Championship 2019-20: Weeks 16-17
Sun 24 Nov – 12:00: Boro v Hull City
Wed 27 Nov – 19:45: Boro v Barnsley
Sat 30 Nov – 15:00: Leeds v Boro
Jonathan Woodgate may well be tempted to put his head in his hands as we enter a crucial last week of November that desperately needs to see an end to an uninspiring sequence of nine games without victory. It’s been recurring nightmare run of results that would possibly even make one notorious anhidrosis suffering member of the royal family wake up in a cold sweat. Although, whilst the non-perspiring prince was ridiculed as the Duke of Porkies for claims his medical condition was induced by an adrenaline overdose when serving in the Falklands, few visitors to the Riverside have experienced anything remotely described as an adrenaline rush in recent months. Indeed, the last time Boro actually won a game was back in mid September when supporters on the terraces basked in 20-degree plus temperatures as they were made to sweat by those other more honest Royals of Reading as their team hung on to their 1-0 lead thanks to some late heroics by Randolph.
Despite a distinct lack of home comforts this season, there has been no shortage of home truths being vented by disgruntled Boro followers after they have witnessed just five goals in eight Riverside games. Woodgate’s initial attempts to switch to a more expansive game have left Boro as the lowest scorers in the Championship and have so far failed to inspire confidence that the club is building that much promised exciting future that was mentioned in the summer. As many choose to raise their doubts about their new head coach on social media, it seems he’s not minded to read their unsupportive offerings. Speaking after the relative goal-fest at QPR, which ended the run of four games without scoring, the Boro head coach declared that the ‘real fans’ (as he calls them) are behind him and his players: “We were getting beat and they were shouting my name. It’s fantastic. It’s brilliant.” – though still no credible evidence to suggest his name was followed by the word ‘out’.
Nevertheless, Woodgate is convinced that it’s just a small mainly anonymous minority who aren’t behind him and the team: “The players are not getting booed, I’m not getting booed. Okay, social media has the odd thing, but you get on with that.” Indeed, he even suspects that those “odd” comments that take aim on Twitter may not even be from Boro fans: “How do you know who they are on social media? They could be Newcastle fans, Sunderland fans, Hartlepool fans, we don’t know who they are, do we? Keyboard warriors?” He may be right as no doubt there must be plenty of Mackems out there getting quite irate at the growing prospect of having to face Boro in League One next season – especially after all the trouble the Wearsiders have taken in avoiding the fixture in recent years.
Labelling those who simply post aggressive ramblings directed personally at the Boro head coach as keyboard warriors possibly elevates them to something more noble. Though surprisingly the actually phrase ‘keyboard warrior’ was first coined in 2014 by the People’s Daily in China to describe the social media response aimed against bystanders who failed to intervene to help a woman who was beaten to death at a McDonald’s restaurant in the Shandong Province.
For those who only normally read the sport’s section of the People’s Daily it was a cautionary tale of blind faith that left Wu Shuoyan as the unfortunate victim of a brutal attack by members of a religious cult called the Church of Almighty God for declining to hand over her mobile phone number so she could be further contacted by the group. Followers were told that as long as they gave donations, the ‘Almighty God’ would keep their illness at bay but Wu’s public refusal saw her denounced as an “evil spirit” by the group, who they later insisted was trying to suck away their life energy and could only be stopped by being killed.
Incidentally, the cult, also known as Eastern Lightening, has according to the Beijing government several million followers who believe that Jesus has been resurrected as a Chinese woman. That woman was discovered to be Yang Xiangbin, who as luck would have it happened to be the wife of the sect’s founder Zhao Weishan – unfortunately the couple had to flee to the United States in 2000 after denouncing the Chinese state as the “evil red dragon” before sadly failing to see their millennialist prophecy of the destruction of the world come to pass – though it’s hard to imagine what people said to cheer them up when it didn’t happen.
They have subsequently claimed in exile that the McDonald’s incident was carried out by a splinter group that comprised mainly of an unemployed textile worker Zhang Lidong and his extended family, who argued that it was they that had the true ‘Two Witnesses’ among them after usurping the claims of another couple from Inner Mongolia. It then got a bit Pythonesque when they claimed that Zhao’s sect are fake ‘Almighty God’, while they were the real ‘Almighty God’, which could possibly be another one for factcheckUK to clear up. However, it’s possible that Zhang and his daughter Zhang Fan already know if they are the real ‘Almighty God’ as they were tried and executed for their crime.
Anyway, after that all too brief delve into the somewhat murky origins of keyboard warriors, I suspect it has possibly raised more questions than it answered. Indeed, what about the cult of North-East Lightening and why has it failed to strike more than once at the Riverside this season. Plus are Woody and Keano really the true two witnesses who can shed light on the matter? if so, what have they seen that we haven’t and should they even be considered reliable witnesses? OK, any form of divine intervention is probably a long shot for the Boro faithful at this moment but no doubt many men on Teesside will at least sympathise with the delicate problem of having a wife who many believe to be all powerful – even if she’s prone to expecting miracles instead of producing them.
Right now the issue of belief for supporters is one that has been stretched by Boro’s failure to win games and is surely not something that can continue indefinitely. With two home games in the space of four days, it would perhaps reach breaking point if the run without three points continued into December – especially given that one of the upcoming games is against the bottom club. Granted, Boro put in a much better display at Loftus Road but it still didn’t conclude in victory and QPR were their usual poor selves defensively. Nevertheless, at least Britt took his goals well and that is at least a welcome sign given many were struggling to think where Boro’s next goal was coming from. Woodgate’s team have only been averaging around two-thirds of a goal per game, so to score two was actually three game’s worth in one afternoon.
