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Championship 2018-19: Week 28

Tue 5 Feb – 19:45: Newport v Boro (FA Cup)
Sat 9 Feb – 13:00: Boro v Leeds

There often comes a time in a relationship, where perhaps the side who is not feeling the love and thinks the other is looking a little bored, decides it may be time to let them down gently with those carefully designed feeling-sparing immortal words “It’s not you, it’s me.” However that’s not the Boro manager style as it would be unfair to take on all the blame. He knows there are a few relationship issues that he wants to get off his chest, way down deep inside that special place just below where certain players like to kiss their one true beloved club badge – or indeed any badge they’d ever fleetingly worn.

Yes, Tony Pulis has concluded it’s time to issue some home truths as he searches for answers as to why his team’s Riverside form hasn’t reached the heights of their remarkable away performances. Something is missing, perhaps that little show of affection has gone, or that constant picking of faults for no reason has become an irritating habit and booing in that unnecessary aggressive tone hasn’t helped matters in the slightest. Therefore rather bravely, Tony has decided it’s time to deliver a new twist to that ever so gentle let-down phrase with “Sorry, it’s not me, it’s you!”

Following the victory at West Brom, Tony Pulis now wants Middlesbrough’s supporters to recreate the away atmosphere at the Riverside as he looks to get his team firing at home. Whether he meant in particular the general atmosphere witnessed at The Hawthorns is unclear but I suspect emulating the somewhat nostalgic non-stop chorus (sung to the tune of he’s one of our own) with the less than cryptic chant: “Your football is shit, your football is shit, Tony Pulis your football is shit” is possibly not quite what he had in mind – though it seemed from the enthusiasm and coordination in which the Baggies sung the chant it’s possibly wasn’t the first time they’d delivered that sentiment.

Perhaps Pulis will wear it as an unlikely badge of honour in much the same way Gunners enthusiastically replicated the “Boring Boring Arsenal” chant that was aimed at their team under George Graham. I think it’s known by sociologists as re-appropriation and there may come a time for the Riverside to take back ownership and begin a trademark terrace chant of “Our football is shit” – though I suspect traditional pavlovian booing rather than double-bluff sarcasm will remain the weapon of choice on Teesside if matter don’t improve. OK, to avoid upsetting the players maybe the supporters need less audible methods of showing displeasure – there’s always the Poznań if they can’t bear to look or they could even try a slow Jazz Hands and silently wave away their impatient frustration.

Pulis has also declared that he wants to make the Riverside a difficult place to come, though not necessarily for the Boro faithful but rather instead for the opposition team. Nevertheless, the Boro manager wants the home crowd to up their game in the months ahead as he issued the rallying cry “I want the supporters to get behind the team now and really give it the best they can until the end of the season.” before adding “The away support was magnificent… Let’s transform that section today into the home crowd and make our players feel really at home.” I fear the Boro manager may have underestimated overall Teesside cynicism and grudge mentality – though the place could look a tad empty with just an approving select couple of thousand vocal supporters in it.

As the positive energy oozes almost out of control, there’s nothing like a victory over a promotion rival to get players in the mood for bold statements and George Saville didn’t disappoint as he declared: “The window is done now, we’ve got this set of boys now, there are 18 games left and we’ve got the squad and the quality to go and get promoted.” I’m sure Boro supporters will hope he’s right but many will be reserving judgement until after the upcoming games against two more contenders – with a few maybe pedantically wondering how he’s planning to sneak in an extra game into the remaining 17.

Although Saville thinks the squad are up for the challenge: “Of course we can get in the top two and close that gap down, the next two games Leeds and Sheffield United, teams around us, it’s a great chance.” However, the enthusiastic midfielder continued to mathematically confound his critics as the adrenaline rush of victory seemed to make him look forwards and backwards simultaneously “This was a big one at West Brom as well. They are the three big ones coming up. We’ve done one and we’ve got the other two.” The former Millwall player almost seemed in need of a calming arm round his shoulder “It’s over George, it’s over, you can let West Brom go now it’s behind us”.

Interestingly, Saville was also asked about Tony Pulis’s perceived negative footballing tactics but it wasn’t something he was concerned about: “He has his style and everyone has their opinions and that’s what it is but for me, you win football games. They [West Brom] have played nice football but at five o’clock you want three points and that’s what we’ve got so we are happy with that.” As for the abuse that his manager received from the Baggies supporters he simply brushed it aside: “You are going to get that in football. When I go back to my former clubs, I get dogs abuse. It’s the way football works.” Hopefully Tony Pulis won’t find himself in the Riverside dog house at the weekend if his barked instructions fail to unleash the players against Leeds or neglect to chase after the ball and play with bite.

Although, there is now a very real chance that the Boro faithful could soon be witnessing some rather fetching football at the Riverside – but they must first win the replay down at Rodney Parade to ensure that Pep Guardiola brings his sumptuous team with their sublime skills for the delectation of the Teesside public. So as Boro continue with their FA Cup odyssey, Tony Pulis is preparing to start zippin’ up his boots and going back to his roots as the Newport exile returns “To the place of my birth, Back down to earth”. Hopefully his Boro team will be back in the groove on Tuesday night – let’s just hope it’s not down to earth with a bang or even a whimper.

Of course the real prize that awaits both clubs is the high-profile televised visit of Manchester City in the next round. It may be seen as something of an unwanted distraction for the promotion-seeking Boro manager but being the centre of attention for Teesside is a rare occurrence these days – plus who knows we may even catch the Sky Blues on another bad trip to the North-East after they lost at Newcastle last week. Plus it’s surely a valid excuse to place that famous 8-1 video on loop again. Still, we must avoid complacency as to lose to lower-league opposition once and miss out on playing Citeh could be seen as a misfortune – but twice would give the appearance of being rather careless. Boro will most likely be punished if they don’t match the energy and enthusiasm of Newport on their own patch – as Leicester City discovered to their peril in the last round.

However, with two potentially pivotal league games coming up in the next week, it’s likely that Tony Pulis will make changes and try to utilise his squad. Although, defence-wise there aren’t a lot of options left to play with unless some academy players are blooded, which probably means a back four to reduce the risk of losing a central defender. At least he has plenty of central midfielders to rotate and Tavernier and Downing are fresh from having any league exertions – though Lewis Wing reportedly has a niggle and will be likely rested. Up front, the January window remainers Fletcher and Gestede are underemployed and Assombalonga’s brief match-winning cameo will not have tired him much either.

The next week may determine whether Boro still have any hopes of being an automatic promotion contender as they bid to close the seven-point gap. With Norwich at home to bottom club Ipswich in the Norfolk derby, defeat against Leeds would likely see that gap stretch to a massive ten points. It would essentially mean Tony Pulis’s team would need to win four more than the pace-setters from their remaining 16 games in order to overtake them. OK, Boro have a game in hand but that is against form team Bristol City, who haven’t lost for 12 games since defeat at Elland Road back in November and have now won their last five.

Given Boro’s meagre home form, premature talk of a top two finish could be regarded as perhaps a little delusional by some supporters. Although recent research commissioned by an events company has shown nearly three-quarters of British men are actually prone to being delusional – particularly with regard to football. Indeed, it found many men in their late twenties secretly believe they could make it as a professional footballer, with an incredible 5 per cent of men in their 30s still thinking they have what it takes to become a professional player. While it’s not known if Middlesbrough has ever signed any of these delusional over-30s, it does serve as a warning to the recruitment department – especially if tempted to insert lucrative clauses in contracts. Incidentally, the research also found that nine per cent of British pensioners still believe they have got what it takes to be famous. It wasn’t clear if that was based on a life of dedication and training or just a grudging plan to gain infamy by wreaking havoc after being pushed to breaking point by the reprimanding voice of another unidentified item in the bagging area at their local Sainsbury’s.

Nevertheless, victory over Leeds on Saturday will almost bring Boro within touching distance of their West Yorkshire rivals and give them further momentum. Despite recent Riverside rumblings of missed opportunities after being thrown by the Lions and looking like they didn’t give a hoot against the Owls, Boro have still gathered 11 useful points from their last five games. In contrast, Marcelo Bielsa team have lost four of their last six games with just the ‘Spygate’ win over Derby and a late victory at Rotherham to show for all his careful match preparation. Strange that the Mighty Whites have not been so effective since that little ruse was rumbled – just coincidence perhaps.

Whether Bielsa has despatched an undercover agent to Hurworth to discover which expansive cunning plan Tony Pulis is hatching to dish it out to the Dirties is as yet still a secret. Unless of course the sleeping agent is awoken from his soporific surveillance by the noise of the most expensive cone collector in the Championship, Stewart Downing, getting measured up for his much deserved bronze statue – which is still considerably cheaper than the real thing and could be a striking resemblance of the Pallister Park player sitting tight on the bench. It’s not clear if the offer of a statue by Pulis will break the impasse on Downing’s contract talks but rumours that the player will accept nothing smaller than the Angel of the North are said to risk casting a huge shadow over proceedings – besides a legacy planning Steve Gibson is possibly still contemplating where his burial mound should be positioned after the car park was ruled out due to logistical reasons.

One player who will be hoping to play at the Riverside will be former crowd-favourite Patrick Bamford, who has being restricted to a handful of appearances due to knee problems since his move – still at least he’s got the number nine shirt and has joined a club who he claimed wanted to make him their main man. Also making a return to Teesside is Adam Forshaw, who never really broke through from behind the Leadbitter-Clayton partnership for most of his spell at Boro. Although, he shone briefly in the Premier League and was even touted for an England call-up before once again slipping quietly out of favour again. Both will be joined by last season’s late loan arrival, Jack Harrison, whose barely noticeable impact will not linger long in the memories of Teesside folk.

Tony Pulis will be hoping the week starts with an X-Factor style homecoming down in Newport and a successful gig for his team that secures a lucrative high-profile tie against the glamorous opponents of Manchester City – before ending with a crucial victory over promotion rivals Leeds that is greeted by a once again happy and cheering Riverside. However, should the next few days not quite go as planned then I fear Tony and Teesside may be heading for relationship counselling with arguments over who really owns the Riverside poor record collection.

West Brom		Middlesbrough
Rodriguez Gayle	42′ 63′	Saville Assombalonga	17′ 75′, 83′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	67% 19 6 9 6	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	33% 14 5 1 21

Britt brace throttles Throstles

Today saw the first return of TP to his former stomping ground at the Hawthorns where his departure at the time was greeted with relief from hordes of Baggies fans fed up of struggling and mind numbingly boring football apparently. He brought his Boro side down this afternoon with similar complaints ringing in his ears from the Riverside although in fairness TP’s Boro is a Jekyll and Hyde side when it comes to home form versus their away form. Buoyed by new signings as the window fell shut on Thursday night Darren Moore had a few more options to play with including one allegedly coveted by TP in Jacob Murphy.

This was a six pointer for promotion regardless of it only being early February. Despite all the headlines over the new Baggies arrivals and the relative stoicism surrounding Boro’s inactivity the Birmingham side had lost Harvey Barnes who was recalled by his parent Club Leicester. Those new signings arrived late on Thursday which only allowed a day to familiarise themselves with their new surroundings. The game pitted the Championship’s most swashbuckling attack against the Championship’s meanest defence. The styles could hardly be in greater contrast with both Managers desperate to come out on top if only for old times’ sake, the Sorcerer versus the Sorcerer’s apprentice.

TP seemingly had a fully fit squad to choose from after the Newport Flu epidemic minus the obvious losses of Leadbitter and Batth while Darren Moore had Jake Livermore available after a four game suspension. Ex Boro lad James Morrison and winger Matt Phillips would likely miss out for the Baggies with their ankle injuries.

Two of Albion’s new loanee’s Murphy and Montero made the Baggies bench with Moore making eight changes from his Cup selection against Brighton last weekend. TP went with JOM anchoring the midfield and Hugill getting the nod as this week’s lone striker. Wing, Besic and Saville were the other midfielders. Shotton and Friend were providing the width with Fry, Ayala and Flint the defensive trio.

In a sunny but positively Baltic afternoon West Brom got things underway. The Baggies were happy to retain possession and play the ball around in their own half tempting Boro to play a little further up than perhaps TP would have wanted. The tactical mind games had started already with just a few minutes gone. A quick break from the Home side saw Randolph forced into a great save from Barry towards the bottom corner of his net. A Shotton throw on five minutes was launched near post into the West Brom box but it was cleared and when they broke up the pitch Saville was alert to break up the danger.

