Category: Uncategorized

Middlesbrough		Nottm Forest
		Lolley Grabban ▮ Robinson	49′ 77′ 80′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	53% 17 4 11 15	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	47% 16 5 4 16

Boro Bottlers Stumped

Today welcomed the return (again) of Aitor Karanka, to some a harshly treated under-appreciated Boro Manager to others one who had simply ran out of ideas and tactical nous to take us any further. Whatever the colour of your views on him he did get us promoted and without that promotion financially we would not be one of the strongest clubs in the Championship which considering where the Club was financially when he first arrived his tenure has to be marked down as a success after being stuck in the second tier for seven years.

His Forest side arrived in a steady run of form, gradually improving as the season has progressed in typical AK style, nothing spectacular, steady, dependable, well organised and disciplined. The word from the Trent was that AK no longer tries to win 0-0 and endeavours nowadays to have some attacking intent rather than relying on binary results in his favour.

The big Boro selection question was if Clayts would come back into the side after serving his one match suspension or would TP stick with the same midfield from Tuesday night. Considering the two Boro goals came from midfielders it would be interesting to see if our player of the season to date would be benched. AK had doubts over Joe Lolley and had slim hopes for Striker Hillal Soudani. Winger Diogo Goncalves was definitely missing serving the last of a three game ban.

The stats showed that Forest were without an away win in their last eleven league games so a Typical Boro occasion for the return of Aitor had crossed minds pre Kick Off. The anticipated main threat for Boro would be Lewis Grabban who is a top Striker at this level and a handful for any defender to keep quiet. The teams when officially announced had a few surprises, Lolley was deemed fit which was to be bad news for Ryan Shotton and Grabban was benched in favour of Daryl Murphy who presumably was selected as being deemed more suited to counter Boro’s back line of giants especially when getting back defending set pieces. For Boro TP went with the same side that destroyed one of the Championship’s worst teams for 20 minutes on Tuesday night and then sat back and clung on for the last 70 minutes. I wasn’t comfortable at Clayton being excluded but my anxieties before the start were soon to be multiplied a thousand fold soon after.

Boro kicked off which was about the most possession they had for the opening twenty minutes. Actually after two minutes it was clear that AK has had a born again renaissance and played cavalier swashbuckling, aggressive attacking football with tempo. Who would have thought it possible? Perhaps he has reflected on his time here and also witnessed the fall from grace of his former mentor. As his Forest side got going quickly Boro were being ripped apart down the flanks. Friend was left exposed and destroyed by being left in a 2v1 scenario repeatedly while Braithwaite seemingly felt his role was to be that of a mere spectator for the opening thirty minutes leaving George to get on with it on his own.

As embarrassing as it was to see George tortured he was doing pretty well compared to his opposite compatriot who started half asleep and then spent the rest of the game being ripped apart in a woeful performance that left us exposed defensively every time Lolley went on a run. Shotton quite simply had no answer to him and was routinely skinned all afternoon consequently left chasing shadows and usually five yards behind them at that.

Centrally Ayala looked a bit nervy alongside Flint and no wonder as their one man defensive shield was sat on the bench. I didn’t think George Saville was worth one million let alone eight at the time of his arrival but if his performance today is anything to go by I hope his “loan” is of the Sean St Ledger variety. Maybe playing in front of the centre backs isn’t his game but if it isn’t it was astonishing that TP didn’t see how outplayed, outclassed and totally lost he was. “Astonishing” may be too strong a word under normal circumstances but five minutes into the game it was clear that the team selection and tactics were wrong and not by just a little bit.

Besic seemingly thought that his Ipswich goal meant that he now had a free pass to stroll through the game. Braithwaite was wasted and lost at out wide left, Howson seemed to pop up in desperate situations trying to save blushes but overall our midfield was a dysfunctional, out-battled and confused mess.

Our RB and LB were having a torrid time and up front Hugill may be a footballer but based on today it was hard to tell as he was diving before the ball was even being played up to him. Football is a difficult enough game but trying to play it sprawled on the floor or sat on your backside must make it far more difficult than is normally required. Like Saville I hope his tenure has the contractual detail of the Sean St. Ledger variety.

That leaves us with two players, Downing and Randolph. Randolph wasn’t to blame for his defenders and midfielders looking like Virgins at one of Caligula’s New Year’s Eve parties so I am happy to absolve him of what unfolded before him. Downing was immense, another nine Stewart Downing’s and we might have nicked a draw but despite his solitary efforts he couldn’t play eleven opponents on his own.

