the more recent position of head coach I would guess since he referred to himself as being in management. It had appeared from the outside to be a rather protracted process where several candidates had been supposedly interviewed and asked to prepare detailed plans for the purpose of taking the club forward – though perhaps they were only being lined up as a plan B in case the Monk deal hit a snag. It sounds like he had been identified as the right man quite a while ago but there had been problems with his contractual position at Leeds United that had caused the delay rather than Boro being unable to make a decision – whilst Monk had decided not to extend his contract with the Elland Road club under it’s new ownership, it’s quite possible he may have still been theoretically employed by them until his existing contract expired at the end of June – which I imagine would have been quite late to install a new man at Boro given the need to make preparations for the coming season.

Though it’s hard to tell how much of the news about Pearson, Agnew or other candidates was just exaggerated rumour to fill the void or even news management to deflect attention from the task of securing the main man. The fact that Monk had quickly become odds-on favourite to head to Boro after walking out on Leeds, together with stories in the media from those closely connected to the Yorkshire club must have had some credence – perhaps Boro had long since been fishing for Monk or perhaps he had even been poached and then handed on a plate to Steve Gibson after Orta was installed as Director of Football – at some point perhaps the bones will be picked out of that particular dish.

Though at Monday’s press conference Monk played a straight bat (as we say in football) over anything regarding Leeds and simply explained that he had intended to continue at Elland Road but it became apparent that the new structure at Leeds didn’t suit him, which was no doubt code for the fact he wouldn’t work under Orta as Director of Football – though I can possibly think of one out-of-work manager who would probably find it ‘amazing’ to be given the chance.

Anyway, enough of the chase, what sealed it for our new man was that Steve Gibson’s passion, desire and determination for the club was there to see. It was this  determination that Monk shares and he wants to be challenged as a manager, which in his words meant this was going to be both a fantastic challenge for him and Middlesbrough – so it became very clear for Monk when speaking to Gibson that Boro was going to be the right club for him.

In fact the new Boro manager said that as soon as he spoke to Middlesbrough it was was clear it was the right opportunity for him – it ticked all the right boxes. Though what those boxes are (or tick-boxes as Monk referred to them in an almost involuntary way) wasn’t really determined in the press conference even though they were mentioned quite often – only once did we see inside one particular box and it revealed that he thought  Boro have a good talented squad with a core of players who know the Championship. I presume that is now a memory much fresher in the players minds than the one regarding the Premier League, which will no doubt be buried so deep that it will only be reachable for a hypnotherapist with eyeballs larger than those of David Moyes with severe hyperthyroidism.

So what is the Challenge?

Monk is not phased by Steve Gibson’s declaration of wanting to smash the league and is comfortable with working under pressure, as that is what he says he likes and is happy in having that ambition. Though he agrees that the ambition and objective is to gain promotion in his first season – but Monk did try to manage expectations somewhat by saying he’d like to make that in his first year but with the recognition of how difficult the league is. He gave the example that last season only one of the three relegated clubs made it back up (personally I’ve forgotten which one), which shows how difficult and competitive the Championship is – in fact he also made the point that it took 80 points to even gain a play-off place last season and his Leeds team finished seventh on 75 points, which under normal circumstances would have been enough for sixth spot. Though you could argue for a team in sixth place to gather 80 points it may also indicate the league as a whole was less competitive otherwise they would not have found it so easy to register so many points – but Monk is confident with the challenge ahead as he thinks Boro are equipped, ready and determined to bounce back at the first attempt.

The new Boro manager thinks the key is the opportunity and understanding of what the club wants to do and how we as a club are going to go about it – it’s the clarity of that which appeals to him most and he believes the club has a lot of good strong foundations – though perhaps he was pushing the foundation analogy envelope too far on his first day as one would have been enough.

When asked about what his style of football is, Monk preferred not to put forward a label but simply said that he’d  leave his style and philosophy for others to describe (which no doubt many will be happy to oblige) as the important thing is to win games and that is the purpose of how he trains himself, his staff, players and club – on top of that sits his footballing philosophy and he believes the key is to get the crowd engaged and the players engaged. All of which sounds refreshingly pragmatic and in contrast to being too attached to any particular methodology or dogma – though he’d probably be rubbish at advertising something like shampoo (though perhaps slightly better than Steve Agnew getting the wash and go gig) if he hasn’t got any of those meaningless pseudo-science buzz-words to hand in order to make himself sound cutting edge.

Though the issue of who will form the manager’s coaching team is still undecided and Neil Bausor said that the club will be discussing with Monk about his support staff in the coming days – the Boro Chief Executive also responded to a question on whether Steve Agnew has a role by saying how the club hold him in the ‘utmost respect’ and will discuss his future in the coming days – that sounded like a phrase that normally precedes ‘we wish him well in his future employment’ as someone is thanked and waved goodbye. Though it’s odd that if he was not part of the club’s plans he should have left already – perhaps Monk is still being persuaded of his merits but the danger is that it would put somewhat of a brake on a fresh start.

Building a squad

The first job of any new manager is to decide on who stays and who leaves and what players are required in order to make a squad capable of achieving the objective. It’s early days for the new manager and he’ll be awaiting the return of his players from their summer hols with interest – plus no doubt he’ll be made aware of who has shown an interest in leaving the club.

Monk said that he’s still in the process of assessing the players and he’s looking forward to meeting them. The aim is to discuss the situation with the squad over the next few weeks and once he’s had a chance to work with the players he’ll be able to assess how they fit into his plans and decide what type of players will be needed in terms of new additions – he’s excited to be working with the players as they have a lot of talent but they have had a big disappointment last season – but it would be the failure to respond that disappointment that would be the real disappointment. He says the key is to refocus and have the confidence to respond to the next challenge.

Monk is aware that Boro are in a healthy financial situation (possibly one of his ‘tick-boxes’) and he will have more than a decent budget made available to him. Though quite wisely he proclaimed ‘It’s not about how much money you spend it’s about how well you spend what you’ve got’ – that’s a message perhaps others at the club would do well to remember. The Boro manager is clear that when it come to recruitment the central issue is ‘only to do things that are going to help the group we’ve got’ – which I take to mean not bringing in players that will upset the dressing room or undermine the principles of the group as a whole. Monk certainly sounds like he knows the importance of having a unified group with the whole club pulling in the same direction – something that was allowed to slip last season as the club seemingly broke into factions.

Monk sees his first objective as getting his squad fit for purpose and spoke of how there are certain principles that he follows that are key to helping this group and the club – he wants to help the players get back their confidence so that they can enjoy the challenge ahead and believes there are a lot of things in place that are really good at the club that are going to help everything tie in together – though he forgot to mention the excellent training facilities, which I  had thought was a contractual obligation for anyone employed at Boro.

Monk is also prepared to give youth a chance by bringing them into the first team environment but they need to deserve that chance and prove that they’re good enough and develop into a first team player – there will always be a pathway for young players into the first team squad, he declared.

So phase one of Monk’s blueprint has begun and his aim is ‘to get the squad to the point where we’re happy with it and have all the players in place that will be needed’. So it’s going to be a busy few weeks ahead before the season starts – though from his first press conference it looks like he’s a man who means business and knows how to handle the job ahead. The players will soon return and he’ll soon be finding out who are up for the challenge and which players look capable of achieving the goal set by the chairman.