Ref Tim Robinson penalised Hugill seemingly reacting to the home fans requests much to the Hammer loanee’s annoyance. Moments earlier the Smethwick End had serenaded their former boss with “Tony Pulis, he’ll send you to sleep”. West Brom were now enjoying a passage of good possession pushing up the pitch and bettering our midfield. A counter attack down our right fell to Besic but after a touch to many to control it he blasted it well over. A Boro break this time started by Wing to Besic led to Friend being adjudged offside much to George’s frustration at the ball being released late to him by the Bosnian.

West Brom had been dominant in the opening quarter hour in terms of having the most of the ball but Boro were breaking and causing problems. Against the run of play an inexcusable sloppy give away from West Brom keeper Sam Johnstone via a weak pass to Gareth Barry gifted the alert Saville with an opportunity too generous to turn down. George “S” politely intercepted and despatched the ball left footed into the bottom corner of Johnstone’s net almost reminiscent of Bamford. Seconds after the restart Dani Ayala then cheekily tried his luck with a speculative effort; confidence was rising with those in Red Shirts to a backdrop of the Home fans grumbling having now been rudely awoken from their slumber by Pulis’s Boro.

Needing to get something back from the game West Brom’s wobble meant that Boro were now getting a bit more joy in the middle with Wing giving Barry no mercy and Saville and Besic looking lively. Mikel behind them looked measured, composed and deliberate. The Baggies were getting agitated, losing possession in the process with Boro looking good value so far. A poignant tribute in the form of “only one Luke Jobson” reverberated from the away end on the 22nd minute to bring a stark reality of just how important this game really wasn’t.

The home fans meanwhile were getting more and more worked up and screaming at Referee Robinson every time a tackle went in and after a series of howling protests against Saville and then Hugill eventually Saville was justifiably booked for clattering into Barry. Besic had been active but had been frustrating as much as he had been lively with some of his decision making suspect (or careless) but he did at least look a threat of some sort and of course West Brom would not have been as familiar with his eccentricities as much as the travelling army.

A free kick awarded to Boro saw Saville deliver it into the Baggie box as the Boro Giants moved up from the back but Ayala headed it the wrong way and ended with Friend getting a stern lecture for having a handful of a Navy blue and White striped piece of fabric. Immediately afterwards West Brom broke and a miss hit Rakeem Harper shot was turned in by Rodriquez at the far post to level things. As the game restarted Jordan Hugill went down theatrically under pressure from Dawson claiming a penalty much to the angst of the home fans who burst into a chorus describing their opinion of Tony Pulis’s style of football which was far from complimentary. The rest of the half was interspersed with a series of “Hoooof” bellowed out every time Boro went forward.

A miss hit Wing free kick caused a bit of consternation in the Baggie box and as it was cleared it came back again from Shotton to be met by Flint but as has been the case for most of the season his finishing was poor and the score line remained 1-1. There were now two added minutes shown on the fourth Officials board as the first half petered out. The opening stages of the half had saw West Brom dominate but apart from Barry’s effort and a well wide Robson-Kanu overhead kick never really looked dangerous. After Saville’s goal Boro looked composed, sitting deep and breaking. The only disappointment in that first half showing was to concede so close to the half time whistle especially when we had just had a great set piece opportunity ourselves to double the advantage but allowed the Baggies back in and cause for renewed optimism.

Half time entertainment was provided by the Baggie Boiler who pranced around in a very strange and disconcerting manner in an effort to sell central heating systems which on the day would have been welcomed by many. No changes from either side as Boro commenced second half proceedings. An early booking for Lewis Wing was the main event of the opening exchanges as TP will have presumably asked for more of the same in the second half. An attack by Boro was ridiculously hauled back by the Ref to award a free Kick to us after Wing was well on his way. A very poor decision by the official but anyway Ayala went up field but perhaps mindful of what had happened at the end of the first half Flint stayed back which was just a as well as West Brom cleared, broke and a Holgate shot went out for a corner after a timely save by Randolph.

A dangerous free kick was awarded for what looked like a harmless challenge as the Ref seemed to be swayed by home advantage. Dwight Gayle took charge of it but it ricocheted off the Boro wall which stood strong despite three interlopers trying to bridge it. The ball came back in needing another block as Rakeem hit his effort into the ground and out for a goal kick. Pulis had rightly seen enough of those opening moments as Howson was readied meanwhile Rodriquez was causing us problems which needed Randolph to again come to our rescue. Besic was then dispossessed then Friend repeated the same offence and as the shrapnel and smoke was clearing Howson was ready and on the touchline as Besic’s number was up.

The Bosnian unfortunately still looked to have that momentary lapse in him and as the intensity was upped by West Brom he looked more of a passenger. Shotton then found himself booked for ridiculously and stupidly wasting time in a very obvious manner. Boro were now under the cosh and the Baggie attacks were becoming relentless. Boro were hanging on blocking valiantly as the pressure mounted with Randolph permanently engaged as Sam Johnstone at the other end was a virtual spectator.

Hegazi hit an effort that was collected by Randolph as West Brom now had their centre backs trying to break the deadlock. So far Boro had offered very little in this half and if they didn’t mount a fight back there was an air of inevitability about when the next Baggie goal would come. A brilliant piece of play between Friend and Wing allowed George to set up Hugill but his shot went wide when a goal would have been a real Baggie balloon burster. That miss was pivotal as Dwight Gayle showed Hugill how to finish seconds later having reacted quickest to a knock down finding the corner of Randolph’s goal via a deflection off a team mate.

Assombalonga was then brought on for Dael Fry as TP went to four at the back with JOM in front and us desperately needing to get back into this contest. Our second half performance was as bad as the first half had been decent. Buzzing with the impetus provided by that Gayle Goal West Brom had their tails in the air and TP had his work cut out to rebut the comments being loudly chanted about his tactical prowess or indeed the total lack of it in the second half.

A short George Saville won corner was adjudged to have been a foul by Ayala as Howson floated a far post ball in for the Spaniard to attack. Going behind meant that Boro were now forced to take this game to West Brom in the full knowledge that they are very capable of scoring goals and plenty of them at that should we slip. In fairness Boro were now imposing themselves a little bit more but it just didn’t look joined up and very much a case of necessity rather than by design.

Since his introduction Britt had been largely anonymous, perhaps because of the novelty of having two strikers to pick out or more likely that the unfamiliar midfield diamond wasn’t working as well as envisaged at that point. To me Boro desperately needed an outlet, a threat, someone to run at the West Brom defence and Britt wasn’t that player. In the absence of Tav on the bench VLP would have been my preference. As if to rub salt in the wounds Jacob Murphy then came on for Robson-Kanu and simultaneously JOM came off for VLP to make that much needed appearance as TP changed shape once again with Wing now taking over from JOM to allow VLP to go wide.

Wing immediately set up an attack and via a Saville lob Hugill held up play feeding Britt with a dink to his right allowing Britt to come in and hit an equaliser on seventy five minutes losing three defenders in the process. As questionable as I felt TP’s substitutions and reshuffle was in an instant it paid dividends to bring things back level again. A West Brom corner then spun out of Randolph’s control going out for another Baggie corner. Gareth Barry then went off and the formidable Livermore came on to meet the corner which flew over everyone’s head with Shotton outmuscling Dawson at the far post to keep the scores level.

Boro were now looking hungry to get back in front as Howson, VLP, Hugill and Britt were all linking up well and asking questions now of the up until then unemployed Baggie defence in the second half. As if to make a point Jacob Murphy fizzed in a delicious cross that fortunately wasn’t met by anyone, then ex Boro lad Chris Brunt came on for Field with the fear of one of those rocket shots in the back of our minds. A Shotton free kick was bent into the box, half cleared by Brunt and bounced in front of Britt who swivelled inside the box and hit a left footed thunderbolt to put Boro three two up after looking down and out on the canvas just minutes earlier.

West Brom tried to get back in with a left footed cross by Brunt booted clear by Ayala as Flint assisted in the clearance with the game entering the final five minutes. TP was now literally “boinging” up and down in the Technical area screaming at his defenders to close down quicker. A Brunt cross was blocked by Shotton which broke to VLP who chased forward to feed Britt who generously played in Hugill when he perhaps should have shot himself and the opportunity ended disappointingly. West Brom were still pushing to get something and there was a definite danger of a late equaliser. Red shirts were battling bravely with Wing looking like a Terrier in front of his back line.

Incredibly the fourth official had found five minutes of added time and as Dawson met a Brunt cross Shotton again was there to clear the danger. A Shotton block then went out for a corner which led to a Brunt back post ball coming in and a series of bodies flying everywhere in the Boro box saw Aden Flint down holding his head as Randolph now saved from Dawson. A drop ball was hoofed by Shotton but West Brom picked up the loose ball and again came down the flank, crossed in by Murphy and Ayala had us all checking our undergarments as he went to ground hearts in mouth style to win a tackle then it was Randolph’s turn to uncharacteristically flap and cause more anxiety. As Randolph cleared the ball downfield six minutes added time had now been played with the Travelling Army frantically whistling. As we entered the seventh minute Referee Robinson seemingly reluctantly blew his whistle to a chorus of jeers and boos from the home fans as TP fist pumped the Boro fans in a victory that was a massive win and of course one which brought a fair dollop of personal satisfaction.

In Typical Britt style he looked languid and slow at times when he came on but then he has that incredible knack of scoring and not just once but twice. Wing was as ever magnificent, Saville had another good game, Shotton was rock solid in his duties and Friend and Ayala battled away but the scene stealer was Britt Assombalonga who has to be the MOM for launching Boro back level on points with West Brom instead of facing a six point gap. More importantly perhaps was maintaining a three point gap between us and the chasing pack of Bristol and Derby. For a neutral the game swayed and changed, twisted and turned but despite the Baggies dominance in the possession stats it was boring Tony Pulis and his sides three goals who had the widest smile. Perhaps Boro hanging on to Britt in the window was a shrewd bit of business after all for all concerned.

Championship 2018-19: Week 27

Thu 31 Jan – 23:00: Transfer Window Closes
Sat  2 Feb – 15:00: West Brom v Boro

When mathematician Dr Hannah Fry (no relation) was discussing the origin of numbers with Professor Brian Cox on Radio 4 this week, the whole tactical philosophy of Boro manager Tony Pulis appeared to be called into question when she put forward the hypothesis that perhaps the number zero doesn’t really exist in the universe. Whether the mostly unheard screams of frustration in the empty space of the Riverside stadium (or Ground Zero as it’s sometimes known) would agree with her argument that nothingness doesn’t actually exist is possibly open to conjecture – especially as footballing nothingness has become the underwhelming void into which many have been left to stare.

While Professor Cox’s statement that “even a vacuum is fizzing with activity” may possibly offer some comfort, keen Boro observers in the less rarefied atmosphere of the Riverside are still patiently waiting to detect signs of energetic movement on the pitch. Nevertheless, as supporters occupy themselves counting the ‘missing’ in the North Stand, many are starting to ponder over the presenter’s profound existential question that he so elegantly posed in his ‘Human Universe’ TV series – simply “Why are we here?”

Although, whether some Boro followers would agree with the sentiments of Brian Cox in his earlier work ‘Things can only get better’ will perhaps depend on how the strong their innate sense of pessimism is. The young physicist you may be aware played keyboards in the band D:Ream, whose feel-good hit became the anthem of choice for another much-loved Tony in order to persuade the masses that his vision of hope was authentic and not just another sound bite – sadly it was perhaps their follow-up single ‘Unforgiven’ that will more closely encapsulate Blair’s legacy following his ill-fated venture in Iraq. For many at the Riverside their only hope for a more positive approach is that the infamous ‘hand of history’ taps our own Tony on the shoulder before giving him a slap to bring him to his senses.

Coincidentally, the first recorded appearance of zero was almost 5,000 years ago in the ancient Sumerian culture of Mesopotamia, which now corresponds geographically to Iraq – along with parts of Iran, Syria and Turkey. While the Riverside is no stranger to the concept of zero, you may be interested to learn that Mesopotamia actually means ‘between two rivers’ in Greek – though the rivers in question are the Tigris and the Euphrates, with the land between them known by the Arabs as ‘Al-Jazirah’, or the island. With the great city of this region being Babylon, it’s name is claimed to stem from the Hebrew word for confusion (bavel), which is derived from the story in the Book of Genesis that describes how a Tower in Babel was being built to reach the heavens until God brought a halt to proceedings by causing the people to speak in different languages so they couldn’t understand each other.