On thirty minutes something bizarre happened, someone must have had a remote “on switch” for Martin Braithwaite as he suddenly awoke from his previous comatose state and started playing, dancing in and out of the Forest defence, rattling them and even having a shot deflected off the cross bar. Hallelujah, finally it looked like we could maybe, just maybe might make a game of it after all. Earlier in the day Leeds had managed a late goal to grab a draw against Brentford which presented Boro with the opportunity to top the Championship tonight and over the International break. That pressure was clearly too much for the playing staff and the Manager as they completely bottled it and were fortunate to reach half time at 0-0.

Phew! Was the general feeling as the half time whistle thankfully went with another poor Refereeing display only topped by an atrocious tactical car crash by TP. No doubt he will bemoan the Officials again but it was he who selected the same side as against Ipswich requiring them to play two games in five days which must have been exhausting for them or it certainly looked like it. There was no way he could send his charges back out organised in the same manner and with the same personnel.

The first half was the worst ever witnessed under his tenure and surely he could see and accept that he screwed it up and got the entire thing wrong. Nope! Out came the same eleven at the start of the second half, the varied utterances of disbelief around me in the North Stand are not suitable to be put into print but they were more colourful and passionate than that which we witnessed in the opening 45 minutes from those in Red Shirts.

Forest kicked off and it was a case of as you were. We were struggling, our defence was under pressure exposed without the protection of Clayts and the inevitable happened when the cumbersome but effective Murphy fed Lolley who launched a cracking volley that sailed across the Riverside in almost dramatic slow motion and nestled beautifully in Randolph’s top corner. Sometimes as sickening as it is you just have to sit back and appreciate an artist at work. It was almost Adam Reach good that’s how good it was, Ronaldo himself would have been proud of it, almost Beckhamesque in fact! It was a fitting goal to be the first scored by an away side this season.

0-1 and TP would now have to respond to belatedly repair his defensive frailties and midfield morass and the perennially prostrate Hugill. It took another ten minutes after the goal for Pulis to react, why it took ten minutes I have no idea because it was blatantly obvious after the opening ten minutes of the first half that changes and drastic ones at that needed to be made. At this point in time Downing was still magnificent as he had been all afternoon but Brathwaite was now supporting, asking questions, looking lively and the one most obvious to tip things back in our favour. Besic seemed a little livelier but Saville was still poor and that is being polite, “off the boil” or “the game passed him by” are other tactful euphemisms for the Northern Irishman’s struggles.

With thirty minutes remaining TP made what was possibly the most disconcerting, baffling, confusing and dysfunctional substitutions all at one time I have witnessed by a Boro Manager in a long time and I include Trashcan in that. Braithwaite went off with a chorus of boos directed at the decision to be replaced by Gestede. At that time apart from Downing the Dane was the only other player actually playing and not panicking and actually looked like he just might unlock the Forest defence who had lost Dawson through injury in the first half after an ankle injury and Friend running through him like a quarterback a short while later.

Just as a reincarnation of one of Redcar Beach’s finest rides had ran onto the pitch we lost another as Hugill managed to stay on his feet long enough to coordinate his lower limbs far longer than he had manged all afternoon to depart the pitch. In what seemed more like a desperate “old player” haunting his ex-employers wish than a cleverly thought through tactical piece of ingenuity on TP’s part Assombalonga entered the fray as the West Ham loanee’s replacement. Besic was the final part of the tripe sorry triple TP conundrum being replaced by the greatly missed Clayton. How Saville remained on the pitch was a mystery wrapped up within in that very conundrum.

Balls were launched up field but invariably more at Britt than Rudy (scratches head) which came to nothing but when the balls were in the general area of Gestede it either bounced off his head in an untoward direction or he managed to foul his opponent in an ungainly manner conceding a free kick in the process. Britt was put through by Howson in a well worked move setting him up only to hit a low shot from ten yards out too close to Pantilimon who dived and collected all too easily. Minutes later Britt had another great chance as he managed to direct a header wide of the goal from a few yards out. We did hope that if another three clear chances came his way he may actually get close to troubling the giant keeper but it wasn’t to be.