The following table shows the current squad, with those in red now having left the club, those in yellow have had interest from other clubs and could leave – though it’s likely more will fall under that category once they return from their break. From what I can see of those remaining or likely to remain it looks like our core may have somewhat melted and there definitely looks like some strong additions are needed – particularly in attack which looks weak. Another keeper will probably be required and with regard to the defence a lot may depend on whether Gibson stays and Ayala can stay fit – so I suspect more additions in that department will likely be sought.

Just for comparison, here’s what out last promotion winning squad looked like with the players that got us to the promised land. Those who are no longer at the club are shown in red, while those who were either loaned out or didn’t play a league game last season are shown in yellow. Perhaps there are still enough of those who know what it takes to get promoted that are currently still with us but it’s quite conceivable that Boro will be left with only a handful with that useful experience come the first game.

As Boro launch their new broad-band shirt for next season, there are strong rumours traveling along my suspect bandwidth that Garry Monk is about to take over at the Riverside.  If the stories are true – and until there’s an official announcement – then it’s probably best not to head off to the bookies to put the money you’ve set aside for your new Boro shirt (in the currency of your choice) on the former Leeds boss.

The source of this story appears to come from Radio Yorkshire football reporter Derek Clark, who has revealed Monk has agreed to join the Riverside club along with James Beattie as his number two, and a deal is expected to be announced in the coming days.

Whether this is just a case of Radio Ga Ga rather than Radio Yorkshire it’s not possible to say at this stage – but the rumour is gaining currency faster than cashier at Ramsdens who’s feeling the benefit of seeing their mobile advertising hoardings running around on the big screen while viewers try to concentrate on football.

We’ll keep you updated with further developments or quietly slink into the shadows when Agnew is unveiled on Monday…

Sunday Morning Papers

The Sun have followed our lead and are reporting that Monk and Beattie have been lined up to take charge at Middlesbrough.

Though the BBC is reporting that the highly authoritative source of insider football information, The Croydon Advertiser, has declared Monk is no longer in the running for the Palace job and is now odds on to replace Silva at Hull City – so what do you say to that Radio Yorkshire?

Many Sunday papers have decided to waste some ink on the story that a keen Fabrizio Ravenelli is in the running to become Boro boss – well if you read on it reveals that the former ‘Boro favourite’ has asked Steve Gibson to give him a call. After a bit of coaching at Juventus, Rav’s managerial record is impressive – if only for the fact he was sacked from his only job a few months into the season at French Ligue 1 club AC Ajaccio after his fifth consecutive defeat – clearly he must be top of the Boro chairman’s phone-back list.

Nothing in the Gazette or Echo as of yet…

Official Club News

Still no sign of an announcement by the club and apparently no press conference planned for Monday – though I’ve checked the club website and all I found was…

I read online in one local morning paper that Boro are in pole position to acquire the services of Garry Monk from other clubs because “Middlesbrough are stronger contenders because of the greater stability at the Riverside”. What? Has the word stability suddenly take on a whole new meaning – perhaps they meant stab-ability of in-the-back variety?

From the stories that are continuing to leak into the press as we are swamped with revelations it’s painting a picture of a club where the foundations are looking extremely shaky to say the least – even Theresa May would struggle to utter the words ‘Strong and Stable’ within earshot of the Riverside at the moment in the fear of being drown out by howls of derision or ironic laughter. Rarely have we seen so many mistakes made in one season and we can only hope that the substance of the rumours finding their way out have been properly addressed ahead of any impending appointments.

As those at the club appear to have been playing a childish party game of pass-the-parcel, where when the music stops the person left holding the suspect package is the new villain, who then presumably winks takes off a layer of paper (to no doubt be used later to cover another emerging crack) to reveal more fun and games to come. Then as the music resumes (possibly the theme tune to Benny Hill) the game continues as everyone looks around nervously in the hope that their secret will not come out too. So far we’ve seen quite a number of villains revealed – from Karanka, Downing, Gaston, various Spanish coaches, Valdes and, I don’t believe it, another Victor in the form of Orta. Though in a divided camp, with opinion still divided among the supporters, one man’s villain is another man’s hero or vice-versa – as fault is becoming a fluid fact or even fake news.

The latest defendant, Victor Orta arrived at Boro in December 2015 as Head of Recruitment – which perhaps was not as grand a title as he previously enjoyed where he was used to being called Technical Director in Spain, including at Elche who had been newly promoted to La Liga – incidentally six months before he joined Boro, they became the first team in the history of the Spanish Primera División to be demoted to the second tier under new regulations by the Spanish football league limiting excess debt and economic mismanagement. It would be interesting to know how that was explained in his interview where the purpose of his appointment was ultimately to make money on deals – but the club only reported “Orta has recently left Elche and the opportunity came through Boro’s network of contacts in Spain”.

What was also interesting to note about the career-conscious Orta is that he was a qualified coach and had also taught himself Italian in order to increase his contacts in Serie A. So Boro had appointed an ambitious man who previously had enjoyed a position tantamount to overseeing how the playing side of a club was shaped and he was also a coach – if ever someone appeared unlikely to stay content in his corner at ‘head of recruitment’ then I suspect the god of hindsight allowed himself a self-satisfied chuckle.

So here’s the funny bit – Aitor was so surprised and sceptical that Orta would come to Boro – having assumed he’d be so in-demand he was surely destined for a Champions League side. However, looking now at his career trajectory Seville, Zenit St Petersburg, Elche, Boro and soon probably Leeds – it appears less than upward in mobility. Though apparently he did turn down Juventus where they wanted him to oversee recruitment for the Qatar league – apparently it did also possibly involve being in charge of the photocopier though.

Karanka was a big fan and he even pulled out his favourite adjective to describe him “He [Orta] thinks the best step to come to the Premier League is through us so we are lucky, he is an amazing person.” But the Gazette were perhaps a little more heady: Once talks began it became clear that Orta was excited – as Karanka had been – by Gibson’s “project” for the club, the determined atmosphere and the culture of excellence around the club.

So what has happened to that ‘culture of excellence’? Right now it seems the club are failing in all departments and are currently in the process of having a massive clear-out and what appears on the outside to have instead been created is an excellent culture of distrust and in-fighting.

Why did this happen? It appeared the formal internal club structure has somewhat disintegrated and was instead replaced by an informal Spanish one based on patronage – with a counter power-base emerging among the home-grown and marginalised elements who were left disgruntled by this new powerful clique. Victor Orta apparently assumed the role of Karanka’s right-hand man – though given the rather sinister reports of him talking about ‘his players’ and receiving instructions from the departed boss by text – perhaps left-hand man would be more appropriate. Also why did some players seemingly hold more allegiance to Orta and Karanka rather than to the club that paid their more than substantial wages? Was Boro sold to them as just a vehicle for up-and-coming players?

Incidentally, other than control freakery, I can’t think of why Karanka was still motivated to influence matters after his departure and instruct Orta to visit the off-limits Boro dressing room, but one wonders if the fact that the game in question was against Jose Mourinho’s Man Utd and if I recall the game ended with the Special One spoiling for an argument against some players.

Presumably the club gave Orta the go ahead to recruit a new coaching team that we now hear answered to him and one which conducted business by speaking Spanish on the training ground – Though given his contacts did nobody at the club expect the Spanish requisition? As for the use of thumbs and screws – well, it seemingly created a growing clique who thumbed their noses at club language etiquette as those on the outside were left feeling screwed and ignored on the periphery as the the tortuous slide to relegation of a divided camp began.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that official positions and actual de facto positions are not the same – Craig Hignett was supposed to be the number two at Boro but in reality he was three or four at best behind Leo and Cachada when it came to influence. Likewise it seems Orta usurped Steve Agnew and became Karanka’s number two as the role of assistant became closer to that of helper.