Talking of towering confusion and failure to communicate, Tony Pulis’s team of giants once again proved largely ineffectively on the pitch as they played like proverbial strangers at that less ancient cradle of civilisation in the north-east of England. It’s not apparent how Boro contrived to be second best to a mid-table League Two side but it has become a familiar sight to watch the players become less than the sum of their parts as supposedly better quality individuals are still not gelling together in a meaningful way. As the season has progressed, the divide between expectations and what is being delivered appears to have got wider. Each negative display has seen the errors multiply and a change in fortune seems now to be dependent on the arrival of new additions.

However, many doubt whether new blood will ultimately create a radical change in the overall pattern of play or shift the focus towards becoming a more offensive team. There are also structural issues that are unlikely to to be addressed in this transfer window, such as in the full-back positions, and it seems many of the new signings already signed or rumoured to be close to signing are lacking match fitness. The patience of the Riverside crowd has been worn down by months of watching their ponderous team run out of ideas in their quest to add to their nine Championship Riverside goals since August – three of which were actually penalties and also include one own-goal. So with just five goals from open play in five months, it seems the supporters zero tolerance has begun to wear extremely thin.

Needless to say, the journey of that joyless zero from its conception to the cautious mind of the Boro manager has been long and arduous one. Having started life as a simple dot in the Hindu civilisation of India back in the middle of the fifth century, it then spread into what is now Cambodia in the seventh century. It then entered into China and the Islamic countries around a hundred years later, where it became represented by a circle, before making it’s way into Western Europe in the 12th century via Arab traders. How it eventually arrived to South Wales and the industrial landscape of Newport is not clearly described but we may assume a young Anthony Richard Pulis was introduced to the importance of giving nothing away at a very early age.

The failure of the players to be able to express themselves, other than with shrugs of shoulders and holding up of hands, has brought the role of the manager into question. There are charges that managers like Pulis like to keep a tight leash on how their players carry out their duties on the pitch. Whether the Boro manager believes that the solution to his problems is to find players who can better carry out his instructions has not been openly expressed – but he has been prone to pointing the blame at individuals in post-match briefings and only very occasionally claiming his tactics were at fault.

Perhaps the proliferation in the trend to measure players stats and the ability to model the whole game with individual heat maps and biometric data have convinced many coaches that the game of football is about the successful strategic execution of their plan rather than encouraging moments of collective interplay or individual brilliance – not to mention luck. Of course structure is important and players roles and responsibilities are all designed to make them work better as a team. However, at some point they need to play the game in real time and make their own judgements and use their experience to make decisions. A problem may arise if there is a conflict between what they think or what their manager thinks is the right course of action – does the fear of making the wrong decision ultimately outweigh the risk of attempting something off-message?

Interestingly, some managers or coaches are not particularly active on the touchline as responsibility is passed to their players once they cross the white line. Some even prefer to sit in the stands and get an overview of the pattern of play so that they can pass on observations at half-time. Tony Pulis is not that kind of manager and almost plays every ball as he stands in his technical area shouting out instructions, pointing and making all kinds of hand gestures.

The overestimation of a person’s ability to control events is known as the ‘illusion of control’ and was first identified by psychologist Ellen Langer. The illusion is more common in situations where the person knows what the desired outcome should be and is stronger when individuals have an emotional need to control the outcome. In Addition, feedback that emphasises success rather than failure can increase the effect and perhaps Tony Pulis has been conditioned over the years that he has played every ball on the touchline to save his clubs from relegation. Though the good news for those on Teesside feeling helpless as they watch their team underperform – the illusion is weaker for depressed individuals.

With the January transfer window due to close shortly at 11pm on Thursday, the clock is running down in the bid to address the team’s shortcomings. After the early arrival of a not yet match fit Rajiv van La Parra from Huddersfield, it was surprising that he remained an unused sub in the FA Cup tie against Newport as it should have been an ideal opportunity to get him further up to speed. One new recruit who did get a game though was John Obi Mikel, who arrived as a free agent last week and despite his rustiness showed he was still a class act with poise and precision of passing.

Pulis was instrumental in persuading Mikel to come to the Riverside after he apparently “snuck down” to his house and “had a good chat with him” – something that the Boro manager may need to do quite a lot this summer if he’s deployed to persuade Season Card renewals to also come back to the Riverside. As for the Nigerian, Pulis believes he can play anywhere on the pitch before the rather damning indictment of his squad that “There’s not a great deal of competition, in the position he holds himself.” Some supporters were initially worried that Mikel was an unneeded expensive trophy signing but Pulis declared “He’s come on a short-term deal and it isn’t fortunes, I’ll tell you that.” – though as to what “isn’t fortunes” in the magic money tree world of football is anybody’s guess.

Though as one classy defensive midfielder arrives, another has departed with club captain Grant Leadbitter making the move to the Sunderland club he supported as a boy and joined at the age of 16. After seven seasons in a Boro shirt, the 33 year-old Leadbitter paid tribute to everyone at the club for their support: “I couldn’t leave Middlesbrough Football Club without saying my heartfelt thanks to everyone for what has been such a wonderful and memorable part of my career”. It’s perhaps the right time for the fan’s favourite to leave the Riverside as it has become clear he was no longer foremost in Tony Pulis’s plans.

Whether he’ll be joined at the exit by Stewart Downing is still not clear but there is still no news on the situation surrounding his extension clause that prevents him starting Championship games. Though one surprise exit was Danny Batth, who despite his season-long loan at Boro, was still available to be sold by Wolves and Stoke City duly got their man. This has left Pulis with just three recognised central defenders in Ayala, Flint and Fry. While in theory both Friend and Shotton can cover, there is very little cover at full-back to regard them as such – perhaps it will be an opportunity for some academy boys to step up with the highly-rated Nathan Wood being elevated to the full squad. However, one academy player who won’t be getting his chance at Boro is Harry Chapman, who has joined Tony Mowbray’s Blackburn in a permanent move. All of which leaves the Boro recruitment team with plenty to do in the next 48 hours with the latest rumour being pacey striker Isaac Vassell of Birmingham is wanted but given he’s only 5′ 7” it may be as a wide player where he’ll fit into Pulis’s plans – he at least certainly fits the window profile of not being match fit after a recent lay-off due to injury.

So we should know by the weekend if the new-look Tony Pulis team is taking shape or whether he has once again been left frustrated by the failure to sign his targets. Nevertheless, he will need to focus on the first of a series of testing fixtures as he makes the trip to his most recent old club West Brom. When he was dismissed by the Baggies shortly before heading to Teesside, it may come as little surprise to many Boro supporters in how it was reported by the press – The Guardian wrote: “Fans who have long been bored witless by an unattractive brand of football that was no longer yielding the kind of results that led to finishes in 13th, 14th and 10th over the past three seasons have finally got what they wanted.” Before rather mischievously adding “The question now is whether they will regret the decision to sack the first man they would almost certainly approach with a view to extracting them from the current pickle if it was not he who had got them into it in the first place.”

Despite relegation, Pulis’s successor Darren Moore is still in charge at The Hawthorns and his team currently sit one place and three points above Boro. In theory this is probably a promotion six-pointer but I suspect it will be in the eyes of Tony an opportunity for a good away point – preferably a tight 0-0 to remind the ungrateful Baggies followers of what they are missing. OK, Darren Moore may have over compensated as West Brom have already scored 57 goals this season but have conceded 35 in the process. Although, this still leaves them with double the goal difference of Tony Pulis’s side, who have barely hit the net half as many times with 31 scored versus 20 conceded. Should the question be posed over which white-knuckle ride promotion-seeking supporters would prefer to be on board, then I dare say nullifying the opposition with the cult of zero would get nothing more than a shake of the head in the West Midlands – though perhaps a few choice words on Teesside.

Middlesbrough		Newport County
Ayala	51′	Dolan	90’+3
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	58% 19 4 6 13	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	41% 17 5 5 9

Exiled Dolan delivers bitter Pill

The battle of the bridges as it had been christened commenced this afternoon at a half empty Riverside. There was a good and vociferous following from South Wales to add atmosphere which came as a welcome break from the Championship after the Millwall stalemate with the emphasis then very much on stale!

Michael Flynn brought his giant killers up North to hopefully add another scalp to their Cup Run after their 2-1 victory over Leicester and with it end the cup hopes of one of their own. The long suffering home fans at the Riverside were hoping for a repeat of the Peterborough second half performance (we have long given up any hope of a full on 90m minute performance from this side) and with it the opportunity to be in Monday night’s draw.

The “Exiles” had a few injury problems and were without defender Fraser Franks and club captain Andrew Crofts along with ex Boro lad Matty Dolan being rated very doubtful. For Boro we were hoping that Shotton may get some game time in his road to recovery because poor Dael needed a break from being shoehorned into RB. Flint also was seemingly back to fitness so the likelihood is he would get a start as would a few others like Fletcher who would be keen to show their talent and give TP something to think about before the transfer window slams shut.

TP made six changes but still put out a strong side with Mikel making his debut, Shotton returned from injury and the contract conflicted Downing also started. Wing and Saville were in a more advanced “attacking” midfield role with Fletcher getting a start along with Assombalonga. The Boro bench also looked seriously strong with Clayts, Hugill, VLP and Tavernier. Matty Dolan was deemed fit enough for a place on the visitor’s bench upon his return to the Riverside. Exiles goalkeeper Joe Day missed the game to be at his wife’s side who was expecting twins.

Newport kicked off on a blustery but unseasonably mild afternoon at the Riverside with temperatures nudging double figures under grey Teesside skies. Mikel was as suspected in the Clayton role as the first early chance fell to Newport was blazed over Randolph’s crossbar in the opening minutes. Newport clearly came to have a go and the opening five minutes were all Newport applying pressure as once again Boro had started at home in second gear.

With Downing right and Fletcher out left Boro started to show some composure and passed the ball around teasing the Newport defence trying to entice them out. A Shotton long throw into the box ended when the attempt was adjudged to have been a foul on Townsend in the County goal who looked edgy. Our first serious attempt came from Britt who hit a curled effort that unfortunately didn’t curl but instead went well wide on 12 minutes when Fletcher was screaming for it to be laid off for him in the “D”. On 15 minutes Britt was played in via a Wing cut back from the flank and this time left footed he tried to curl it into the opposite corner as Boro now started to control the game.

Downing was then blatantly hauled back around the neck by Butler who incredibly escaped a yellow card. Lewis Wing launched a brilliant resulting free kick straight to Flint’s head who disappointingly headed unopposed over the bar. Dan Butler was again involved on 20 minutes meeting a Willmott corner via Semenyo which was charged down by Friend from ten yards out. The next minute was all a series of crosses into the Boro box causing some drastic action in defending from Ayala and a poor Randolph punch clearing. Boro broke with Wing and Downing but Stewy’s shot was deflected to the far side of the Newport box where Saville chased and was very unlucky to not get a free kick. As poor as that Officiating decision was an even worse one was to follow seconds later with Friend adjudged to have fouled Poole after a seemingly innocuous header on the Newport penalty spot.

A cheeky Saville “drag back” tackle regained possession and set up Wing who dinked the ball just over the County Crossbar from 19 yards out. Semenyo then should have put Newport ahead after he pounced on a through ball cut out by Flint but fortunately for us the Newport striker blasted well over. Another strange Refereeing decision saw a free kick awarded to Britt who had looked suspiciously offside much to the annoyance of Flynn in the visitor’s technical area. Wing then hit the free kick which came straight back at him off the wall but then cleared the same wall as his follow up effort dropped onto the crossbar leaving Townsend beaten.

A Newport corner was cleared but came straight back into the Boro box and a series of less than impressive clearances was eventually saved by Randolph’s feet from Padraig Amond. Jamille Matt went down a few minutes later requiring some treatment which allowed for a water break and a tactical update from both benches with about 8 minutes of the half remaining. A brilliant piece of skill from Smenenyo saw Matt blast wide. Willmott was causing us problems down our left flank and some low key rumbles of frustration were audible from the home fans. Friend then made amends by driving down the same flank and putting a dangerous low cross into the Newport box which was deflected clear.