Meanwhile before all that Boro excitement Lolley nearly added a second which was blocked by Randolph with Murphy charging in to try and seal the deal for Forest. Karanka then sent on Grabban to give the ageing Striker a deserved break and the tortured minds of the Boro defence another nightmare scenario to deal with. Aden Flint was playing up front more than in defence as the ploy to send Gestede on to win high balls just wasn’t working despite his enthusiastic jumping. It’s a shame that we had to rely on that tactic considering that any players who could create something had now either been subbed or worse, deemed not required for the bench thanks to all these shiny new TP recruits.

Five minutes from coming on Grabban had grabbed his goal after a ball played across the Boro box was tapped in by the clinical striker. The build up to the goal is best glossed over but suffice to say Saville was involved and not in a good way. We did have a similar and probably easier opportunity minutes earlier but the reactions of our fresh shiny new Strike force were somewhat delayed (read non-existent). Fears of being reported to the RSPCA by the stewards for abuse of Muffin (those under sixty may struggle with that one) curtailed responses in the North Stand!

To rub salt in the wound Forest even gifted us the chance to redeem something in the final few moments by going down to ten men as Robinson received his marching orders for a second yellow in trying to emulate Jordan Hugill but he just hasn’t mastered the artistic, twist, turn, grimace, angst and look of arm spread unfairness as he spread-eagled himself. Near the end we did have a series of headers in the Forest box that reminded me of beach holidays in speedos on the Costa’s from a few decades back but there was far more competitiveness in those drunken head tennis games from memory. Gestede did actually score but he was adjudged to have fouled Pantilimon. I’m not so sure that he did but the Ref probably figured if he managed to get the ball into the net it must have been through foul play and erred on the side of probability. It made little difference anyway and was far more than we deserved as if ever there was a game where Boro were lucky to get zero it was this one.

A crescendo of boos greeted the final whistle which in my opinion was far too complimentary. MOM was Downing whose nearest competitor was a young lass who served me in the concourse who without a single days training at Rockliffe was managing to serve burgers, pints and operate a till simultaneously. Today wasn’t just a bad day at the office, to say that would be to sweep evidence under the carpet. Signs were there at Ipswich despite the scoreline on the night that we can’t dominate and impose ourselves on teams. The eulogy of Wing and Tavernier just grew by several volumes today (and I haven’t commented on the heated “Bamford out and Hugill in” debate a few rows behind me that was in overdrive mode in the dying minutes). There was an unhealthy series of mumbled agreements of a Manager desperately justifying his own buys on the walk back down the Riverside Road. Something has changed recently and not for the better, what that something is will be up to TP to identify or perhaps admit to.

Championship 2018-19: Week 10

Tue 2 Oct – 19:45: Ipswich v Boro
Sat 6 Oct – 15:00: Boro v Forest

They say in space no-one can hear you scream, but for those football followers inhabiting the rarefied atmosphere on Teesside, there was still a distinct audible sound of pain emanating from Planet Boro on Saturday following another opportunity missed. Indeed, before the misguided sentence ‘Boro have a chance to go top’ is even completed, the follicles of many are preparing to part company with their keratin proteins in anticipation of hair being once more torn out in frustration. Though it was always tempting fate when launching a superfluous third kit in Real Madrid white that Boro’s Galacticos would put in a performance that never got off the ground – let alone one deemed even remotely out of this world. Still, the sound of the Teesside travelling army singing “we’re the finest team in football, the world has ever seen” may have been evidence that some were perhaps living in a parallel universe.

By far the happiest people on Teesside will possibly have been those who had paid to watch the beam-back from the KCOM stadium at the Riverside and were subsequently refunded after the event was predictably cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. Although I suspect many of the Boro faithful who had made the trip to Hull may have wished that they could have also been beamed back to Teesside during the half-time interval after the players from both sides had shown little in the way of enterprise. Unexpectedly caught in a Strachanesque time-warp, many spaced-out supporters probably struggled to cling on to consciousness after sympathetically giving each other a Vulcan death grip in an attempt to dull the experience – before gasping “It was football Jim but not as we know it” as they were admitted to sickbay at James T Cook hospital.

It doesn’t take a dilithium crystal ball to see a warped future where a team without creative players fails to create chances. All the vital signs of a team struggling with the alien concept of passing the ball accurately forward were there to see and many have called for the next generation of academy graduates to be given their chance instead. As the conditioning team try to pick the bones out of latest matchday biometric data from the Boro camp, some are anticipating that it’s unlikely to show any signs of life. Whilst the recent performances may have left quite a few stunned, the Boro manager appears unfazed by calls to seek out new life in his squad and boldly go where no Tony Pulis team has gone before. Nevertheless, seeking out the strange new world of attacking football still seems light years away as he’s seemingly a man on a mission of discovering what to try next.