Whether the return to scoring ways will attract the supporters back to the Riverside for Sunday lunchtime’s TV games is difficult to say. Demand to watch the Boro on Teesside has started to wane in recent weeks and that may be a factor in how long Steve Gibson is prepared to allow Woodgate to find his feet – albeit without a gun in his hand. The Boro chairman must have looked on in envy at Kosovo during the international break as there were 300,000 applications for tickets for their game against England with seats for only 13,500 available. One Kosovo supporter was so desperate for a ticket he even offered a kidney in exchange on Facebook. Whether anyone on Teesside would be prepared to offer their kidney for a seat at the Riverside this weekend is unlikely – especially as both will probably be needed to work overtime as sorrows are regularly anticipated being drowned in post-match therapy.
Incidentally, a recent survey found that the average drinker will spend £38,000 on pints of beer in their lifetime, which doesn’t sound like much of a budget for anyone who followers a football team. A quick back-of-the-beer-mat calculation may expose that figure as a little lightweight as the survey also quoted the price of the average pint at £3.61 – which if you consider average life expectancy is just over 80, then it should give you a good 60 years of drinking. So by my reckoning that equates to just under three-and-a-half pints per week, which surely goes to prove why the glass of a Boro supporter on a daily basis is generally only half full – or is that half empty?
Anyway, as far as football is concerned, it’s been a long time since anyone raised a glass in celebration on Teesside. This Sunday sees Hull City arrive at the Riverside as Woodgate seeks victory in front of the cameras. The Tigers took the textbook step of appointing a 39-year old as head coach this summer with the former Northern Ireland midfielder Grant McCann. Incidentally, he made his professional league debut in 2001 for West Ham in a 2-1 defeat at the Riverside. Although, unlike Woodgate, Hull is not McCann’s first managerial post as he started out as a number one at Peterborough in the summer of 2016, before being dismissed at the end of February 2018 after a run of seven games (not even nine) without a win. His next post was at Doncaster, where he took them into the play-offs last season but lost out against Charlton and was then appointed as the Tiger’s head coach.
Hull had a slow start to their campaign with just one win in the opening six fixtures but their last ten games have seen steady form with 17 points gained from a possible 30. Indeed, the recent form of McCann’s team saw them beat Forest, Derby and Fulham before losing narrowly 1-0 against leaders West Brom last time out. It suggests that Boro will need to play well to get anything from Sunday’s game and it’s perhaps not a fixture that Woodgate’s team will easily get three points from.
Much will depend on the team’s performance this weekend and defeat would undo any minor momentum gained in that comeback against the Hoops. At least the return of George Friend and Darren Randolph gave the Boro head coach a stronger looking defence but it still resulted in avoidable goals being conceded. Friend’s return allowed McNair to move back into midfield where he has been the main driving force and hopefully he’ll not be needed in a back three for some time. There seems to still be a problem of balance in the team as clean sheets come at the expense of not scoring and a more potent attack has usually resulted in goals being conceded – the three occasions this term when Boro have scored more than once in a game have been the 3-3 at Luton, the 2-2 at Bristol and the 2-2 at QPR. Somehow Boro need to find a way of scoring against opposition who don’t play so open or at least stopping those teams from scoring too.
Whatever the outcome on Sunday, the following game against Barnsley is surely a must win. If Boro can’t beat a team that have only picked up just two points on their travels this season then the game is surely up. OK, the cliche often quoted is that there are no easy games in the Championship but it would be hard to see how Woodgate can turn things around if he can’t pick up three points on Wednesday. The Tykes have just appointed the 42-year old Austrian Gerhard Struber as manager, who last season finished third in the Austrian top tier with Wolfsberger. He’s reportedly built his reputation on developing players and is known for his tactical approach to the game – perhaps Steve Gibson should make a mental note. At least playing Barnsley next week before he’s had much chance to work with his players may be for the best – though the worry is that it’s yet another team in the relegation pack that have made a managerial appointment with a view to escaping the drop zone.
Those two home games are then followed by a trip to Elland Road for the non-derby, where automatic promotion hopefuls Leeds have lost only once this season. Marcelo Bielsa team have built their challenge on a solid defence and have yet to enter double figured for goals conceded. It’s game between the Championship’s meanest defence and the team with worst attack in Boro – so it’s hard to see Woodgate getting much joy when he returns to his old club. Of course, there will be some talk of Patrick Bamford but the latest transfer rumours have seen the name of Dani Ayala possibly being the subject of bid by the West Yorkshire club in January. Boro’s Spanish stopper (as the local press would say) is out of contract in the summer but has been offered a new contract on reduced terms. As we know money talks louder than sentiment in football and at 28 he probably still has one decent contract left in his career, which may well be away from Teesside if his agent does some touting around.
In truth, the economics at Boro mean that key players will leave and that’s probably more likely if the club are struggling against relegation to League One. As ever it won’t be the players we want to get rid of that will attract offers in January and Paddy McNair will have already caught the eye of those club seeking to bolster their promotion squads. Indeed, the consequence of our current bad run is that the club may find it difficult to refuse any decent offers in January, while simultaneously becoming a less attractive option for targets who can add quality to the team.
Boro are literally in a no-win situation where it appears the only solution is to start winning games and begin climbing the table – Even Jonathan Woodgate is clear that now is the time to start winning and has said so: “We have to start winning games and there is no getting away from that.” He also thanked the fans for their patience but in truth what real choice is there but to sit and wait patiently given there’s little indication from anyone at the club that they are contemplating a change. It’s bit like one of those delayed train announcements by the driver that ends shortly before arriving at the destination with “sorry for any inconvenience caused” – in that sense supporters are simply like passengers trapped on a slow-moving train with no option to change and can only post their displeasure on social media. Only it seems Boro’s season was derailed before it left the station and now we’re quickly running out of track.