The problem appears to be whether the club can decide who a manager chooses to be their right-hand man. Whilst I understand why the club would want to have some control within the coaching setup, the head coach will also usually want someone who they know will be their representative and not the club’s.

Also power like nature abhors a vacuum – did Victor Orta just fill the space available to him given that Boro have no Director of Football who would normally undertake such duties and did he and Karanka form an alliance within the so-called recruitment team to work towards their preferred agenda? A club can create structures to act as checks and balances but did they serve only to slow decisions down rather than ensure the correct ones were made. Perhaps they had unrealistic ambitions to what was possible in terms of attracting players – but Orta’s remit at his time of appointment was to replicate his record of spotting and signing young talent in order to get Boro ahead of the game and to make the club a healthy profit on future re-sales. Perhaps this is why the club signed as many projects as they appeared to have done since his arrival – and perhaps this is why they overlooked the need for tried and tested players. It could even be that his renumeration was related to profit on future deals – if so then hopefully Boro had a claw-back clause for losses too!

You could question if Orta went rogue then why wasn’t he shown the door earlier? Or was it just one minor transgression that upset too many people and was he essentially operating under the remit he was given but ultimately failed to deliver? It is maybe a symptom of employing up-and-coming ambitious people who want to position themselves for the next step in their careers. At the heart of the problem seems to be the absence of an experienced individual at the club who can test that the balance of the decisions being made are fit for purpose of the club’s short and medium term objectives. There is little point in learning lessons after the event if nothing is put in place to keep the whole show on track during the actual season. Whilst Gibson’s patient arms length approach with his head coaches is admirable – it perhaps is not always what is needed.

As Boro rush ahead to appoint a new head coach, it looks like at least two of the shortlist are quite inexperienced – Monk is only 38 and Agnew has no experience of transfer dealings. It would appear to me to be a good idea to install a Director of Football who the club knows and who also knows the club, that will be fair in assisting the head coach with ensuring recruitment serves both him and the club – someone like Tony Mowbray I’d imagine who has a lot of integrity and a decent record on recruitment too (other famous sons are available).

One wonders whether we’ll all be discussing a similar state of affairs if the prospective interview of Nigel Pearson turns out to place him in the hot seat – We know Karanka was a bit on the prickly side but Big Nige is not someone who’ll necessarily create a workplace of peace and harmony. The club have an opportunity to regroup and will have some of the best resources available at their disposal – the question is whether they are ready to make the right decisions and do they at this moment know what went wrong and why?

The importance of our final game in the top-flight literally cannot be overestimated – a win will see Boro finish above north-east rivals Sunderland, yet defeat will leave us end a disappointing season second-bottom below near-neighbours Hull – however it’s still possible a draw may be enough to finish in a tantalising nineteenth spot. Though surely the predominant reason our trip to Anfield has been selected for final-day live coverage is no doubt in anticipation of whether Boro can overcome their premiership pygmachophobia (fear of boxes) and net one more elusive goal to avoid becoming the lowest scorers in Premier League history – though it’s not clear if current holder George Graham will present the award after the match.

Nevertheless, I’m sure Steve Agnew will have been busy on the training pitch getting all the players up for this one to make sure they are in the right frame of mind and are ready to give everything (plus VAT) in a 120% performance – surely the newly-introduced innovative marathon badge-kissing sessions will pay off – apparently even Gaston had a Leicester badge sewn onto his kit so that he could join in too. Make no mistake, many of the squad are playing for their future in the 2018 Boro calendar – there’s no room for a flabby performance so the players need to shape up otherwise the best they can hope for is the June slot where nobody ever contemplates looking at a football calendar.

At least our opponents on Sunday have nothing really left to play for – just the consolation of qualifying for meaningless midweek trips to Moldova and beyond and the chance to pocket an extra £25m or so in compensation for wrecking their league aspirations – you’d barely be able to afford the transfer fee of a half-decent centre-half from a relegated club for that kind of money these days. In contrast, Boro have already sealed around £70m in parachute prize money for showing remarkable consistency this season.

In some ways, a badly assembled rather cheap deckchair adorned in this season’s distinctive Boro livery provides the perfect metaphor for this campaign – not really fit for purpose, less than easy on the eye and prone to collapse at any minute with little chance of recovery for those looking to pick themselves back up.

Sadly there doesn’t seem to be a way of putting a positive spin on what has essentially been a shambles of a season. Steve Gibson is currently in the process of overseeing a top to bottom clear-out of those who didn’t execute their duties with anything approaching the standard required. Though how they were all chosen for their crucial positions in the first place is unclear. It appears they were part of the greater Spanification project that came to an explosive end after Boro had carelessly returned to a smouldering Karanka when he failed to go off after the pyrotechnics of Charltongate – instead the former head coach was left with a short fuse and a box of premiership matches to play with as the campaign ultimately turned out to be a damp squib.

Interestingly, club captain Grant Leadbitter spoke to the Independent this week about Chaltongate and spoke of how Steve Agnew was one of the biggest reasons Boro got promoted – it was his calming influence together with few influential players (notably Downing, Woody, Ben, George and Damia Abella) that helped to restore team spirit and get them over the line. It certainly adds to the mystery of the episode and in light of further revelations that rifts were never healed, you wonder in hindsight if the club made the right call in starting a crucial campaign with division in the camp. No doubt promotion had strengthened Karanka’s hand given that it was Steve Gibson who facilitated his return.

He also seemed to suggest in his interview that the language barrier between the coaching staff and players was preventing them from fully understanding the instructions they were being given – which probably resulted in mainly a lot of misunderstood pointing in the direction of the goal. It doesn’t sound ideal and one wonders why this went unaddressed. In the end he thought the team got into the habit of believing they’d done well to lose narrowly in the PL and that ultimately prevented them from having a winning mentality. No doubt it will be something fed into the post-mortem on Boro’s season as the club undergoes change.

But the club need to move forward now and offer their supporters hope for the future – perhaps as we speak Boro’s PR department are busy raiding the party political election slogans to offer a conglomerated vision for next season’s smash and grab: A brighter future together for the common good with strong and stable leadership for the many and not the few (Lib/Ukip/Green/Con/Lab) – I believe David Bowie wrote most of his songs by cutting up party manifestos that came though his letterbox and reassembling them till they made some kind of sense.

However, the only real topic of conversation is about who will be the next man in charge. We’ve seen various names thrown around and Pavlovian alarm bells were being rung in the heads of supporters at the mere mention of some – Please no plans for Nigel, I beg your Pardew and Gis a job Giggsy, I can do that. In truth it could be anyone and it seems an announcement will be made on Sunday or possibly Monday – OK in the next two weeks at the latest, promise! In the meantime Aggers may be told to keep calm and carry on.

Anyway, there’s a little matter of another game to get out of the way – Boro haven’t won at Anfield for over 40 years but they will be professional in their approach – which is usually code for ‘Yes I know we have to look like we are trying but is anyone actually bothered anymore?’ – perhaps only Calum Chambers has anything riding on this one as he’ll want to return to an Arsenal side playing Champions League football next season. Though if The Gunners do finish fifth will that signal an announcement from Wenger that he’s stepping down? Indeed will he then be available to mastermind a Boro revival under his tutelage as a final challenge in his career?