While still averaging 1.9 points per game, Boro remain statistically close to achieving that stellar goal of automatic promotion and if most nervous Boro followers had been offered third spot after ten games, they probably would have bitten your hand off once they’d finished with their fingernails. Though that statistic may be hiding the continued downward trend of points being returned, which once peaked at an average 2.6 per game after the first five matches in comparison to just 1.2 from the last five. Indeed, if Boro lose at Ipswich they will drop below our opponents on Tuesday in the six-game form table – the Tractor Boys are chugging along in 21st and Boro are currently 9th but would likely fall to around 18th following defeat with just 6 points from 6 games.

Of course victory at Portman Road could see Boro climb to top spot and we can once again contemplate an international break staring at the table while we recalibrate our glasses from half-empty to half-full, if not overflowing. Despite losing only one of their last five games, Ipswich remain in the bottom three after failing to register a single victory this season under new manager Paul Hurst. The 44-year old joined the Suffolk club from League Two side Shrewsbury after taking them to both the play-off and EFL Trophy finals last season – though unfortunately they lost both.

Hurst was apparently happy to become Ipswich manager under financial constraints and was said to be comfortable with the £3m transfer budget he was given, which should indicate the potential gulf between the two sides. Although Ipswich have lost four games this season, they have drawn all five of their home games and were unlucky not to win at Birmingham at the weekend after leading 2-0 at half-time. It could be another tight game as Hurst’s side have only conceded three goals in their last four home outings and Boro may find their chances on goal are limited – even by recent standards.

Tony Pulis has not yet settled on a way to play effectively having failed to sign the genuine wide players he coveted in the summer and Boro are struggling to find solutions on how to add creativity to their game. Although Pulis is regarded as old school, he has embraced modern methods and the use of technology for monitoring his players fitness and performance. Perhaps the Boro manager could seek to emulate those in Silicon Valley who design and conceive the ideas and products on which much of our modern sport and lifestyles now depend on. Thinking outside the box, or indeed inside it, is not a trait normally associated with a Tony Pulis team and now may be the time to experiment with the latest trends in the high-tech industry that many use to improve creativity.

It’s now commonplace among the high-performing geeks of Silicon Valley to self-medicate by micro-dosing psychedelic drugs such as LSD and Magic Mushrooms. Many believe it improves their productivity and creativity, with some saying it makes them feel more excited about their work, while others claim it also lifts the fog of depression – though not to be confused with the smog of depression that rarely lifts for Boro followers, which is not so much a condition but a way of life. Whether the club will also contemplate micro-dosing the complimentary pre-match drink in order to get the crowd excited about watching another limited Tony Pulis display is another matter – though it’s probably highly unethical and risks those who may down two or three pints before kick-off hallucinating to the point where they may start seeing imaginary goals.

The practice is reportedly widespread among the Californian elites and it’s prompted Imperial College to undertake a blind trial this month with those workers currently self-medicating. Though just to be clear, a blind trial is not how the Boro recruitment team identify players but involves giving some participants a placebo instead so they don’t know if it’s the real thing or not – which I should repeat is not comparable to the recruitment team’s assessment of players. Incidentally, the Swiss scientist Albert Hofmann, who first synthesised LSD in 1936 was reported to have micro-dosed the drug into his old age – he actually only died in 2008 at the age of 102 and had claimed a few years earlier that his hallucinogenic days were well behind him, along with that purple dog that kept following him. He referred to LSD as his problem child and was said to have been disturbed by the cavalier use of the drug in the sixties counter-culture.

Nevertheless, putting credence in anecdotal claims of the rich and powerful elites of Silicon Valley, who some claim are exhibiting signs of being borderline psychopaths, is perhaps something that should be taken with a large micro-dose of salt. Not only are some experimenting with self-medication with psycho-active compounds but others, such as the multi-millionaire CEO of several internet start-up companies, Serge Faguet, has embarked on a regime that he labels bio-hacking. It involves technologically assisted monitoring of bodily functions that then automatically sends signals to his smartphone on when he needs to self-administered injections of hormones and a daily regime of popping over 60 capsules with a strict diet and exercise regimes. The aim of the 32-year old is to live for ever and even plans to ultimately merge into a robot to become an ultra human. He also has declared he won’t have children as they are bad ROI (return on investment) and shuns the complication of relationships in favour of keeping several women on special retainers for his physical needs, who he rewards for their time with expensive gifts and paid-for flats – while being quite adamant that they are “definitely not prostitutes”.