A last minute corner was delivered in by Wing but Ayala was a little late in connecting and the ball cleared the far side of the Newport goalmouth. Two minutes added time was held up and apart from a late over hit cross from Boro the half then petered out disappointingly as rain now started to drizzle down. Newport were good value for the half time 0-0 score line but Boro just didn’t look like they were capable of taking this team apart despite the chasm in League placings. Wing looked to be our best and most likely to score player, Stewy had been involved in a lot of attacks, Saville was lively but we just lacked creativity. Fletcher hadn’t taken his chance out on the left and the suspicion was that he may be at risk of being hooked in the second half.

Boro kicked off the second half and Nick Townsend was very fortunate to be awarded yet another poor refereeing decision where an imaginary foul by Britt saved his blushes as he came out too far and flailed at waist height. A quick Wing free kick on the half way line found Fletcher who alert, read it well, cut it back to Britt whose shot was parried away for a corner. A second quick follow up corner was lofted onto Ayala’s head on the six yard box beating Demetriou to put Boro one up. Just after the restart Fletcher upended a Willmott in an effort to prevent them breaking and collected a yellow card for his troubles. A close range Matt header from the next passage of play after the free kick was easily collected by Randolph.

A 50/50 challenge saw Mikel and Butler collide with Butler coming off the worse for wear. Fletcher tried to play Friend in near the goal line but his touch was too much and George was never going to catch it as Fletcher had now upped his game since the restart. In another eccentric Refereeing decision Saville was spoken to after Wilmott caught the underside of the Northern Irishman’s boot. A Shotton cross was then put out for a corner and Downing’s delivery was cleared out but only for Wing to crack in a 35 yarder that went out for another corner. Again it was cleared and this time it was cracked back in by Saville only for Fletcher to be adjudged offside in the six yard box.

The action paused there on 61 minutes as Mikel went off for Clayton to come on after a sensible, calming and measured rather than a spectacular debut. The rain now started coming down heavily as Boro took their foot off the gas, sitting back with Newport now having to find something to trouble Randolph. Boro then had a few half chances without really looking like adding to their solitary goal. A poor decision by Clayton saw him dwell too long and having to be rescued by Ayala in an almost carbon copy of his Millwall error.

The game had now entered a meaningless almost neutral spell with Boro content to allow Newport to commit themselves chasing the game. A clever back heel by Britt was played back in to him but his shot ended up near the opposite touch line as Wing chasing rescued the throw in. Antoine Semenyo beat Shotton and played the ball out to the opposite flank and Willmottt again sent in a good cross to be met by Matt who had apparently and questionably fouled Shotton in his efforts to head in an equaliser. This was a warning to Boro that they needed to seriously up their game from their timid possession and probing game and is if to rectify that Lewis Wing hit a 35 yarder that was pushed back out by Townsend but fortunately for Newport it fell to the offside Assombalonga on 72 minutes.

McNair then came on for Shotton as he had hopefully eased himself back to fitness. Paddy was soon in the thick of it with a headed clearance which came back in for Ayala to repeat the feat and get the ball a little further up the field. Wing repaid Saville’s first half tackle that set him up in the first half with Saville’s resultant deflected strike being pushed clear by Townsend. A Willmott cross was deflected off George Friend for a corner which then allowed Flynn to make the first of a couple of Subs with Joss Labadie replacing Tyreeq Bakinson. The cleverly worked corner allowed Semenyo a header which went just wide. The second Sub by Flynn was then made with Amond going off for Sheehan and for Boro Tavernier coming on for Fletcher to add a little more creativity and pace with just over ten minutes of normal time remaining. A blocking tackle by McNair stopped a Newport onslaught in its tracks then linked up with a series of one twos with Wing who played him in as he cut inside shooting from twenty five yards out but his effort went meekly wide.

A Newport throw in almost level with the Boro 18 yard box saw some impressive skill again from Semenyo who dribbled through an anxious Boro defence careful not to upend him where the ball was then crossed to the opposite side of the Boro six yard box to be headed back across by Butler for Semenyo to equalise except he incredibly blasted it over from 6 yards. Matty Dolan then came on for Demetriou with three minutes remaining. Jamille Matt then had a chance which needed Flint and Randolph to clear conceding a corner which was cleared by McNair allowing Tav to break but back again came the lads from South Wales as they pressed for a deserved equaliser. An Ayala headed clearance was lighted upon and taken down the pitch by Britt who then went down cheaply claiming a foul which was ignored. Again Newport pressed relentlessly and yet another cross aimed at Semenyo was fortunately over hit.

Into the four added minutes the telegraphed inevitable “Typical Boro” moment happened with the last cross of the game and Matty Dolan tapping in from four yards out. Boro then ended the match with a despondent Clayton knocking the ball out too far ahead of Friend for a throw in. The final whistle went before that throw could be taken in what had been a spirited and well-earned draw from Newport. A poor second half showing after the goal had given Boro a misplaced sense of security and once again a negative deep sitting display proved their undoing. Predictable failure to deal with late Newport attacks meant that the overwhelming fear that eventually they would be rewarded came to fruition. Mikel’s understandable departure along with Shotton coincided with handing over the initiative to Newport and turned the game. Tavernier was poor when he came on and neither attacked nor defended for his short cameo run out which didn’t help a side that was in dire need of an injection of something at the sharp end.

MOM for Boro was Wing but a draw was the last result Boro needed as they now face a trip to South Wales sandwiched in between a challenging run of Championship fixtures. A strong Boro side should have blown their weaker opponents away but once again the familiar home frailties came to the fore by sitting deep and offering no credible attacking threat in open play apart from Wing having pot shots from distance and set pieces. A final word of congratulations goes to Michael Flynn and his side as they came to attack play football and were full value for the draw and indeed unlucky not to have put away some of their other gilt edged chances.

Championship 2018-19: Week 26

Sat 26 Jan – 15:00: Boro v Newport County (FA Cup)

Few on Teesside would probably draw comparisons between Tony Pulis and Brittany Spears – not even during that time when she shaved her head when suffering a bout of depression brought on by seasonal affected disorder. Though the Boro manager has certainly affected the mood of the Riverside with a different kind of seasonal disorder that seems to stem from a continued failure to select an effective team to perform adequately at home. Learning after the event is easy but many of the Boro faithful are getting tired of hearing the same record of ‘Oops!.. I did it again’. While most of the public blame continues to be directed at the players from their manager, few observers are being hoodwinked and believe he’s not that innocent – yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (as the song goes) and then some. But that’s not the reason why Tony has gone all Brittany on us, it’s actually more to do with the word that has been used to describe the current atmosphere at the Riverside – it’s toxic!

Still, at least the Boro manager has noticed that the club’s home form is “of concern” and he’s declared this week that “We’ve got to fight like billy-o to turn it around and make the fans happy”. For those not familiar with the expression ‘billy-o’, it’s thankfully not pronounced ‘billy zero’ as in the Tony’s favourite number, nor is it related to billy-no-mates – the default name given to the individual chosen to be Boro’s lone striker.

The actual origins are disputed with some claiming it refers to the famous 19th century steam train ‘Puffing Billy’ – though in Boro’s case when trying to score that would probably be the Huffing-and-Puffing Billy. Others have quoted references to the 17th century old school puritan preacher Joseph Billio, who enthusiastically preached ‘hellfire and damnation’. Should Tony Pulis ever appear on ‘Who do you think you are’ and trace his ancestry, he may indeed be possibly descended from Joseph Billio but the preacher sadly had, like entertainment at the Riverside, long since disappeared into obscurity before the first use of billy-o appeared.

In fact the term billy-o is most likely a minced oath, in the same way ‘Jiminy Cricket’ was a euphemism for Jesus Christ and ‘By George’ was an alternative to ‘By God’. It’s thought that billy-o came into use at the time of the 1849 gold rush and was frontier talk for the devil – which possibly derives from imagery of Satan being depicted in goat form. All of which seems entirely appropriate given that watching Boro of late has been a living hell and the Riverside faithful appear to have been going through purgatory for what appears to be an eternity. Nevertheless, Tony Pulis may find that the devil is actually in the detail and if he wants to make the fans happy then it may involve being tempted by the unoriginal sin of no longer serving up goal-fearing soulless displays.

While the end of the January transfer window may be nigh, those witnesses who were at the Riverside for the visit of Millwall were probably not of the belief that what the team was lacking was another central midfielder – especially given that their manager decided he needed to start with five of them in front of four defenders. News that Boro are closing in on the 31-year old former Chelsea player, John Obi Mikel, after he agreed terms and passed a medical has been met with a less than enthusiastic response in many Boro quarters. It’s not immediately apparent what has attracted Pulis to the 6′ 2” Nigerian, though it’s hoped he can be a big player for the team.

At least Boro’s recruitment department have proved if a player is willing to locate in north-east China then considering a move to the north-east of England may not be too much of a stretch. However, he’s unlikely to prove to be the answer to Boro’s goal-scoring problems as in his ten year career at Chelsea he managed just one league goal – a scissor-kicked effort against Fulham back in 2013 apparently. His primary role for the Blues was to protect the back four, which probably makes him more of a replacement for Clayton both in terms of a defensive shield and as an attacking threat.

Given the supposedly budgetary restrictions at the club it appears odd that signing a likely high-wage earner in Mikel has been a priority for Pulis. Perhaps he perversely still sees conceding goals is more the source of the problem than scoring at the other end. We shouldn’t forget that at Game 18 when we sat second in the table, Boro’s against column wasn’t yet into double figures but ten games later we’re now up to 20. The Boro manager may have concluded that since our scoring record has remained more or less constant at on average one goal per game, it’s the doubling of the rate that goals are being conceded that has been responsible for his team’s dropping off the pace.

One player who the club are seemingly reluctant to sign, at least for any longer, is Stewart Downing. News emerged that he’s been left stranded like a batsmen on 99, one short of the magic number that will trigger a one-year contract extension on seemingly an improved deal of the £35 grand a week one he currently enjoys. He may in his defence argue that he initially took a pay cut to join Boro when he joined from West Ham and has kept himself in good shape in order to gain the long-term security of an extended deal. Though it possibly wasn’t the best idea by the the club to offer a lucrative contract extension to any player who will turn 35 in the summer – especially as the terms of the deal aren’t linked to what league he’ll be playing in.

After spells at Villa and the Hammers, Downing’s certainly has a penchant for playing in Claret and Blue, so he may be pleased to hear that Burnley are the latest of those colours to show interest and are said to be “monitoring the situation” – no doubt lining-up a comfortable seat next to Ben Gibson on their bench. While Downing has by no means been the worst under-performing player in a Boro shirt, his return to the club has split opinion among supporters, with some of the least impressed even offering to drive him to Turf Moor if an offer materialises – though thankfully for Stewie it appears Prince Philip is not among them.

However, Downing should possibly still be wary of taking a taxi just in case the hapless Duke has returned to the wheel and is looking for fares. You may recall, the 97-year old famously admitted to driving around London for 18 years in a black cab in order to blend in with the crowd – it was perhaps the perfect cover for him as erratic manoeuvres while making obscene hand gestures are generally expected from from London cabbies and usually go unnoticed. Although, seemingly old habits die hard and as recently as 2016 the Uber royal driver personally picked up and drove his guests, the Obamas, to Windsor Castle. Whether he got a decent tip is not known but he was snapped by the paparazzi at the wheel unbuckled and grinning, or possibly squinting, with an uneasy looking Barack in the passenger seat getting ready to practise the brace position. Though rumours that the Greek consort is being groomed by Prince Charles into saving the planet by driving President Trump to extinction as he makes a secret post-Brexit visit have been rubbished as ‘just the usual conspiracy theories’.

Talking of players wanting to end their career at Middlesbrough, Charlton Athletic striker Karlan Grant is the latest to be linked with a move to Teesside after scoring 14 goals in 27 appearances for the League One outfit. Before anyone rushes to point out the fact that he’s only 21, I should remind any helpful readers that recent history has shown us that a move to Boro for a promising striker often carries the risk of being career-ending as their goal-scoring prowess gets lost among the rows of immaculate banjos in the Hurworth cowshed. Bernie Slaven recently claimed that a striker wouldn’t view coming to Boro at the moment as a good career move – especially as a lone striker under the expert guidance of Tony ‘never mind the goals count the crosses’ Pulis.