I know what you’re thinking – Steve Gibson prefers to give people their first managerial job in football, not their last (though in some recent cases it may have been both). The worry is that with a chairman prone to not seeing something coming and a manager famous for rarely seeing what everyone else did, the club would be taking blind faith to the extreme. Though nothing would surprise me anymore.

So your final chance to make a Premier League prediction – as usual give your line-up, score and scorers – will Boro flip the form book and head to the beach on a high? or will we flop in front of the Kop as Liverpool kick sand in our faces?

I suspect even St Jude – the patron saint of lost causes – will be planning on giving this game a miss if he’s glanced at the fixtures. Though when the Saints come marching in at the Riverside on Saturday it will be a timely reminder for sections within the broad church of Boro supporters as to whether Steve Gibson can still be regarded as being in their number. Whilst many will regard as heresy the notion that the previously sanctified saviour of Boro is having his credentials openly questioned, many lost souls are looking for signs of salvation after the club appears to have been left wandering aimlessly in the gloom of Premiership purgatory.

The seeds of hope planted on the back of promotion withered and eventually died on the stony silence of those in charge as they watched and waited for a second-coming of Boro’s winning ways that never came. Patience is normally regarded as a virtue but instead the Boro faithful had their’s tested as the defensive zeal of their managerial messiah ultimately revealed him to be a false prophet. This inertia towards desperately needed change has left aspersions from even the most devout of Boro followers now being cast in the direction of our most worthy of football chairmen in the belief he has committed the cardinal sin of taking his eye off the ball.

In the end Steve Gibson made the call but instead chose to put his faith in the novice Steve Agnew to oversee a resurrection of Boro’s season – a decision that unfortunately failed to inspire a change of sufficient magnitude to ascend the table. Though, whilst final decisions are ultimately the responsibility of the Boro owner it should be pointed out that those choices will be no doubt made at board level and Steve Gibson will weigh up the opinions and advice of those around him before acting.

Whatever the advice that has been proffered by those around him, it appears to have been ill-conceived. It now looks like all the careful preparations to build a squad capable of thriving in the Premiership environment left the club with too many projects, with delivery timelines that far exceeded the intended deadline for which they were purchased. By all means take on board a few punts but Boro ended up with more punts than busy August bank holiday along the River Cam.

I lean more towards the view that Steve Gibson has been let down by those in key positions and has found himself having to fire-fight, which has probably led him into making wrong decisions. It’s inconceivable that the Boro chairman has had any significant role in identifying players but it puts into question the structure of the club that no-one took an overview of the squad and decided whether it was fit for purpose.

If Boro have gone down the road of having a head coach who is provided with players by a collective management team then it would be interesting to know how and why players are chosen. I understand the reasoning behind that approach but surely an experienced Director of Football working closely with the Head Coach would provide a better solution. Have either Steve Gibson or Neil Bausor ended up as a de facto director of football? Despite their knowledge, it’s probably a role beyond their ability as it requires someone capable of building a squad fit for the task at hand – I suspect this situation arose following Strachan’s Scottish splurge that ended with a bunch of overpaid failed players draining the owner’s deep pockets as Mogga was left to make do and mend.

So it’s now vitally important as Boro are turned away from the promised land of Premiership riches, they fully understand the mistakes that were made as a squad seemingly not fit for purpose was assembled with haste – otherwise they are destined to repent at their leisure in the Championship. Hopefully the club are now in the process of planning effectively to ensure best use of their two-year parachute payments are made in order to facilitate a speedy return.

I’ve seen no attractive argument that advocates Steve Gibson selling his stake and handing control to outside ownership – though the Football League is littered with numerous examples where this ruse of investment has gone badly wrong and has left supporters of other clubs desperate to oust their mercenary owners – just look at the game of chicken that unfolded at Blackburn as the Venky’s plucked a top-flight club out of the Premier League and have taken them down to League One. We should not forget that Steve Gibson has not only bankrolled the club but he has given the club it’s ethos and it remains an integral part of the local community.

OK, the Boro chairman’s halo may have slipped a little this season – and a few Roger-Moore-like eyebrows may have no doubt been raised over past decisions – but I suspect his intentions were true even if the execution was suspect. I suppose a vague comparison between the characters of the small-screen Saint and Steve Gibson could be made but only one has been described thus – ‘despite having a strict moral code he takes money from the criminally rich and gives to the poor and deserving while keeping a nice percentage for himself’ – and I suspect any reasonably priced lawyer will tell you that sounds more like a fictional character.

In the end it may be a case of ‘better the devil you know’ as we need look no further than our Local rivals to see the mess club owners make on a regular basis – Do we really want a Mike Ashley, Ellis Short or god forbid Massimo Cellino in charge of our club? Saints they are not and I’ve seen no indication that any of their supporters are planning a trip to Rome in order to persuade the Pope to canonise them.

Although, those educated in the Holgate will no doubt be familiar with the folklore associated with one particular pilgrimage to the Vatican by our north-east rivals, but I suspect few will be aware of the full story behind that famous terrace chant.

All the Geordies went to Rome just to see the Pope,
All the Geordies went to Rome just to see the Pope,
All the Geordies went to Rome just to see the Pope,
and this is what he said…

Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem.

This rather unexpected response left them somewhat dumbfounded, as unfortunately all the Geordies in the party had opting against studying O-level Latin in their formative years – indeed anecdotal evidence suggests even English was a struggle for most of them. Though thankfully as they convened later in a local bar, they were ably assisted by a pidgeon fancier from South Bank who was on a scouting mission in St Peter’s Square and he kindly helped them piece together a translation. It’s fair to say, the Geordies were genuinely shocked to discover that not only was the Pope a Boro admirer but he’d also dropped the F-bomb in conjunction with the word dynamite – explosive stuff!

Whilst this translation was widely accepted on the terraces of Ayresome Park the story did have a few obvious anomalies – firstly it most-likely wasn’t ‘all’ the Geordies, this was pre-Ryan Air and the logistics of simultaneously transporting so many people to Rome would seem to suggest artistic licence had been deployed to simply exaggerate the numbers. Secondly, the precise question posed to the Pope by let’s say half-a-dozen or so Geordies concerning the immaculately conceived nature of their trophy cabinet was: “As long-suffering Newcastle supporters, will we ever get the chance to enjoy actually winning something?“ Incidentally, scholars have since deduced that the Pontif’s Latin reply was in fact a quote from Cicero, which actually translates as:

No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful.

Wise words indeed, and now that our friends up the road have captured the Championship title this season, they are now in some generous eyes technically no longer trophy virgins – OK they’ve waited a long time for this moment, so let’s take a leaf out of Antonio Conte and applaud them on finally ending their years of pain and let’s hope the HMRC investigation doesn’t put rain cheque on their parade.

Anyway, I’ve almost forgot, Boro play their final Premier League home game of the season on Saturday – though to be honest it’s not a match I’m in anyway eagerly anticipating. It’s the deadest of dead-rubbers in a dead-end season that can’t redeem anything that has gone before – if Boro put in a performance and win convincingly it would surely only provoke the sentiment of exasperation as supporters wonder why they waited until it was too late. A safe bet would be 0-0 as the players from both sides try to avoid a beach-preventing injury – we’ll probably see the most urgency on the lap of ‘honour’ at the end as Adama finally faces stiff competition in the sprinting stakes. Perhaps Boro watchers will be keenly observing Ben Gibson’s goodbye to see if it appears to indicate a permanent farewell.