Of course, experiencing the sensation of living for ever is available to many on Teesside, as time can sometimes appear to pass so slowly when watching a Boro attack build that it’s often confused with eternity as onlookers wait for something of note to judge the passing of time – though it’s sometimes a fine balance between feeling immortal and also losing the will to live. The early doors of perception were that Tony Pulis was going to open our minds to a brave new world of Championship success. However, current performances may suggest that no-one gets out here alive and the Boro manager may have to get prepared to ride out the storm if his team fail to break on through into the Premier League.

It may just sound like the fantasy world of a disturbed individual seeking immortality but there are indeed very rich powerful people actively pursuing this dream. Self-styled Bond villain and reckless Tweeter, billionaire Elon Musk of Tesla fame and planned human colonisation of Mars, has argued that humans need to become cyborgs to survive the inevitable robot uprising. Those who don’t like the way their bolshie Flymo sometimes approaches them, may be interested to know that Musk is starting work on developing an era of transhumanism with his new brain-computer interface company, Neuralink. Plus former CEO of Google Ventures, Bill Maris, has formed Calico (short for California Life Company), with the single aim to “solve death” and I’m sure he’ll give everything to succeed or at the very least die trying. Also former Facebook president, Sean Parker, declared that because he’s a billionaire he would have the resources to live to 160 and imagined “I’m going to be part of this class of immortal overlords.” Though the most important question is which one of these potential billionaire megalomaniac cyborgs will take over from Steve Gibson as Boro owner if he decides to shun immortality himself.

The acid test for Tony Pulis is whether his team can gain promotion and it has looked in recent games that some of the players appear on a different wavelength as they failed to either turn up or tune in before dropping out of the automatic promotion places. Although it may be too soon to advocate swapping the team coach for a magic bus and resorting to psychedelic micro-dosing in an attempt to find that missing creativity.

Perhaps those Boro followers who decide on making the trip to Ipswich will contemplate the starting line-up as they picture themselves on a train in a station, with plasticine supporters with working class ties, suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle, a girl with kaleidoscope eyes – who then scans their ticket as they are ushered into the away end. A chorus of “Lewis in the side with diamonds”, such as the still rough cut Tavernier, is no doubt what they will be hoping to hear – although Sgt. Pulis may not be quite ready to give his lonely band of strikers some much needed company from midfield and they may have to get by with just a little help from George Friend and Ryan Shotton’s long throws.

Talking of an altered state of mind, the smouldering Aitor Karanka returns to the Riverside on Saturday with his team of still possibly merry men at Forest. The Tricky Trees have made steady if unspectacular progress this season as they sit comfortable in mid table after drawing six and losing just the one game at sixth-place Brentford. Karanka’s side have surprisingly only failed to score in one game this season and that unsurprisingly was against Swansea in a goalless draw. Former Bournemouth striker and last season Villa loanee, Lewis Grabban, has also started finding the net for his new club with four goals in his last three games.

Still, the former Boro manager must be looking rather enviously towards Tony Pulis with just four goals conceded this term – Bilbao Baggins, down in the Nottingham shire, will still surely covet his precious clean sheets. Few will be expecting a goal-fest when these sides meet but hopefully some Boro players will still be highly motivated to put one over on their old gaffer. Anyway, after the spectre of typical Boro revealed itself in all its lack of glory at Hull last Saturday, let’s hope this week sees a return to intensity on the pitch and some signs that creativity can be delivered in more than just microscopic doses.

Hull		Boro
Bowen	69′ (pen)	Assombalonga	51′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	52% 10 3 2 9	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	40% 12 4 4 17

Limited kit suits limited Boro

As good a start as Boro have experienced in this seasons championship Hull’s has been nothing short of a nightmare. A club ravaged by an ongoing clash between the Fans and the Clubs Owners has not subsided and the drip away of talent plus low key replacements hasn’t improved the mood and as things stand they are tipped to follow Sunderland’s drop this season into League 1. Ever the optimist poor Nigel Adkins is charged with turning around the fortunes of the Tigers for which mere survival would be a success after a run of one win in their last five games and being thumped by fellow strugglers Reading 3-0 last time out.