Though if supporters want a demonstration that Boro really mean business (good or bad) in the January window then the Birmingham Mail have reported that “Middlesbrough have re-ignited their interest in Yannick Bolasie” after he returned to Everton early from his loan spell at Aston Villa. Given that Villa reportedly paid all of his £75 grand a week wages, re-igniting is the possibly the appropriate word – as in setting fire to a large wad of cash that will surely burn more than a hole in Steve Gibson’s pocket if the rumour has any substance. Bolasie is apparently not in Marco Silva’s plans but wants to stay and fight for his place at the Toffees (where ever that may be) – though that’s usually just code for “I’ve got a nice lucrative contract and I’m not taking a penny less than I’m entitled to”. As to why Bolasie was returned early from his season-long loan is not clear – though the possibility of sending season-long loanees back to Everton may be of interest to some on Teesside with regard to a certain Mo Besic given his largely ineffective second spell at Boro. Incidentally, the Telegraph suggested the Bolasie deal would be financed by moving Clayton, Leadbitter and Fletcher off the wage bill – which may explain the imminent arrival of Mikel.

Though enough of rumours and lazy journalistic column fillers, Boro return to FA Cup action on Saturday and a chance to indulge supporters in the fantasy that another goal-fest at the Riverside is literally only days away. While Boro’s Championship displays may have not even been one for the purists, the 5-0 thrashing of that other Posh Boro from down south will perhaps persuade a few on Teesside that this is where the real entertainment is to be found these days. Furthermore, our next opponents, Newport County, aren’t even League One fodder and are currently languishing in the middle of the fourth-tier table. OK, a few may be slightly concerned that they dumped a not quite second-string Premier League Leicester City out of the Cup in the third round – though that was back at their place in the quirkily-named Rodney Parade, which sounds a bit like a march in solidarity along Peckham High Street for down-trodden brothers.

Whilst a tie against Newport may not be seen as anything other than rather ordinary for many on Teesside – other than being the battle of the Transporter Bridges – it is indeed a special day for the Boro manager, who faces the club of his home town. Tony Pulis has been reminiscing this week of his upbringing in Newport, which almost seemed to slip into a Pythonesque ‘Four Yorkshiremen’ sketch as he proudly boasted “We had nothing but we had everything” – though oddly no mention of the shoebox in the middle of the road in which all a hundred and sixty of them lived or drinking tea from a rolled up newspaper.

Instead, he recalled that their family of eight grew up in a small terraced house and how he had to share a bed with his three brothers up until he was 15 – though hopefully not a single one sleeping sideways with a bag of cement for a pillow. Although, it could explain his fondness for closing down space on the pitch and having a tight back four or even his insistence that players keep rigidly to their position on the pitch. With his two sisters sharing another bedroom, his parents slept in a small box room and led a simple life where they seemingly made their own entertainment – pretty much in the same way as those who visit the Riverside do today.

Apparently, Tony Pulis is inviting lots of family and friends from Newport to watch the game at the Riverside and his wife Debs said it’s going to cost him a fortune. No doubt the Boro manager will be keen that his team put on a good show (as usual) and make him proud. Pulis will likely make some changes from his usual suspects and hopefully we’ll see more adventure with a chance for some of the forwards to get a game. The danger for the Boro manager is that his team fail to turn up and put in another low-intensity error-strewn performance that then get the crowd on their backs from early in the game. Therefore I’d expect favourites such as Wing and Tavernier to start, along with van La Parra – otherwise any signs of a return to the toxic atmosphere with a chorus of boos, or even chants of ‘Pulis Out’, would be extremely embarrassing for Tony on his big day.

Middlesbrough		Millwall
Hugill	90′ (pen)	Wallace	22′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	59% 16 3 8 13	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	41% 7 3 4 10

Lions versus Pulis Pussycats

Today saw the Boro back at the Riverside in Championship action for the first time in a few weeks to face Neil Harris’s Millwall who before kick off this afternoon were 20th in the table, precariously just five points above the relegation spots and having earned just six points on their travels this season.

After a credible draw at Derby and a battling away win at Birmingham Boro on paper at least appeared to be too strong for Millwall so a convincing home win was the expectations on Teesside. Millwall however have been fighting to survive and have no intentions of going down having won three of their last five Championship games.

The reverse of this fixture on the opening day down at the Den saw Boro steal a very unlikely 2-2 draw after Wing and Tav came on to turn the tide in what had been an abject Boro outing. The South Londoners do seem to struggle against us and hadn’t managed a clean sheet in any of our previous 12 encounters in the Championship. To make matters more interesting Millwall have a very poor habit of conceding very late goals in the dying minutes of games so a word of caution to those who like to get to their cars and away early from the Riverside.

In his pre match press conference TP had announced that Flint and Shotton were just back in training so unlikely to be available while Neil Harris would likely be without strikers Aiden O’Brien and 6’4” Tom Elliott for this one. George Saville of course is the one who will be attracting the most attention as he faced his ex-employers who are now several million to the good since his departure. Ben Marshall had also returned to Millwall on loan from Norwich this week where he enjoyed a similar stint last season out on the wing when they went on a 17 game unbeaten run.

The Boro Team selection at 2.03pm was met with a series of murmurs, rumbles and a sense of underwhelming predictability in the queue for the bar. Apart from Lewis Wing there was no pace, no energy, no width, no drive, no creativity, no support to a lone Striker and no highest scoring midfielder in Tavernier. Unfortunately that mood permeated the Stadium in what was as flat an atmosphere as you could imagine.

The home fans settled down trying to get some warmth in a cold dark miserable grey day on Teesside. Millwall had turned up wearing grey themselves as if to add to the gloomy mood which was made a lot worse when they deservedly scored after a midfield error on twenty five minutes to open the scoring. Randolph had saved Boro’s blushes just minutes earlier saving from Gregory at close range with the Millwall Strikers shot leaving a very painful impression indeed. It was however to be the only example of “balls” Boro showed all afternoon.

You may wonder why I haven’t gone through the action for those opening twenty five minutes but in truth there wasn’t any, seriously there wasn’t, absolutely nothing at all what so almost-driven-to-swearing ever. Our muddled midfield stifled the life out of anything remotely looking like a sporting contest. Howson was wide right but on another planet to Dael Fry who endured a tortuous opening twenty minutes being turned and twisted inside out with Ayala having to abandon his central role to spare his blushes as Howson just looked on motionless and lost. On the opposite flank George Friend was battling but again outnumbered two versus one as George Saville looked like he still thought he was a Millwall player. Actually that’s a tad unkind as based on today’s performance Saville wouldn’t have got a sniff at starting in that side as he was outplayed, outfought and outclassed for 90 minutes.

Wing tried to do something but there was no movement, nobody to pick out so all he could do was try and recycle the ball which was seemingly the only tactic that Tony Pulis had managed to get across to his players. Besic was dicky dancing his way in circles as he does, hanging onto the ball for too long only to release it last minute but not with a telling pass or a slide rule defence splitter just more sideways and backwards monotony. Was it the worst Boro performance at the Riverside? Possibly not but at this moment I can’t recall feeling more deflated, fed up and completely totally and utterly disinterested in the morose boring inept tactical cock-up unfolding out on the pitch. It was mind numbingly boring, pointless and our first 45 minutes looked like an over 50’s walking football match but without as much effort, pace or movement and certainly lacking the intensity of an over 50’s game.

Randolph done all that was asked of him, Ayala battled, Batth was reasonable as was George, poor Dael Fry isn’t a right-back but the rest of the side with the possible exception of Wing was so rank bad that health officials should have put a warning notice on it. The booing, jeering and whistling from the home fans seemed to strike a chord as every backwards pass was met with derision. That was the only time in the first half that Boro actually looked to get their heckles up and put some effort in and a long range Wing shot went across the dubious and very dodgy looking Archer’s goal missing the far upright by about a foot.

Hugill battled in vain as he was punched, elbowed, manhandled, grabbed and generally pushed to the floor and bullied which was totally ignored by the Referee Stroud who seemed so biased that if I was an FA official I’d be tempted to search his bins for brown envelopes next week. Every single tackle from Boro was penalised but every head butt, elbow, and crunching challenge from Millwall was adjudged to be fair game. As bad as the man in the middle’s performance was it was still overshadowed by the dross Pulis put us through. Five minutes before the interval Archer pulled off a good save from Howson who should have done better but that’s what happens when Pulis sticks with his favoured virgin midfielders but it did at least count as an attempt on target.

The half time whistle went to a chorus of boos which was probably more than the Players deserved as they weren’t actually that good that it was worth the effort to boo or jeer. Our home form has been poor all season because Pulis adapts his successful away tactics at home and it has failed miserably all season at the Riverside yet despite his advancing years seems to be unable to learn a lesson. His team selection and tactics today were akin to a Prince Phillip driving lesson only minus the thrills and spills but with the inevitable consequences.

We were expecting a serious reshuffle and a few changes at half time after the debacle we had just witnessed but we only saw Clayts hauled off and VLP coming on which was little bit more positive but one positive player in a sea of nauseating dross wasn’t going to cut it and of course Tavernier wasn’t even in the squad for fear he might actually score or create a goal and in doing so ruin Pulis’s justifications of continually picking Besic and his extravagant signing Saville. VLP did look like a breath of fresh air, dribbled and ran at Millwall which was the only positive note in the day’s proceedings. How that was going to turn the tide I don’t know because as good as he was the side was completely disjointed and our midfield and right flank just slowed the pace down and played balls that were read in last weeks newspapers.

There was more chance of Theresa May getting an agreement on Brexit than there was of Boro offering any form of entertainment or indeed scoring for that matter. There were some isolated chants of “we want Pulis out” in the North Stand which didn’t get picked up on but it’s only a matter of time if he continues with these emasculating home tactics. History had repeated itself this afternoon and Pulis’s opening day “no show” away at the Den was incompetently repeated in the worst possible Groundhog Day scenario.

VLP was making runs and earning free kicks and even a yellow card being awarded to the visitors as he unleashed a bagful of tricks to brighten up what was the footballing epitome of an Edinburgh Funeral. Boro were at least now offering some sort of attacking intent albeit a one man show from VLP and a mix of walking Football elsewhere. Even TP must have been bored by what he had self-inflicted as he brought on Britt for Howson clearly blind to the fact that he had zero outlet or creativity on the pitch apart from VLP.

Most of us were at the point of past caring as the Riverside atmosphere had now descended into something reminiscent of Monastic silence which reminded me of something from my long gone schooldays: “I was silent and still; I held my peace to no avail; my distress grew worse, my heart became hot within me. While I mused, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue” (Psalm 39: 3).

I must admit to having to google that one when I got back home as the years have dimmed my exact recollection of the accurate wording but it was pretty darn accurate for what I had just experienced. Unfortunately the bit about “then I spoke with my tongue” cannot be printed on here due to the extreme likelihood of it causing offence although it paled into insignificance compared to the spineless, gutless and soul destroying refuse that was served up by Pulis today. Two ancient Anglo Saxon words summed my feelings up and those around me towards that team selection and the abject monotony that was masquerading as Football.

With twenty minutes remaining Downing was brought on as yet another penny slowly dropped with our master tactician in the dugout that just maybe the complete lack of width and service from the right was finally addressed. I must admit to finding it incredible that none of Woodgate, Fleming, Ellis or even Pulis himself can recognise the nauseating stench of decay and the seeping away of support and with it the sapping of any and all enthusiasm hence playing in the “Riverside Mausoleum” of their own making.

In the dying seconds as is Millwall’s incredible want this season Morison gave away a stupid penalty by recklessly pushing Ayala in a safe zone in the box. Hugill sent Archer the wrong way with the resultant penalty. I will confess to screaming “to his left”, Archer seemingly heard and duly obliged Hugill who put it to his right. 1-1. Millwall were robbed and Pulis got a point when he weakly and negatively threw away all three before even a ball was kicked.

MOM was Randolph and then VLP in the second half but who cares because having to sit through that farcical, incoherent steaming mess of a team selection had me considering a season ticket for Roseberry Park (or St. Lukes to most of us on here) rather than returning to the Riverside any time soon. So to summarise Millwall had some balls, put up a decent and credible show and were robbed at the end after thoroughly deserving all three points. In between Boro passed it sideways, backwards and sideways again, nobody made any runs off the ball to drag defenders wide or create anything other than offer a modern alternative to Mogadon. Next season I suggest that Steve Gibson offers a free Nitrazepam tablet instead of a free pint. This wasn’t negative football in the Karanka sense this was worse, much worse this was hard core garbage.