So will the Saints steal a march on Boro and leave us miserable as sin? Or will we witness the guilty pleasure of victory as Boro belatedly bedevil their opponents? I know many of you will remain professional to the end and will be keen on giving your predictions on the line-up, score and scorers – plus who will win the eagerly awaited lap of honour sprint and be first down the tunnel?

The Battle of Stamford Bridge Society are in the process of producing a complementary tapestry to the Bayeux and Fulford ones to commemorate this historical event and have recently been sending test designs to ‘enthusiastic embroiderers’. Though Boro’s season has already been well and truly stitched up due to a prolonged lack of a cutting edge and no amount of embroidering will create a picture other than one of an opportunity missed. Though before they finalise their designs they may want to consider saving a corner of the canvas in anticipation of Monday evening’s epic encounter as our Premiership future hangs by a ever-fraying thread. But Steve Agnew’s men must soldier on – so as they march south for the potential king-maker skirmish at the Bridge they must try to be brave in their approach.

Following the demise of Aitor the Confessor earlier in the year (though admittedly he only confessed to not having a Plan B and wanting to weave a soporific tippy-tapestry spell over the opposition) a lack of a clear succession meant pretenders to the precarious Boro throne are now openly starting to stake their claim. News that waiting in the wings are Ryan from the House of Lancaster and Fabrizio of Perugia have hardly been met with much support, therefore Lord Gibson of Bulkhaul will do well to take wise council before presenting the crown to any of these young pretenders.

Boro followers have got used to having their weekends ruined this season and the potential of being relegated at Chelsea would more than eclipse the misery that has been endured previously. Thankfully those in charge have taken pity and come up with a rather ingenious solution – play the game on a Monday evening. Though I suspect that may fall under the category of cruel and unusual punishment for many as the agony of long-anticipated relegation is simply prolonged – with some bookies offering odds of more than 20-1 that Boro come away with all three desperately-needed points.

Indeed, the Italian three-piece-suited footballing fashion victim and Chelsea manager Antonio Conte had declared Monday’s encounter will be between two desperate teams who would both be desperate to win – though that was before Spurs not only ruined their supporters weekend but gave them a miserable Friday evening as an added bonus by losing to the Hammers. So instead the game will now feature only one desperate team and another with a free hit to all but clinch the title.

Incidentally, I think Steve Agnew should try not to be intimidated on the touchline by the over-dressed over-animated Italian as he repeatedly de-tousles his flowing mane in his technical catwalk in homage to yet another smart Chelsea move. Perhaps rather than turning up in his sensible fit-for-purpose SA-monogrammed tracksuit, the Boro boss should instead front up in top hat and tails, in fact maybe the whole coaching staff should too, in an attempt to usurp the opposition in the best-dressed stakes. Though there’s always a risk of appearing like a group of undertakers and sending a negative message to the players that they are anticipating attending the post-match funeral of Boro’s season. OK, maybe post-apocalyptic Matrix-style long leather coats would make a suitable statement instead as Boro try to dodge the slow-motion relegation bullet – it’s never an easy decision for the discerning up-and-coming coach to know what look to go for in a big game these days – perhaps the FA probably need to create a style badge.

To make matters worse, the Tigers are set to do battle with the already doomed Black Cats in what now looks like a feline mismatch that will attract condemnation of those opposed to cruel sports. Whether the announcement by David Moyes that he intends to be manager at Sunderland next season will slap his players out of their relegation-induced vacant trance is debatable – though speculation that Aitor Karanka is preparing to return to football at the Wearside club has been emanating from the Spanish media this week. Shall we expect future declarations from the former Boro boss if he’s under fire that “When I first came here there were only 38,000 in the ground, now we play in front of a full house”. He also may discover quite quickly that Ellis Short is not as patient as Steve Gibson when it comes to goal droughts.

If that wasn’t enough, the last day of the season is likely to see Hull now hosting the crest-fallen Spurs cockerels, who now look certain to miss out once again on the title they covet – while Boro travel to Anfield where Liverpool will probably be fully focused on needing something to secure a Champions League slot over one of the Manchester clubs.

The good news is that Steve Agnew may have identified a weakness in the Chelsea side – though he prefers to keep it a secret as Boro look to exploit the chink in the Blues flank. I suspect the Chelsea defensive lines may be vulnerable to charging cavalry and it’s possible Adama may be used as some form of battering ram – also as Boro lay siege to the Chelsea in the latter stages they may consider introducing the trebuchet to launch projectiles in the direction of Gestede as he stands behind enemy lines. Whether Conte has managed to identify any Boro weaknesses may have a greater impact on proceedings as he has far more weapons at his disposal than we could possibly dream of possessing.

As for team selection, Agnew is still without Viktor Valdes and Ayala and Leadbitter are doubtful – also after sitting out his one-match ban, Gaston Ramirez was left to hang by the Boro boss last week following his return to availability for selection. But it now seems the former king of the Riverside has developed a pelvic problem – though it’s possible he may still be all shook up from his Transporter Bridge bungee experience and is suffering a bit of whiplash – but those of suspicious minds who have observed his career shenanigans (as they say in Uruguay) may want to tell ‘the pelvis’ that ‘you ain’t nothin but a groundhog, cryin [wolf] all the time’ – no doubt return to sender is probably on the club’s end-of-season playlist.

I can’t see Boro playing anything other than keeping it tight as their best hope is not to need come from behind – and with a bit of luck having something to defend. The fact that Chelsea play with a back three may encourage Boro to follow suit – but a back four of Fabio, Chambers, Gibson and Friend with the three-man defensive shield of Clayton, de Roon and Forshaw is probably most likely – I think Downing, Negedo and Adama rather than Stuani is a better option as we need to give Chelsea’s wing-backs something to occupy their minds if we are to avoid being pinned in our own half.

So will our Premiership fate by sewn up on Monday evening or will Boro soldier on after a defiant act of regicide at Stamford Bridge – as usual make your predictions on team, score and scorers – plus how many players will battering-ram Adama skittle over as he’s launched at the Chelsea defensive lines?

Before the season kicked off in August a number of learned regular posters proffered their thoughts and expectations back on Untypical Boro – So before we pass judgement on the evidence brought before us as Boro’s season enters the dock – I’ve briefly disabled the WordPress swear filter and retrospectively swore in a jury of 12 yet-to-be-angry men (or possibly women). These distinguished pillars (other labels are available) of the blog sat round a virtual table to deliberate and give their pre-season verdict under an oath of an unwavering allegiance to the mighty Boro. They stroked their virtual beards and raised their furrowed browsers as they anticipated the trials and tribulations that lay ahead in the return to top-flight football.

So as Boro lie in their self-made death bed, it’s time to hear the truth, the whole (edited) truth and nothing but the truth of what people anticipated back in August. After donning their false beards, mustaches and over-sized hats, our puritanical disguised blog jurors opinions have been labelled 1-12 with their names replaced with a short descriptive phrase. There are some clues in their comments as to who they might be – maybe even some of you can identify them or even spot your own words in some cases. I’ll reveal which poster belongs to which number later in the week. Note, I’ve extracted parts of comments and edited down some for the sake of brevity, since many of us are not adverse to writing the odd lengthy post.