It’s a cautionary tale to fans of Clubs who want new Foreign Owners in the belief that their millions will transform their club into the Chelsea of the North. During his press conference under fire Adkins confirmed that Mazuch, Dan Batty and injury prone Evandro, will all be missing for the visit of Boro. Amazingly Adkins can still call on attitudinal bad boy and Boro nemesis Kamil Grosicki who despite many efforts to the contrary still remains at the KCOM Stadium.

There have been quite a few Players to have worn both shirts in recent history, Parlour, Barmby, Ayala, Windass and Boateng but going further back Wilf Mannion also turned out for City after his time at Boro came to an end during Press allegations (or more accurately his revelations) about shady dealing in Players wages and Transfers in the game. He only managed 17 appearances for Hull before being barred from League Football by the FA.

Both Managers would have been privileged and delighted to be able to field a Player even remotely approaching Wilf’s ability today but as it stood TP’s selection had a surprise in that both Braithwaite and Downing were on the bench but with two CB’s for company and no Wing and Tav it was a brave choice. Adkins included Grosicki in his starting line up which perhaps indicated both the pressure and desperation of the Hull Manager. The game kicked off with Boro playing in a new White kit in a sparsely populated half empty KCOM Stadium as the Travelling army provided the little atmosphere that was being generated filling the East Stand corner bathed in sunshine.

Jarrod Bowen nearly opened proceedings on three minutes after Friend made a hash of defending despite his complaints of being fouled to Ref Darren England. The game was surprisingly open with both sides having a go and both sides also having Penalty claims in the opening ten minutes. There was very little in terms of quality on show and the game looked messy without either side taking control.

The first corner went to Boro after thirteen, labouring, wearisome minutes. It was delivered in by McQueen, low and at the near post in what looked like an error rather than a deliberate plan. The corner was reflective of how dire the game was at that point. Boro seemed to be playing with Friend as part of three at the back and McQueen and Shotton operating as Wing Backs.

Boro’s first real attempt came on twenty one minutes from Saville playing a ball up field to Hugill who controlled it, played it across the box into Britt’s path who disappointingly hit his shot back across the box and well wide of the exposed Hull goal leaving Marshall unruffled. Despite that miss Assombalonga and Hugill were linking up OK but there was a gap between defence and attack yet again with nothing knitting the two ends of the Boro side together. As the game approached the half hour mark Boro looked to be starting to get the upper hand of sorts in a game that thus far was remarkable only for its forgetability.

Hull’s Jordi de Wijs went down and had to go off on the half hour mark with Kingsley coming on and Lichaj going across to CB. On the restart Hugill chased Marshall down after the ball had been deliberately put out for treatment to de Wijs which finally stirred up the few Tiger fans still awake and bothered enough to boo. Despite those two changes made by TP there wasn’t much evidence that those on the field had responded in any way to the implied threat that positions were at risk. After the substitution the next excitement was when Rees Burke had to change his shirt for a large rip. When he re-joined the game he almost immediately gave the ball away to Hugill who was then scythed down by Irvine to compensate for Burke’s momentary aberration.

Hugill was again scythed down just after he re-joined the game after receiving treatment for Irvine’s previous attention but Darren England saw nothing in the challenge. With Hull now starting to look a little ragged Henricksen was next to go into England’s book for a rash challenge on Saville. Despite Hull’s obvious lack of class Boro just weren’t doing enough of whatever it was their game plan was and indeed a cross into the box from Grosicki required Saville to chest the ball out for a corner to Hull to spare Boro blushes.

Looking at the Boro bench Batth, Braithwaite, McNair, Downing, Fry and Mo Besic didn’t look to be able to give TP the options he now needed to change things radically from what had gone before. A last minute First Half chance in the form of a Clayton launched Free Kick from the half way line was wasted as Ayala couldn’t resist the opportunity to give away a stupid foul and with it the chance to maybe nick a half time lead.

No creativity, no pace zeal or zest and absolutely dire set pieces yet again and the worst 45 minutes witnessed under Pulis which worryingly is now becoming more commonplace. The questions being asked from fans during the interval was how on Earth can Wing and Tav not get in ahead of that load of dross? Boro came out for the second half surprisingly with all starting personnel still intact, for how long though was the question on everyone’s lips?