Championship 2018-19: Week 25

Sat 19 Jan – 15:00: Boro v Millwall

As we approach the latest anti-climatic milestone on the road to nowhere, there has been much talk of unicorns in the media of late. While tales of mythical beasts that roam in a land far far away may have become the metaphor of choice for those who seek to ridicule their opponents – it appears for those who have been blessed by the footballing gods, there were also stories of other mythical beasts that graze in the forgotten lands of the Championship. In the press conference that followed the first-leg crushing of Burton, Pep Guardiola paid tribute to his opponents by declaring: “I wanted to congratulate them for an incredible tournament. They beat mythical teams – like Aston Villa and Middlesbrough.”

What kind of sky-blue thinking is this from the City manager? Can it be true that Boro only exist in our collective imaginations? Perhaps he was possibly just taking the proverbial or was left grasping for a suitable adjective to describe two clubs who mysteriously failed to turn up against their semi-final opponents – though it seems Burnley and Forest, who were also slain by Burton on their quest for the treasured trophy, managed to escape mythical tag. The Brewers looked decidedly punch drunk after their 9-0 lashing at the Etihad Stadium and suddenly many on Teesside gave a collective sigh of relief with the revisionist view on Boro’s meek exit in the Carabao Cup was perhaps a good result in hindsight.

Nevertheless, despite their new-found mythical status, the narrative for Boro this season has been one of missed opportunity at the Riverside and a lack of belief that Tony Pulis is prepared to unleash his team against Championship opposition. It’s become clear to most observer that what is hindering Boro’s promotion campaign is their inability to collect points at home. Boro currently sit in 21st place in the eight-game home form table with just six goals scored and two wins chalked up against bottom-club Ipswich and strugglers Wigan – who are incidentally joint-bottom of the 8-game away form table with just 2 points.

Tony Pulis may have saddled up his own particular unicorn and has so far ridden out a series of ineffective blunt single-striker performances at the Riverside, which have often proved to be little more than a fantasy in terms of delivering those magic goals to beat the opposition. Although, we recently caught a glimpse of what is possible with a unicorn-culling line-up in the FA Cup where any accusations of dinosaur tactics were laid to rest with an unexpected Triceratops-inspired three-pronged striker attack. OK, Pulis may have over-compensated on that particular over-crowded arrangement but giving the opposition defence multiple problems is perhaps the way to go at home – particularly if he can continue to get his only recognised playmaker in Wing to orchestrate the attack and play to his forwards strengths. The question is whether the Boro manager has seen the light and is ready to illuminate the Riverside with much brighter way forward.

However, the fear for the Boro faithful is that the outlook at the Riverside will remain gloomy if an over-cautious Tony Pulis continues to decide against gambling to achieve victory. In truth we’re still in the dark on whether the Boro manager is ready to change tack but the question is how long will they be prepared to endure the darkness if business as usual fails to make Boro shine? Perhaps we could draw on the experience of professional poker player, Rich Alati, who was posed a similar dilemma by fellow player, Rory Young, and whether he could last 30 days in isolation in a completely darkened room. After an hour of discussion, a bet of $100,000 was agreed between the men, which would be paid to the other depending on whether Alati stayed the course or not.

At the beginning of November last year, Alati entered a soundproofed bathroom with no light or access to the outside world and would receive four randomly spaced meals each day so that he couldn’t judge the passing of time. All he had to pass the time was a yoga mat, a resistance band and a massage ball, plus of course a bath with some lavender oils and sugar soap – though no Tony Pulis flannel or the froth of Boro bubble bath apparently.

While the risk of going crazy in such a situation must be high, Boro fans usually find that lying down in a darkened room with the hands over their ears is what normally keeps most of them sane following a disappointing game. Young was banking on the fact that studies found that prisoners placed in solitary confinement usually started to crack after 15 days and indeed United Nations has declared keeping someone for more than two weeks in isolation constitutes torture – something Tony Pulis may need to be made aware if he plans to continue with a lone striker. While the definition of torture may be different on Teesside, symptoms of anxiety, anger and despair would likely manifest themselves – though that’s in isolation not the Riverside in case any were wondering.

Despite experiencing hallucinations of white balls floating around – perhaps in a similar way that Boro’s isolated lone strikers sometimes speak of – Rich Alati passed the 15-day mark in good mental shape thanks to his meditation skills. It was at this point that Rory Young realised he was probably going to lose the bet and offered Alati a deal to come out, which eventually after several days of haggling was agreed at $62,400 and he emerged on Day 20 wearing very dark glasses to protect his eyes. Whether some of the Boro faithful would have chosen to remain in a darkened room for longer is not known – though it may be dependent on expectations that Tony Pulis is preparing to move towards more positive tactics.

Incidentally, not all bets among competitive associates always end amicably – especially if alcohol is involved. The cautionary tale of four golfing buddies, who were indulging in a few beers in the clubhouse may serve to act as a warning of the dangers of gambling more than you’re prepared to lose. One of the group, Everitt Sanchez, took up the rather unusual wager that involved a somewhat unintended personal hygiene use of a golf ball washer that had been installed at the club. Keen to win the bet, Sanchez had managed to precariously straddle the ball washer and successfully lowered his rather delicate dangly bits into the machine – though before he could collect his winnings, one of the group mischievously decided to crank up the speed on machine, which consequently wedged Sanchez’s scrotum into the mechanism. As Sanchez passed out with pain, he then unfortunately fell, detaching himself from the more tender parts of his anatomy that were still trapped in the machine. I’ll spare you some of the more graphic details but this episode earned Sanchez the accolade of being the first surviving person to be nominated for a Darwin Award – normally awarded to those who died due to gross acts of stupidity that prevented them from passing on their genes to the rest of humanity. So as our friend Ray Winstone would say “Please gamble responsibly.”

While those on Teesside may have been traumatised after witnessed their fair share of eye-watering displays this season, there is hope that the manager can soon find a team that makes the Riverside a more daunting prospect for visiting sides. Britt Assombalonga had shown in recent weeks that he can score goals if Boro play to his strengths – including the top-corner curling effort against Blackburn, that coolly slotted finish in the Cup when played in on goal and that great chipped effort last week against Birmingham. The £15m man has been feeding off scraps under Pulis’s preference to play with a lone striker with his back to goal and it’s clearly not his game. Those three goals mentioned earlier were the culmination of him running towards goal after the ball was delivered to his feet – it highlights how getting the best out of players can be achieved.

Boro arguably have the players to hurt teams and it will be hard to think that Tony Pulis hasn’t noticed what has worked better. From the vantage point of supporters, it appears players such as Wing, Tavernier, Saville, Assombalonga and new arrival Rajiv van La Parra could form quite a dynamic attacking force – plus most of them have proved they can score goals. The Boro manager has so far persisted with Howson, Downing and Besic in the hope they deliver the kind of threat that it seems has eluded them for quite some considerable time.

This Saturday sees the visit of Millwall to the Riverside and it is the return fixture of the opening day of the season in which Boro made that very late comeback to draw 2-2. You may recall that Tony Pulis’s side had for the first hour at the Den been lacklustre and it was the introduction of Wing and Tavernier that swung the game in their favour. Perhaps the Boro manager will consider starting with both of them this time from the off rather than risking the need for another late rescue operation. While Wagner may have heard the fat lady sing his demise down the road at Huddersfield, it’s possible that we’ll see a performance of the Flying Dutchman that he loaned to us if van La Parra makes his Riverside bow. Also I’m sure George Saville will be keen to prove he’s worth the £7m fee that his club agreed on so he could join Boro – though that may be more aimed at the supporters of his new club.

After beating Ipswich 3-0 at the end of October, Millwall then went eight games without a win and dropped into the bottom three, which seemed to act as a wake-up call as they then won three on the spin before the defeat last week at home to Tony Mowbray’s Blackburn. Manager Neil Harris has been unable to build on the good second half to last season that saw his team narrowly lose out on a play-off place after showing automatic promotion form with 46 points from 23 games. The Lions are currently down in 20th spot and 15 points outside the top six and I suspect they will be more concerned with not getting dragged into a relegation battle – though having said that, they were 12 points outside the play-offs at this stage last term.

Boro have a chance to continue to close the gap on the teams above them with both Norwich and West Brom failing to win any of their last three games – in fact the Canaries have only won one of their last six after an amazing run of 25 points from 27 saw them hit top spot. This has allowed Sheffield United to make a move into the automatic promotion spot after a run of four victories on the bounce has seen the Blades cut to the promotion chase.

Meanwhile, Leeds recovered from their mini-festive wobble after a win over Derby that was played with the controversy of ‘Spygate’ still lurking in the background. The Leeds manager, Marcelo Bielsa, admitted openly to sending a camouflaged employee with binoculars to the Derby training ground to gain helpful information on Frank Lampard’s tactics – something he claimed was a perfectly acceptable practice back in Argentina. Whether Tony Pulis has been inspired to deploy agent Flemming behind enemy lines in East London is something we may never know but let’s hope Millwall don’t find out about our top secret plan of starting on Saturday with a lone strike!

Birmingham City		Middlesbrough
Wilson	79′	Wing Assombalonga	37′ 82′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	59% 15 4 2 11	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	41% 8 5 4 11

Britt’s Wing Man breaks down Brum

As has been the case a few times of late Boro travelled to St. Andrews to face yet another of their former Managers. Monk’s cash strapped and impoverished Birmingham is in stark contrast to his Boro excesses but have been punching above their weight all season yet show no signs of falling away. His partnership with Clotet seems to be of the Clough and Taylor variety, together good but separately questionable. To get a squad like Birmingham’s challenging for the Play Offs when they were relegation certainties when he joined is great credit to GM.

Boro would be facing another old boy in Jutkiewicz and also two former coveted targets in Maghoma and Jota out on their flanks. Garry Monk would definitely be without David Davis and Omar Bogle but Kristian Pedersen was available after an ankle injury. Flint’s Hamstring and Shotton’s knee were the main selection headaches for TP and there were still lingering doubts over the fitness of Ayala which could determine whether we went with a back three or conventional back four.

Birmingham hadn’t scored in their last three games against Boro having lost all of them whilst interestingly TP had also won his last three games against the Blues. Boro hadn’t lost in their last four visits to St. Andrews giving the game a sense of nervy “inevitability” for Boro fans pre kick off compounded by the fact that Birmingham had only lost one of their last eighteen home Championship games.

Team news saw that Ayala’s mystery “knock” was deemed not serious enough and able to start alongside Batth (in for Flint) with Fry and Friend also lining up. Wing got a berth in midfield with Howson, Besic and Saville; Clayts presumably would be the protector in front of the back line. Up front was Hugill on his own and new boy VLP was on the bench along with Downing, Tav, Britt, McNair and Fletcher which gave TP attacking options should things go pear shaped. Monk went with his usual starting eleven due mainly to limited resources rather than tactical wizardry with Juke leading the line with Evans.

Boro got proceedings under way as the game saw a steady start from Boro. Not much to get excited about at either end with the biggest cause of angst caused by Jutkiewicz getting free from Clayts who redeemed himself. On eight minutes Wing won a corner taken by Saville which saw a few Boro attempts from Fry and Hugill but the Blues cleared their lines. The ball was being routinely processed up and down the pitch with Maghoma and Jota busy for the Blues but nothing to really threaten either Keeper with quarter of an hour now gone. Batth had to intervene to keep Jutkiewicz at bay as Birmingham nearly prised open the Boro defence. Birmingham then had a series of attempts to get the ball into the Boro box as the home side suddenly increased the tempo and Ayala was forced to cut out danger from Maghoma.

Boro broke next with Ayala clearing his lines and finding Saville in the box with a trademark “Pulis Hoof” who played in Hugill with a nodded downwards header who spectacularly sliced, missing Lee Camp’s goal and was rewarded for his ludicrous error by being metaphorically wiped out by Tony Pulis in the body of Harlee Dean seconds later. Batth conceded a free kick as Ref Graham Scott whistled for an infringement just outside the Boro eighteen yard box which Jota lined up to hit which fortunately went over Randolph’s goal. Lewis Wing responded for Boro by playing in Hugill for our best chance of the game but the West Ham loanee was just behind it and couldn’t get enough on it.

Once again seconds later Hugill was clattered into again this time Morrison leaving Hugill on the deck much to Friends chagrin with the Ref. Boro were having the better of the game now as increasingly the Blues were resorting to roughing up our lone striker. The more niggly they got the more the Red shirts increased their hold on the game. Besic was next to earn a Boro free kick resulting in a yellow card for Kieftenbeld as the home fans started to vent frustrations claiming Boro were making the most of the home sides robust challenges.