Anyway, some interesting insights mixed in with a bit of humour, apprehension and in some cases perhaps a large lung-full of foam fumes were inhaled prior to writing… So at the risk of looking like an auctioneer in a badly advised wig, doing a less than feeble impression of the Mighty Thor as I wield my small wooden hammer of truth – Order! Order! Silence in the court of public opinion…

Juror 1: Do I not like Watford?

Then, there’s the ‘do a Watford’ theme. [Responding to AV suggesting Boro could try to emulate Watford] Is that the same Watford who sacked their manager halfway through the season when they went all wobbly and then they managed to nurse the sick patient over the winning line before all the lights went out. God, how I wish we do a Watford (not!!!), as the Riverside will be like a morgue after January and even Leo will be looking through the gaps in his fingers as AK spins madly around screaming at the players in the dressing room, telling them how they simply aren’t working hard enough and he’s never going to manage such a bunch of wastlings ever again in all eternity.

Then, a draw becomes the new win. Happy Days!!!!! Bring it on.

Juror 2: Not happy with just surviving

I can’t say I’d be happy with 17th place this season – it would mean we’ve endured a hard slog of a season with very little to cheer about and will probably mean we’ll lose twice as many games as we’ll win.

So happy wouldn’t be the word for me as it would have meant our signings didn’t come off and Karanka wasn’t able to get to grips with the league and questions will be asked if another season could be risked.

I prefer to look at the PL as two or maybe three leagues – The obvious big boys of Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man City, Man Utd and Spurs – plus I’d add Leicester and West Ham on the merit of their previous season.

But that leaves a second league of 12 clubs who if they get it right can finish close to eighth – but if they don’t get their act together consistently then a season around the drop zone awaits them. So for the rest, take away the PL hype and the notion of spending big equates to anything other than it often just wastes cash if the team dynamics are wrong.

Boro have momentum and have bedded in a few new signings in pre-season and have a tried and tested method of playing that everyone buys into – this means to me that I’m looking at 10th spot as proof that everything from Steve Gibson’s financial backing, the new recruitment team, Karanka’s tactics and the team spirit and work ethic are on the money.

Therefore, other than the obvious of just avoiding relegation, I don’t think anyone at the club should be ‘happy’ – perhaps relieved would be the word after the last game if that was our final position.

Happy to avoid relegation is just a cliche to disguise the fact that a club got it wrong – We’ve seen plenty of clubs punch above their financial status with Leicester being the ultimate example.

This season won’t be easy but that’s the challenge everyone should be up for – including the fans. We need a good start and the opening fixtures have give us a chance – after that it’s about keeping focused and working hard.

Prediction: 11th

Juror 3: Under no illusions

I too enjoyed last season and was lucky enough to be able to see every game. It was full of thrills, excitement, anguish, fear and every other emotion imaginable.

I’m under no illusion of what this season will be like. Points will be harder to win, and if we follow the trend of most promoted clubs nearly half of our games will be defeats. Staying up is the priority and if we aren’t embroiled in a relegation fight then it will be a bonus.

I hope all the new season ticket holders realise this, I could never understand why we didn’t sell out week after week last season when there was almost an 80% chance we would win and now people have come back in their thousands for Premier League football and a 50% chance of seeing a defeat and no doubt a couple of pastings.

Juror 4: Hoping to finish above Sunderland

Predicting a season with any degree of confidence is troublesome. There is the best part of a month left of the summer transfer window, another to come in January and, most significant of all, many managerial sackings to come. However, it has never stopped us before so what the heck…

As noted previously, I see the Premier League as consisting of three sections with ourselves in the bottom group along with Bournemouth, Burnley, Crystal Palace, Hull, Sunderland, Swansea, Watford and West Brom. There will be clubs that surprise in both directions but I think we can realistically finish anywhere from 12th down.

There are reasons to be optimistic, though – some regarding our good work, some related to our competitors relative shortcomings. AV was right to say that we are several years behind other clubs in terms of Premier League experience and nous. But in some ways we are ahead.

Take Sunderland for example. They have changed managers once again and have achieved little in terms of recruitment. Moyes will want his own players signed and to have his own ideas imprinted. It will take time.

Boro on the other hand appear to have been working towards this moment for some time. Our style and “philosophy” are established and we have recruited swiftly, in numbers and to a thought-out plan. In those terms, we appear well ahead of Sunderland and start the season with a momentum that left Sunderland with Allardyce. We can have justified hope of finishing above them.

Burnley and Hull, cannot claim to have much more Premier League experience and nous. To me, both appear to have worse squads than the last time they were in this division (no Ings or Trippier for Burnley this time) and, though I’m sure the The Clarets will be combative and competitive, I think we have passed them in the pit lane and will finish above them whilst Hull, as far as I’m concerned, are already relegated and dead last at that.

So, whilst I agree with AV’s assessment that this season is going to be very different to the last couple and we are going to have to get used to losing games again, I feel we are in a better position than 4 or 5 others – I predict 15th.

Juror 5: Heightened level of expectations

For a multitude of reasons I would expect Hull to be a car crash in slow motion so that leaves two others for the drop. Burnley and Boro would be the likely favourites and it appears that Burnley like last time around won’t be splashing serious cash, seemingly content with a Yo Yo existence which if that means the club is kept solvent and run sensibly then who am I to knock it? Just ask Leeds, Pompey or Bolton fans.

There is usually at least one “established” (even if for only a couple of Seasons) Premier club that drops out (Swansea, Palace, Makems, Baggies, who knows?) so on that basis I would guesstimate that either Burnley or Boro will survive but my heart ruling my head means I’m going with Boro of course. That 17th place is not so insurmountable after all, at least in my mind.

Now throw into the mix the arrival of a serious number crunching analyst behind the scenes. Experienced recruiters in place and consequently the arrival of nearly a full team sourced from far and wide who on paper indicate a significant uplift in both experience and hopefully quality and I am expecting more than 17th. The 17th position I reckon is achievable with last years squad so with the newbies on board I’m expecting a more credible and comfortable finish with over 45 points achieved and more likely 48 to 52 points recorded come next May.

I predict my forthcoming “whingeing” potential will be benchmarked by my heightened level of expectations even accepting of the fact that probably two or more of our recruits will be unmitigated duffers. nb. Thats a whole post and I haven’t once mentioned the Kit, Gastric Band or Adidas!

Juror 6: Keeping it short

I’ll keep it short – Boro to get 60 (Sixty) points, I would imagine that should be enough to stave off relegation.

Juror 7: Hoping for a good finish

I would like to add that we were as good as Sunderland, Newcastle etc. already last season. And we have momentum now. And a few additions to the squad – some very good. And a very good manager. So I hope we fare as well as Watford and Bournemouth did last season in the PL.

I think even AK mentioned Bournemouth as an example for Boro in spring. I see Bournemouth were 16th and Watford were 13th last season. So our goal must be somewhere between 14th and 15th in the league.

So my prediction is 14th. I hope we will do better and finish in around 10th. But I will be happy with a survival and hence predict Boro to finish at 14th place.

Juror 8: Living the dream

In my dreams I have us surprising more than a few teams this season, as well as the BBC pundits, and clocking 52 points or more. However, in my more sanguine moments when I do a run through the fixtures I realise that is perhaps not likely.

So, I am hoping for between 45 and 48 points for us this season, which should be enough to see us finish between 10th and 14th. I’ll plump for 13th place (unlucky for some).

Juror 9: Don’t drop like a stone

The vital thing this season is that we do not get relegated. 17th would achieve the same result for us this season that the promotion we were all ecstatically celebrating only a few weeks ago did last season. It’s that important,and would be no mean feat.