Hull kicked off the second period with a statement of intent that the dross was likely to continue by hitting the ball straight out of play. McQueen and Saville then contrived to feed Friend who burst through towards the Hull box but his shot flew well over in keeping with the predictable accuracy of Boro’s shooting. In a game that on paper Boro should be bossing with ease it was a Grosicki sloppy ball conceding a throw in that provided the break through. From the quickly taken Shotton throw the ball was launched in by Howson to drop on Britt’s toe in the six yard box to tap in putting Boro fortunately one up. A minute later Britt nearly added a second as Hull had now started to push up and some space at the back opening up.

Hull were now applying some pressure, constantly seeking to find Bowen in the hope of him getting them back into the game. Another throw in was launched in from Shotton and this time Flint’s header went just over Marshall’s goal centrally as he outjumped the attentions of two Hull defenders. The obligatory Clayton booking came next after a clash with Bowen arguing that it was just a coming together.

From the resulting Free Kick Randolph collected it and was kicking the ball out as Martin got in the way of it bizarrely and earned himself a yellow card. A few moments later a Hull penalty claim was waived away but seconds after Ayala clashed with Martin for a clear penalty given away cheaply for a push in the back. Martin was just inside the box facing away from goal and there were three Boro defenders behind Ayala. It has been mentioned on a few occasions that Ayala’s discipline could cost us and this was a game that we looked to have been grinding out a result and frustratingly and unnecessarily threw it away. Bowen calmly stepped up and sent Randolph the wrong way to bring the sides level.

Pulis responded by preparing a change as Hull buoyed by their equaliser had now found a little inspiration and Bowen came close yet again. Downing came on for the ineffective McQueen and Clayton came off for Besic and Braithwaite went on for Hugill. Meanwhile Grosicki had been simultaneously brought off by Adkins for Frazier Campbell with 15 minutes remaining. The game had slumped back into the mire again and as frustrations were building Aden Flint was booked for presumably offering Darren England a view on his earlier penalty decision. Hull now looked the livelier despite the triple Boro substitution who had struggled to make an influence on the game. Another silly foul this time from Besic had Boro defending in numbers from which Boro broke but the attempt ran out of steam. Formation wise it now looked to be four at the back with Saville in for Clayts, Braithwaite and Downing out wide with Howson and Besic central.

A nervy moment from Shotton as he let the ball bounce had us with hearts in our mouths as we feared the Typical Boro moment. Downing set Howson up in the final minute but Marshall put it round for a corner. Besic hit a low corner which considering the height of the Boro players in the box was a complete mystery to me as the clock ticked down. The game ended in frantic mayhem and chaos with Shotton almost allowing Bowen in to nick it. There was a feeble Boro penalty claim in the last minute in front of the travelling army as the ball went out for a corner. The corner was sent in by Downing and Braithwaite connected but sent it over the bar. That was the final piece of play in what was a very poor Boro performance and an even worse Hull one.

I can’t award a MOM because Boro were almost as bad as when Strachan was here with the players looking as disjointed and confused as under Monk. From the kick off they lacked the confident swagger of a team about to go top of their league. The cold truth is poor selection, poor tactics and even poorer execution has been a continued story of late and as a consequence we threw points away yet again. The one common theme in all this is TP clinging to some very overrated and overpriced Men at the expense of Boys who can actually make a difference.

That performance was nowhere remotely near good enough from anyone in a White shirt which was a good colour choice based on the display. As a third kit I can’t see many sales ensuing based on the memories it created today. I’m guessing we will have Hummel working on a Yellow kit as we speak. The form table is showing that we are now in an undeniable decline from the early season threadbare squad optimism. There was no evidence today that Pulis recognises or perhaps accepts the glaring deficiencies that are staring most of us in the face. If he does then his diagnosis and cure is worse than the disease.

Preston		Boro
Robsinson Barkhuizen	27′ 66′	Fletcher Tavernier	34′ 69′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	60% 21 8 6 7	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	40% 17 6 4 13

Boro spot on at Deepdale

As anticipated a much changed Boro side arrived at Deepdale tonight to face a club that hasn’t kept a clean sheet since the opening day of the season and was unexpectedly struggling in the Championship. The Lilywhites Manager Alex Neil may be tempted to play a strong Preston team to try and regain confidence or like Boro could rest his preferred starting eleven where possible to conserve energy for the Championship survival battle ahead with his side left propping up the division after the weekend.

Oliver Langford is the Official in charge for tonight’s game. The last time we met was down at Ashton Gate earlier in the season when we ran out 2-0 winners so perhaps his officiating will be a refreshing break from the poor displays of Hooper and Coote in our last two games and we may get a few breaks or even a fair crack of the whip or whistle in his case. The Boro team news was pretty much as we all anticipated whilst Neil made only three changes clearly desperately wanting a win from somewhere in an effort to reverse their season.