A melee in the Blues box saw a few shots that saw Hugill “score” but the Ref denied that it crossed the line despite agonising protests from the Boro camp and the 1,300 travelling army. Again Boro came forward as we could sense nervousness in the Birmingham defence with Saville winning the ball but hacked at (albeit him lying on top of it) with the Ref awarding another Boro free kick and hostilities towards the Official this time from the home fans intensifying Things were now heating up with Boro now looking by far the livelier as Birmingham were looking more and more shall we say looking “resolute”.

With Birmingham now well and truly rocking and both Wing and Saville were enjoying a positive role supporting Hugill. It was an unfamiliar Lewis Wing red boot that met the end of a low Dael Fry cross with a left footed shot sliding in at the far side of the box which had probably fortuitously eluded Saville on its trajectory to put Boro deservedly one goal up on thirty seven minutes. George (Saville) paid a price for his efforts during that build up and was left flat on his back but recovered after some treatment.

Birmingham clearing their heads and got back on the front foot by earning a free kick out wide Jota delivered the set piece towards Morrison which was met initially by Friend but with the ball returning straight back it was met by Ayala and then eventually cleared away by Fry. Batth felt the force of Juke as Friend was also simultaneously battered by Adams giving Boro a deserved free kick and crucially time to take the sting out of this mini Birmingham revival.

A high kick from Ayala on Jutkiewicz had the home fans howling yet again but we breathed a sigh of relief as Graham Scott was seemingly content to just get on with things. Friend then was called into action again blocking an effort then the follow up from Gary Gardiner was hit from distance but never really troubled Randolph as it went out for a goal kick. The first half petered out and Boro went in with a deserved lead and a performance which was uplifting after some very dour efforts of late. Hugill had a few chances and probably should have netted at least one, Saville looked more like a three million pound midfielder as oppose to a three hundred thousand pound midfielder of late as he progressed in the right direction towards his price tag. Wingy was simply, Wingy, except that he had left his black boots back on Teesside but not to worry as those Red ones seemed to be working just as well.

No changes for Boro at half time, Birmingham got the second half under way with ex Makem and Villain Craig Gardiner coming on in place of his younger brother Gary as they started attacking immediately needing an alert George Fiend being equal to their early assault. A lame penalty claim went up from the home fans but was ignored by Graham Scott as the game had recommenced a little scrappy in the opening stages of the half which probably suited Boro more than the Blues. Boro were getting balls quickly out of defence and stretching the Birmingham defence as we were unusually getting bodies into the box and looking good for a second goal with ten minutes of the second half gone.

The game then turned as Boro sat deeper and another penalty claim from Adams who done Ayala and then slid in on Adams but fortunately the Ref adjudged it to be a dive in the box which looked harsh from a Blue perspective. Lewis Wing was then bizarrely booked after a hefty Kieftenbeld challenge presumably for something that he said to the Ref. Birmingham were in the ascendency and now racking up the pressure, looking dangerous with Jota and Maghoma suddenly coming to life again after a very quiet end to the first half.

The game was ticking towards sixty minutes with Boro getting a throw in and taking their time to take the sting out of things and try and regroup. Birmingham were not giving up and were coming back at Boro. The lively Che Adams was attacking down on the left hand side and Danny Batth was adjudged to have fouled him giving Jota a chance to float the ball once again into Randolph’s box. It came in towards the back post and somehow Halree Dean missed the chance when it looked easier to score by hitting the bottom of the upright.

The game had now swung around completely, from Boro finishing the first half looking clever and comfortable now suddenly having to keep things tight at the back, keeping out repeated Blues onslaughts. Hugill was caught late by Dean much to the annoyance of the Boro bench in an attempt to nick the ball away from Jordan who was now looking slightly jaded as he had ran himself into the ground selflessly chasing and harrying the two Birmingham Centre Backs all afternoon. An Adams cross was met by Jutkiewicz but under pressure from Fry it was collected by Randolph.

A Kieftenbeld attempt was given as a hand ball off Saville, dead centre about five yards out from the “D” of the Boro box , nerves jangled as Jutkiewicz hit the ball low with Randolph scrambling to get down to it with the effervescent Adams closing in. Another swift Blues movement with Jota and Adams ended with a goal kick thankfully for Boro which was the time for TP to make a double substitution with Downing coming on for Besic and Britt on for Hugill. Stewy went out wide taking over from Saville as Saville then filled in for Besic. Almost immediately a Lewis Wing ball to Downing ended up with a corner which was contested by Wing and Batth but cleared out to Adams who held it up but Boro thankfully had got back in numbers.

A ball floated in to Gardiner was deflected off George Friend as Birmingham continued to knock on Boro’s door and looking very much like they were going to get something out of this game. Boro were now throwing bodies on the line defending and hacking clear as Paddy McNair was being readied. We were dropping deeper and Maghoma was starting to get plenty of joy, getting in behind Fry causing problems. The earlier substitutions from Pulis had no effect on changing the tide of the game thus far. The inevitable then happened with ten minutes remaining as Che Evans after a one two with Jutkiewicz levelled for the Blues. I have to say in all fairness that Evans deserved his goal for his work rate alone as disappointing as it was.

Monk then brought on Striker Vassell for Kieftenbeld as they now went for it seeing Boro on the ropes. Two minutes later and totally against the run of play Lewis Wing played a sublime, perfectly weighted ball from the half way line up to Assombalonga, splitting both the Birmingham defenders. Britt ran through on goal, picked his spot and with a cool left footed chip broke the St. Andrews hearts leaving Camp helpless. He cheekily nearly added another after the restart but that would have been too much to ask for under the circumstances. Meanwhile McNair was still warming up.

A rampaging George Friend out wide supported Assombalonga on the left leading to a corner. Delivered in from Wing it was cleared out as the game was now suddenly toing and froing dangerously. Wing then made way for McNair who was immediately put under pressure as Maghoma fired in a sweet shot rattling Randolph with just a few minutes of normal time remaining. The fourth Official held up his board indicating four minutes of added time as Boro were now holding on to what they had requiring Assombalonga to scrap and battle up front trying to hold things up. A long range Morrison effort deflected off Saville for a late corner that was fizzed in by Jota that was always going out for a throw in. Dael Fry was “hastened” by Ref Graham Scott to get a move on with the resultant throw as Boro were understandably in no hurry to get things moving.

In the dying seconds a series of Birmingham launched balls into the Boro box were cleared, played back in, cleared again until eventually going out for a goal kick. Randolph was urged to speed up with the kick from Graham Scott which eventually went up to Britt who controlled it and that longed for final whistle went, “phew” and breathe again!

Today was always going to be a tough game, away to a side that had only lost once at home this season and who will reasonably feel hard done to. A game which started dull increased in Boro tempo, deservedly going ahead. The arrival of Craig Gardiner changed the make-up of the second half with Boro initially starting the half confidently then literally clinging on just before and after the Evans equaliser. Out of the blue Wingy again produced a piece of magic to set Britt free to bring home the points totally against the run of play. Throughout the game there was great defending from Ayala and Batth. Fry and Friend done their bit at both ends, Wingy was superb as was Hugill’s battling (or battering despite his glaring miss). Britt started quietly once coming on but then started to cause problems and deserved his winner. Saville had a great first half albeit faded a little in the second or perhaps stood firm depending on your view point and what TP was asking of him. MOM had to be Wing, there were some good performances from those in Red but when the extra magic was needed Wingy was there!

Championship 2018-19: Week 24

Sat 12 Jan – 15:00: Birmingham v Boro

Tony Pulis has apparently had a nice chat with Steve Gibson to enquire over what his credit card limit could be for some late bargains in the January sales – though I think he put it in slightly different terms with the rather mundane sounding phrase “We have to work within the framework of the football club”. No doubt the world-weary chairman perhaps ended the conversation by taking a deep breath and speaking at almost incomprehensible speed his usual disclaimer to his manager:

“All purchases are made in good faith and cannot be returned if subsequently proved to be faulty or not deemed fit for purpose. All contracts are subject to medical approval and age restrictions can apply. The purchaser reserves the right to withdraw from the deal at any time and is not responsible for being unable to reach an agreement on agent’s fees. This is a promotional offer and your job may be at risk if you can’t keep up the repayment of points. Terms and conditions apply.”

Nevertheless, it seems Tony could be looking at the man much further upstairs for divine intervention this time round in the transfer market as he declared “I’m hoping and praying we can get a couple in that will improve us.” I’m sure many of the Boro faithful will say Amen to that but it may start to sound like man who is giving an ever so slight impression of being a somewhat desperate after the disappointment of the summer business. Besides, Pulis has just gone there after admitting that he’d been “desperate” to finally sign a player with pace following sealing the loan deal of van La Parra. He has therefore maybe already played the overly-keen hyperbole card a little too early in the window and has subsequently left himself with only “I’m begging you” followed by “pretty please” in terms of displaying increased leverage to potential signings. It’s possible Tony will once again resort to inventing his own phrases like “leg beater” as he did when describing the pacey man from Huddersfield – perhaps Boro followers should start preparing themselves for Connor Wickham to be described as a “big ballsy bacon saver” after Ashley Fletcher heads on loan to Hull.

Talking of less than sizzling Danish offerings, Martin Braithwaite has had his loan move to Spanish La Liga outfit Leganés confirmed this week after promises that the unsettled forward would get his head down turned out to be nothing more than porkies. Following the collapse of his last-minute move in the summer, Braithwaite’s desire to play for a big club has finally been realised and he’s looking forward to playing in front of heaving full houses of 12,450. Leganés or to give them their full name Club Deportivo Leganés, S.A.D. are located in the south of Madrid and are managed by former Southampton manager Mauricio Pellegrino – though while I’m not sure what S.A.D. actually stands for it sounds like it may be something Middlesbrough should consider adding to their club name too in order to fully reflect the default mood of the supporters.

You may be interested to learn that Leganés are nicknamed Los Pepineros, which apparently means ‘The Cucumber Growers’ and may explain why their initial interest in signing the Dane in the summer was cool – although it’s possibly not a nickname that lends itself to football chanting and perhaps their fans wouldn’t enthusiastically sing “We love you Cucumber Growers we do, We love you Cucumber Growers we do” much in the same way Boro fans would be compelled. With regard to the financial aspects of the deal, it’s been suggested that because of their low stadium capacity, Leganés are unlikely to be paying Braithwaite’s full wages (rumoured to be a lot more than he deserved) and Boro are still possibly stumping up half of them. However, it should be noted they actually received €76m in prize money last season before sponsorship income is added to their less than substantial gate receipts, which probably makes them wealthier than any Championship club. Anyway, after two forced January exits, any chance that the Dane has a future at Boro beyond the summer are probably as close to zero as any very small number less than miniscule proffered.

The key to January will be whether the club have discovered how to attract the right kind of players to Teesside. Since his arrival, the Boro manager has apparently been busy behind the scenes bringing together all the strands of the recruitment network into a coherent strategic unit with the aim of identifying inexpensive talent before rivals do – it may sound a perfectly sensible approach, though cynics may see this as nothing more than an aspirational soundbite.

According to the paper trail from Bulgaria (that’s the country not the Womble), the latest target to appear on Boro’s wanted list is a young forward called Despodov. Amateur etymolgists among the Boro faithful could be forgiven for thinking that the meaning of his name sounds unerringly in English like ‘Disposed of’ and may initially jump to the conclusion that CSKA simply want rid. But not so fast, the £5m-rated Kiril Despodov appears to be highly sought after and has already scored ten goals this season, which potentially makes him even more of a bargain than the last goal-scoring signing Saville.

To avoid any confusion, I should make it clear that the new Boro recruitment team is not based on the Wombles desire for picking up rubbish or is even being headed by Bungo himself – although others have occasionally voiced the alternative opinion that with regard to some of the deals in past it has sometimes given an impression of being run by Muppets instead. Incidentally, like all old favourites, the Wombles were recently rebooted with the voice of Tobermory played by hardman Ray Winstone – which perhaps may shock children of a delicate nature when he shouts “Oi Orinoco, start picking up that litter you slag!” In case anyone is unfamiliar with the character Tobermory, his profile states: “He is patient and steadfastly positive and a strong supporter of most any endeavour the young wombles embark upon.” – so basically a bit like Tony Pulis but without the cuddly exterior.