Consolidating our finances and our enhanced status, and providing a springboard for further development of both the club and the area are all at stake in securing that safety spot.

Of course, I hope that we do better than 17th. But I would have liked to have seen one more signing of genuine quality to augment the efficiency and organisational qualities that we undoubtedly possess in order to secure it.

Another signing of Ramirez-like quality to add some inspiration to all of that perspiration. I still believe that that is what we need to guarantee the mid-table security we all hope for.

As we know there is always one club that drops like a stone towards the end of the season. We will need to have plenty of points in the bag to ensure that it’s not us.

16th for me then, but, I’m not arguing with Ben Gibson – I’d take 17th now.

Juror 10: It does not get any better

For me, personally this is it, competing in the greatest domestic league in world football, it does not get any better and I am determined to enjoy every match as they come along. I had actually forgotten all about the coup and the Charlton debacle, I am excellent at holding grudges, but all that seems like years ago and immaterial now.

We have had a deep pre-season, cleverly structured friendly matches, each team we have played better than the last in my opinion, generally preparing well. Recruiting, we seem to have made some good prudent choices without breaking the bank while keeping the sprit together. Negredo, for me if we can get the ball to him he could be phenomenal.

If we take our chances, keep errors to a minimum, ride our luck I think a mid 40’s points tally could be achievable. If Bournemouth and Watford could do it then so can we.

Juror 11: A load of old trout

I posted some time ago we were building a squad to compete with the lower part of the table. We haven’t spent squillions though the wage bill would make us wince if we knew it. It may be we have some bargains amongst those signings, we don’t know.

What we do have to remember that summer business is a bit like a trout stream. If you stand and watch a swim you will see a hierarchy in operation. The biggest trout has the best position to take the food being washed down stream, the rest hold station according to their size.

Before relegation we were down the food chain, after it we fed on scraps, we have gradually moved up the pecking order. How quickly you get your squad sorted and with what level of quality depends on the perceived attractiveness of the club.

Last summer we were a top six championship club, the summer before a mid table team, the summer before that a club that had imploded.

Now we are a promoted club, that is all. For now. If things go well we could develop in to a Premier league side. Many come straight back down, many come down second season.

To put our summer in to perspective Bournemouth have spent £37m, Palace £23m, Watford £21m, plus of course loans etc. Others have spent less but they are all teams who stayed up and are building on that experience. They all have scouting systems and access to the same data we have.

Fellow promoted sides Hull and Burnley seem to be preparing for a swift return but you cant be certain how they will get on.

Staying up would be success.

Juror 12: Relegation certs

Prediction: 18th.

Reasons:

1. Lack of attacking threat – some very interesting signings in the summer none of which adequately address our core problem of lack of pace and creativity in attacking areas. Fischer looks no better than Reach to these eyes and once again we’ll be overly reliant on Ramirez to provide a cutting edge, assuming Karanka plays him in the no 10 role which is far from certain. Negredo will struggle, as he did at Valencia, without the kind of service that he took for granted at City and Sevilla.

2. Discipline – Karanka’s main tactic of aggressive defending, tactical fouling and harassing officials will be neutralised by much less tolerant Premier League officials applying tougher new laws. Clayton was booked 14 times in the Championship, unless he adapts quickly he’ll miss more than he plays and De Roon looks even more of a liability on that front. I predict a glut of sendings off undermining our chances in the early crucial fixtures accompanied by a variety of lame excuses from a bemused Karanka.

3. Temperament – largely Karanka’s which will be tested to a much greater degree in the high pressure environment than it was in the Championship (where he almost imploded)

4. No plan B – or, perhaps more accurately, not adapting our Plan A when things don’t go our way. If it was an issue in the Championship, how much more of a problem in the Premier League when things won’t go our way a lot of the time.

I could be wrong. We could be OK – 17th perhaps – or 16th maybe, with a bit of luck, but equally don’t rule out 19th or 20th. No one can be too sure. The only thing I am sure about is that at some point in the next few months,probably as we’re leaking a third at home against the “likes of ” Palace or Bournemouth, we’ll be wishing we were back in the good old Championship with Dimi and Grant and Albert strolling to a two-nil win against Rotherham.

Not scoring goals and losing a lot soon becomes a grind, even if you keep repeating to yourself “It’s the Greatest League in the World, it’s the Greatest League in the World…

When it comes to dropping players perhaps Steve Agnew could take advantage of Teesside’s iconic Transporter Bridge when sending out a message to signal his displeasure at the under-performing Gaston Ramirez for his quite frankly ridiculous display at Bournemouth last weekend – though the only questions for many exasperated supporters would be is whether it is high enough!

The Boro boss has come under criticism for appearing to be ‘too nice’ in recent weeks as basic errors and lack of concentration from the players have let him down in his bid to avoid the now seemingly unavoidable relegation. So maybe as he lines up his squad in front of the Transporter Bridge with Gaston’s Boro career dangling by the thinnest of threads, he can demonstrate that nothing but fully-focused 100% performances will be tolerated under his regime.

Indeed, he may even be able to turn the whole exercise into a belated Houdini-like relegation-escaping team-bonding exercise by getting the players to all to pull in the same direction whilst holding on to the want-away Ramirez attached to the top of the Transporter by his mega-elastic bungee rope – then on his signal the Uruguayan can be launched back home without him even accumulating any cushy first-class air miles as the players simply let go of their former team-mate. The club need only issue a short statement informing the media that Gaston Ramirez has been ‘released’ by Steve Agnew – as far as they are concerned it would be both true and literal.

It may well be that Agnew could also soon find himself hanging from the Transporter Bridge from a bungee-rope as Steve Gibson looks to be more pro-active in obtaining that elusive new-manger bounce – dangling together with his coaching team in what would be the ultimate executive toy for an ambitious chairman. Though the potential hazard for shipping along the Tees and no doubt the interference of health and safety legislation may curtail the Boro chairman’s plans for much needed stress release.

With each game that passes it becomes ever more likely that Steve Agnew has not done enough to suggest his appointment will be long-term. To be fair he was handed something of a poisoned chalice as he was already starting with a handicap in terms of points and team confidence – before immediately being hit with a defensive injury crisis to boot. It would have required a coach of far greater experience and charismatic leadership to have made an instant turnaround to Boro’s ten-game slump. Even the great escape artist of Big Sam took more than half-a-dozen games to have an impact at Palace – plus he had much better players at his disposal too.

I suspect our former number two is predominantly a coach rather than a number one and ideally he’s probably the kind of operator who needs a pre-season on the training pitch to effectively get his methods over to the players. It appears after his initial attempt to apply a quick fix to Boro’s lack of attacking intent spectacularly misfired at Hull, he over-compensated and retreated to the tried and tested midfield defensive shield. Then with very little margin for error due to the increasing gap between safety and Championship oblivion, it seems he’s quickly re-adopted the orphaned child tactics that was Karanka’s lone striker.

In addition, as he has become more embattled in the absence of a victory, his substitutions have become less bold, more conservative and increasingly random to the point where it would have been hard not to imagine they have been lifted straight from Karanka’s safety-first playbook that he forgot to clear from his desk. Even though he’s now got his first win under his belt against easily the most ineffective opposition to visit the Riverside this season, his disjointed team were hanging on after only managing two shots on target during the whole unconvincing display against the neighbourhood eight-lives-gone-and-counting Black Cats.