Whatever the characters involved in recruitment, many supporters at the Riverside would love to see a big name arrive on Teesside but rumours of potential interest in Joshua Erowoli Orisunmibare Oluwaseun Maja from Sunderland was perhaps not quite what they had in mind. Still, the Black Cats striker has scored a credible 14 in 22 appearances this season in League One – though following the 5-0 thrashing of Peterborough that may not be enough to impress Tony Pulis as he seems to rate goals against third tier opposition as being of less significance. The Boro manger was not getting carried away as he tried to keep a lid on the over-emotional element who had witnesses the club’s biggest victory in four years: “We’re playing against a League One side, we’re not playing against a top Championship side. So for as much as I’m delighted and pleased, there’s levels… we have to take everything in context.” Although for many long-suffering supporters the context was finally witnessing a goal-fest at the Riverside rather than an unpalatable diet of dreary low-scoring performances.

Tony Pulis may have a point, the Boro faithful shouldn’t suddenly start expecting to see their team play exciting attacking football like we did in the cup games against the inferior opposition of Peterborough and Burton. To do so could risk Boro being on the end of a heavy defeat against better quality opposition such as the likes of Aston Villa. Although having said that, it’s possible it may have slipped the Boro manager’s mind that his team failed to score against previous League One cannon-fodder Burton after adopting less adventurous tactics and meekly lost the tie. He may also recall his cautious ponderous side were recently thumped 3-0 at home to Villa. So it’s surely a case of finding the right balance and while few are urging him to go all Kevin Keegan, the opposition may in fact be more wary of Boro if they started seeing a few more results in the Peterborough bracket. Up until that point the message his side were giving was that if you manage to score against us you probably won’t lose and could even win as Boro have only scored more than one goal 4 times in the last 15 games – though never more than two.

As Boro head to Garry Monk’s Birmingham on Saturday, it’s perhaps unlikely that Tony Pulis will opt to field three strikers from the off. Although it certainly would show intent and at least surprise the former Boro manager but few observers would be surprised to see a return to business as usual in the safety-first Championship campaign. One player who should be first on the teamsheet is Lewis Wing after his second-half introduction transformed the game with his range of passing, vision and forward momentum – not to mention his goal threat. Boro now have a playmaker who must be the envy of many teams in the Championship and it would be unthinkable that he can now be overlooked by his manger.

It’s going to be possibly one of the hardest team selections of the season for Tony Pulis to make as despite his pragmatic view of the 5-0 thrashing of Peterborough, he must know he has decisions to make. He may even be tempted to give Ashley Fletcher another rare start before contemplating his exit as it would appear unduly hasty to curtail his Boro career at the point where he finally started looking the part. Whether Rajiv van La Parra, or ‘Raj’ as he’s called by the Boss, is ready to start will depend on his match fitness – though Tony’s cautious nature may see Stewart Downing begin instead. The other decision will be who from his plethora of midfield option will he turn too? His old favourites of Besic and Howson have not really delivered often enough to continue to make them first choices – though Howson may get the nod as right wing-back if van La Parra starts on the bench. Pulis is also a fan of tough-tackling Saville and has generally deployed Clayton as his defensive midfielder. In addition, Paddy McNair showed in the Cup he’s also a viable option in midfield and even Leadbitter added leadership and a different dimension. Whoever gets the nod, the name of the game is picking up the points and trying to keep ahead of the play-off contenders and staying hot on the heels of the top two.

Birmingham currently sit top of the 8-game home form table with 17 points and a +9 goal difference – likewise, Boro sit second and just one point behind Norwich in the 8-game away form table with 15 points. Garry Monk’s side are just outside the play-offs at the moment in eighth spot and will see the game against Boro as an opportunity to narrow that gap. Interestingly, both teams share the same goal difference with the Blues having scored and conceded ten more goals. On paper this should be a close game and it may be a case of whether either of managers prefers not to lose rather than win. After the hectic festive schedule, January is a much more sober month with just two Championship games and also no midweek match until mid-February. Most of the action will probably take place off the pitch as managers shuffle their packs in preparation for the business end of the season – it’s therefore important Boro remain focussed on picking up points to keep them well placed should others falter.

Middlesbrough		Peterborough United
Assombalonga Friend Wing Fletcher	47′, 70′ 50′ 62′ 87′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	64% 10 7 2 19	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	36% 9 1 3 3

Five star Posh pushover

The Posh travelled up the A1 to the Riverside for the first FA Cup meeting between the two sides in forty-four years. Today’s visitors had an impressive record in the competition having scored in all of their previous 18 FA Cup ties. In fact this time last season they went to Aston Villa and thumped the Villains 3-1 so this tie was going to be a close affair with zero room for complacency from a Boro perspective.

Disappointing for me but perhaps good news for Boro was that Marcus Maddison would be suspended for this one as I was looking forward to seeing the lad. Steve Evans had new signings Danny Lafferty and Ben White starting in defence alongside returning Ryan Tafazolli for the Posh with ex Boro lad Callum Cooke on the bench. Tony Pulis had a few absentees with Ayala, Flint and Shotton all supposedly out injured. TP had already announced yesterday that youngest ever Boro player 16 year old Nathan Wood and 40 year old Dimi would likely be starting and in doing so taking the oldest player record to represent the club away from Robbo. New loanee VLP was expected to get some game time to build up his match fitness in what would be an unfamiliar Boro line-up.

The Boro line-up as anticipated was an unfamiliar one made all the more confusing by Pulis playing three Strikers! Yes that right THREE STRIKERS! Gestede, Assombalonga and Fletcher, all £27M of them along with Tav and VLP in the starting line-up. Nathan Wood was on the bench with McNair, Fry, Ayala (unexpectedly fit again) and Friend as a back four or even three depending on how we line up and who played where. Grant made up the starting eleven with the Greek God in goal. Apart from Lonergan and Clayts the bench had a very youthful look to it with Spence, Wing, Chapman and Walker alongside Wood.

Posh kicked off as Boro lined up with three at the back with Fry, Ayala and Friend. The earliest chance came to McNair on five minutes hitting a scuffed shot wide of O’Malley’s goal from the edge of the box after a Fry cross. At the other end a cross from Peterborough was left by Friend and Dimi but Toney advancing for Posh fortunately wasn’t alert to the chance. A really good corner taken from VLP saw Friend almost reach a far post header that had been accurately lofted over the entire Peterborough box. The game was open and entertaining without being really competitive at this stage and along with a sparsely populated Riverside had a pre-season friendly feel to it as the game approached the quarter-hour mark. On the positive Boro (Middles not Peter) looked comfortable.

Tav out on the left had tried a couple of dribbles at Ward but the Posh defender read his intentions and timed his tackle to perfection. McNair went on a mazy run and in the end ran out of oxygen or nerve as the Posh defence parted in front of him he then slipped with the goal at his mercy just about on the penalty spot. Twenty minutes had passed and Peterborough hadn’t seriously threatened but there was always the worry that a Typical Boro moment might allow them in. Ward took a long throw into the Boro box and as it was cleared out Ward this time launched a cross back in, which was then cleared to Dembele, who fired in a shot that went inches past Dimi’s right hand post. It was the nearest effort so far as the clock approached 25 minutes and a wake-up call to those in red.

A clever bit of play from VLP on the left earned a corner which he took himself but Ayala couldn’t get a clean header on it. Peterborough responded with an inswinging free kick that was glanced over by Dembele as they had settled more into the game. Tav broke free and beat two men to advance down the left but was wiped out by White, who collected a yellow for his troubles. The resultant free kick was played into the box but Boro’s attack looked disjointed with nobody taking responsibility. Posh passed the ball out of defence and went up through the gears and down the other end of the pitch, carving Boro (Middles) open with far too much ease and should have scored but Toney inexplicably put his shot over the bar with Dimi at his mercy. A foul by Tav on that man Ward again on the edge of our 18 yard box resulted in another scramble in Dimi’s box with Dembele eventually being beaten to a ball and out for a Posh corner as concerns were now being raised by the home fans.

In response to the building Posh pressure both Fletcher and Gestede had headers but one went wide and another straight at O’Malley. A slide rule ball for Gestede to run onto was closed down as the Benin striker should perhaps have made more of the opportunity with two minutes of the first half remaining. Another McNair dribble towards the Posh box ended with him eventually beating himself instead of shooting, the ball was cleared out and fell to Dembele who again advanced forward turning on the afterburners in a warning that this Peterborough side possessed some pace.

A Boro attack died out with Britt hanging onto the ball too long and then inevitably being overcrowded and losing out. Grant had to make a cynical challenge earning a yellow to prevent another high speed Posh breakaway from Britt’s loss and that ended the first half action, which had started comfortably but ended with Peterborough looking the more likely to score. TP’s strike heavy side just didn’t connect or enjoy any intuition between them and as a consequence, apart from high balls into the box, didn’t offer any real threat on O’Malley’s goal.

The second half commenced with Tavernier getting the “home Boro” kicking off with Lewis Wing having come on for VLP. With McNair now looking like a right wing-back, overlapping and acting as a decoy, it dragged defenders away from Wing to allow the sub to pass it into the path of Tav and as he was tackled the ball broke to Fletcher, who shot at goal but with O’Malley being challenged by Gestede he tipped it onto the Posh crossbar only for Britt to react first and head it into the gaping net. Seconds later a cross from the left found Gestede who headed it back towards Britt instead of goalwards and the chance for a quick second was lost. Though not to worry, as Friend then broke down the left, passed it to Fletcher who cut towards the goal line and darted into the box fending off a challenge to slide it back through to Friend, who had continued his run and slid it home to make it 2-0 with the half not even five minutes old.

A McNair challenge in an effort to rescue a previous lapse led to a free kick that was hit straight at Dimi by Toney but the big Greek got down to it easily as Posh looked to be running out of ideas. George Friend was just in front of the dugouts under pressure from Ward but when George twisted and turned, Ward also tried to turn but his studs looked as though they got stuck in the turf and his knee seemingly gave way requiring treatment. Dimi had hearts in mouths minutes after the restart as he nonchalantly dealt with a back pass but while under pressure calmly waited until the last second before passing it away from the advancing attentions of Toney.

As the game entered a quiet spell, a ball up-field to Wing on 62 minutes saw Lewis looking for options and as McNair again dragged the attentions of the two covering defenders momentarily, Lewis despatched a rocket from twenty five yards out that screwed mid-flight towards O’Malley’s top left and found the upper corner of the net to make it 3-0. It’s been said before but when Wing came on Boro (Middles) looked better balanced and joined up. A series of passes between red shirts patiently probed the Posh backline and it was played in to Wing who slid through a well-paced ball to Gestede, who then back-heeled it into the path of Britt taking out two defenders and in doing so left Britt with a cool final pass into the back of O’Malley’s net with the 70-minute mark just coming up.

Three minutes later Gestede was taken off to give 18 year old Stephen Walker a chance to get some more experience and simultaneously Tav also went off for Harrison Chapman to get some first team action. Steve Evans then brought Callum Cooke on for Reid upon his Riverside return. With the game having by now ended as a contest, Evans then brought on Cummings for Dembele with just over ten minutes remaining. Britt had the good fortune of a bobble breaking kindly to him and broke free on 84 minutes, the ex-Posh Striker had Walker screaming at him to release it to him but Britt tried to beat one man too many and the chance for a fifth and a personal hat trick was gone. Not to worry, a ball out of defence from Fry to McNair saw him run down the right flank linking up with Fletcher in a slick move and then saw Walker’s low cross deflected back out to McNair who then centred it to the advancing Fletcher, who pivoted in the middle of the Posh 18-yard box and hit it on the volley giving O’Malley no chance and 5-0.

On 88 minutes Lafferty cut a ball across the Boro (Middles) six-yard box to cause a late scare but the ball wasn’t met at the far post after evading Dimi and George and it went out harmlessly for a goal kick. A minute later Britt was through in the Posh box and was brought down for what looked like a stonewall penalty but Ref James Livington at 5-0 seemingly had a heart and waved away Britt’s protests. Three minutes of added time went up on the fourth Officials board and in the last second a late fierce drive was acrobatically palmed up onto the bar by Dimi to keep a clean sheet on his record-breaking appearance.

MOM was Lewis Wing who came on and changed the entire game but Grant was also worthy of a mention for his reading of the game and spreading the ball around. McNair had a strange game; he had a few wobbly runs that came to nothing but was always full of running and looked far better and coherent when he had Wing to link up with (as did everyone else to be honest). In a strange way I felt that Paddy had shown something there that could maybe be tapped into further, especially with Lewis Wing in front. An underwhelming first half which just didn’t knit together up front at all and then a second half that was light years away from it, yielding a scoreline that nobody was expecting at half time and as a consequence the fourth round now beckons.