Wednesday’s victory will have left only those inhaling Capstan full-strength foam fumes that this would be the first in a high-five run of lung-bursting victories probably needed to dip in front of our relegation rivals at the finishing line. There was absolutely no indication that this current Boro team have enough to see off any of the top four – let alone three of them!

In that respect, Agnew has got a tough task to pick a First XI from a combination of what remains from Boro’s out-of-sorts, out-of-confidence and out-of-their-depth squad. We can only hope the win has breathed a bit of life into everyone but they know in the back of their mind that they need to win every game now – and that may ultimately be a weight greater than the one that was lifted against the Mackems.

I fully expect Karankaesque tactics against City on Sunday as Boro hope to keep it tight and emulate their performance at the Etihad Stadium – perhaps even keeping a clean sheet and hoping Marten de Roon continues with his new-found status of midfield goal machine. The former Boro boss’s mentor showed how to bore out a goal-less draw against the Sky Blues on Thursday evening in the Manchester stalemate – with any luck we may still find them sleeping and hope that they get out on the wrong side of the bed when they shuffle up to the Riverside on Sunday.

My money will be on 4-3-3 this weekend but a less-than-match-fit back-four of Fabio-Chambers-Gibson-Friend may struggle against their movement even with the three-man defensive shield of Clayton, Forshaw and de Roon – a front three of Downing, Negredo and Adama sounds most likely given how ineffective Stuani was and how unpalatable an immediate return of Gaston would go down.

So will Boro be transported to a parallel universe where winning becomes the norm or will the prospect of two victories in week be a bridge too far? As usual it’s time for your predictions on line-up, score and scorers – plus will Ramirez break the sound barrier on his sudden return to the Riverside after Woody forgot to cut the bungee rope after his earlier launch from the Transporter Bridge?

As Steve Agnew and David Moyes attempt to coax one another into grasping the less-coveted prize of the Premier League £100m wooden spoon, they may at least take comfort from the knowledge that Boro and Sunderland are close to seeing come to fruition their cunning plan of preventing Newcastle from enjoying a north-east derby next season – though for both sets of supporters the only hope for the following year is that Baldrick is no longer charged with coming up with the plans.

So rather than being billed as the Tees-Wear derby, perhaps Wednesday night’s local encounter will be more likely be representative of the ‘tease’ of Boro’s damp squib of a top-flight return versus the Mackem’s annual ‘weary’ struggle to once more avoid the drop. I’m sure that all but a few of the respective followers of these clubs will have long-since been resigned to the fate that must surely now await – most just want this sadistic season to end as the prospect of further punishment as even got the the most masochistic among the faithful pleading for an end to the beatings.

In fact it appears the Black Cat’s are so weary of fighting relegation that the board can’t even find the energy to sack their manager anymore – unless of course every time David Moyes is summoned to the boardroom to be told his fate, he records a new non-blinking record as his Glaswegian stare simply silences the chairman with its unspoken declaration “If you start misbehavin’ wee man, then yer gettin’ skelped!”

No doubt Steve Agnew will be keen to demonstrate his repertoire of formations has not yet been exhausted – though it’s starting to look more like it’s just a futile attempt to rearrange the same dozen or so knock-off deckchairs as they slide down the increasingly steeper deck of the titanic task of preventing Boro sinking back into the Championship.

Still, to ensure all the men stay on board, able seaman Woodgate assists by piping out the Celine Dion big boat blockbuster theme music as the boss gets ready to unveil this week’s system to the players and begins his one-on-one motivational instructions – “OK Barragan you’ve not looked too comfortable at full-back recently so today you’re going to think like a wing-back instead – you’ll be liberated and will feel like you’re flying…” – before first mate Joe Jordan interjects “Aye, though don’t forget to land son before you take a bloody throw-in!”. As the presentation continues, nobody notices a certain Gaston Ramirez disguised as the tea-lady quietly abandoning ship and diving into the last remaining life-raft.

So despite the hopeless position we find ourselves in, Agnew is putting on a brave face as his interview from hell continues in the shadow of Steve Gibson openly admitting to calling his last effort ‘a total shambles’. Though it appears Downing  has already seen enough to be convinced that he should get the job on a permanent basis – though what that actually is may need a better demonstration to the rest of us. Whilst footballers are not strangers to the non-emoji language of symbolic cliche, I’ve not yet heard anyone say that he ‘ticks all the boxes’ but I expect it’s only a matter of time before, in the absence of something less tangible than results, alternatives will be held up to act as a suitable measure.

So what shall we expect from this latest deemed must-win game? Well on previous evidence the word ‘must’ doesn’t seem to have the same meaning as I’d previously thought. OK, I appreciate the Boro management have little option other than to give the impression that they are aiming to win all their remaining games to try and stay up – but it’s hard to envisage anyone in the group has that belief left in them after 16 games (near as damn it half a season) since one was last registered at this level – especially with three of the top four yet to play.

I suspect the Sunderland game will just be a case of ‘for the sake of sanity let’s just at least give it a go and try to win another game’ – a kind of bottom-of-the-barrel bragging rights contest where the winners can boast “we’re just a little bit less bad than you are” – OK not much in the way of a badge of honour I admit, but a badge nonetheless (albeit in a very small font).

To be honest it now appears to be clear that the make up of the squad is fundamentally flawed – and for me it’s in the engine room where Boro have been found wanting. We have four essentially stopper types from which normally three will play – they aren’t really either attack-minded or have the necessary ability to create goals. It’s just not possible to play three defensive midfielders, either in the Premier League or elsewhere, who are not going to make major contribution to the attack. Where will a team find enough goals to win enough games when they are relying on probably just two or maybe three average forwards to do it on their own? It’s been a fundamental flaw of our season and it’s not as if we have compensated by signing a goal machine or two – quite the opposite, Boro have signed forwards who themselves have generally struggled to score.

So it doesn’t need a deep root and branch assessment to discover our failings – Martin de Roon was signed for £12m but he was a carbon copy of what we already had – the money would have been better invested in a box-to-box midfielder who had a track record in scoring from midfield. By his own admission following his last gasp goal at Man City, de Roon confessed he was messaging all his family because he NEVER usually scores. It’s not just that our central midfield don’t score but they hardly even contribute much beyond their stoppers role – and even that has dipped.

Still many of the faithful may be drooling at the prospect of coming to see the now official ‘best dribbler in Europe’ in the flesh – yes it’s been a closely guarded secret but the news is now out that Adama Traore has topped the list of Europe’s best dribblers, narrowly edging out Eden Hazard into second spot. It may possibly be the last chance to see him tomorrow as we already know Chelsea are keen on the world beater – it’s quite likely as I write this Neil Bausor is in deep negotiations with the Blues to sell our prized asset with probably the inferior Hazard coming in the opposite direction as a make-weight. OK, I know many will be disappointed at the prospect and some will say that Eden sounds like another project – but I’m sure Boro will soon be able to coach the defensive skill-set required into Hazard so he can slot seemlessly into our central trio of stoppers.

OK it’s time for your predictions again – will Boro fans be gazing in a dreamlike manner after finally seeing their team record that elusive victory? Or will Boro be staring in disbelief at the nightmare scenario of the only team they thought were worse than them piles on yet more misery? As usual give your thoughts on the team line-up, score and scorers – plus will Agnew resort to the famous McClaren 4-2-4 formation in a desperate bid to enhance his interview technique?

Oh and feel free to suggest a caption for the photo if you want – though remember to keep them clean please!