The game got under way with Preston attacking and a clearance from Batth via Grant saw Ashley Fletcher almost have the perfect start but fluffed his lines in the opening seconds. TP went with three CB’s Wood, McNair and Fry and McNair and McQueen playing the Wing back roles. A few minutes into the game and Tavernier took the ball upfield and passed to McNair who saw his effort saved by Maxwell in the Preston goal. Nathan Wood came to the rescue to concede a corner on ten minutes from which a header nearly found its way into Dimi’s net only for Batth to clear again.

The game was being played in front of a very sparse crowd as the Players could be heard shouting to one another. Preston started to apply a bit of pressure and had a few opportunities including a header that just went wide. Boro replied with Fletcher winning a corner at the opposite end which but after Tav lost control of his attempted volley it allowed the Lilywhites to break and fortunately that phase of action ended with a wide shot past Dimi’s post.

Sam McQueen on the opposite flank was set up by Grant but he lashed at his shot and it went wide. Grant was then caught as he turned and had his pocket picked requiring Batth to put in a challenge which could have seen yellow with other Officials. The retaken free kick was cleared by a Wing header out for a corner which was cleared again by Wing. Ben Pearson then took Fletcher down cynically but perhaps remembering Batth’s challenge a minute earlier the Ref evened things out and kept his card in his pockets. Just before the half-hour mark Preston counter attacked with a long ball and Robinson swivelled in the middle of the six yard box turning Wood to hit a shot into the top of the net past Dimi to put Preston one up.

The offside flag came to Boro’s rescue just after the restart which in fairness to Dimi he had already pulled off two quick reactive saves. The atmosphere hadn’t improved much despite the home side taking the lead. Then a ball played by Wing was brought down by Gestede, which was played beautifully back through by Wing to Fletcher who rounded the keeper to roll it home for an equaliser that didn’t improve the level of echoes. Marcus Tavernier carelessly gave the ball away and allowed the energetic Barkhuizen to pick up the under hit back pass and both Batth and Fry engineered a rescue mission to prevent Preston getting their noses in front again.

A series of quick turns and passes started by Wing ending up with McNair putting his foot through the ball and cleared the upper levels of the stand. Preston had Boro hearts in mouths a minute before the half time whistle when Robinson was again involved and cut it back to Barkhuizen, who cut inside before shooting but Dimi was alert and saved to keep the score line all square. McNair then got down the flank, fizzed in a ball which Gestede met but went past the post to end the half. Gestede was a force to be reckoned with winning balls, Fletcher was lively and full of running; Wing was pulling strings, Grant snarling with Batth martialling at the back looking really strong. Batth, Fletcher and Wing were my pick of the first half for Boro. In fairness Gestede didn’t look as rusty as he should have done after the length of his lay-off.

The second half kicked off with Boro, both sides came out as they were in the first half with no changes. Grant blasted the ball out of play almost immediately as the Lilywhites started with the words of Alex veil ringing or perhaps stinging in their ears. A series of balls into the Boro box led to Barkhuizen hitting the post as Preston pushed for an early goal. A Robinson shot was blocked by Wing as Grant set Fletcher free but Pearson clattered into him with only a throw in given to Boro as we tried to clear our heads. A Barker shot was again blocked by Wing as Boro had to dig deep as we struggled to impose in the opening ten minutes. Hughes dumped McNair into the post in a challenge that required some treatment for the Boro wide man and with it some time to ease the pressure and try and take the sting out of the game.

A Sam McQueen cross was blocked for a corner to Boro, which was the first time we threatened in the Preston half and then an ensuing throw-in ended with Boro getting two opportunities, with Fletcher heading it goalwards only for Maxwell to acrobatically claw it back into the path of Gestede who spurned the chance with the Benin International hitting the crossbar with a header. Such was the nature of the game Preston immediately went down the other end and won a corner which required Dimi’s intervention. A collision between Barkhuizen and Gestede saw an anxious moment as Rudy seemed to have taken a hit on his ankle. Alex Neil then blinked and brought on Striker Harrop for Browne to try and make their possession stats in the opening minutes count.

Alex Neil didn’t have long to wait and inevitably it was Tom Barkhuizen who hit a long 25 yard shot and Dimi’s reaction looked somewhat age related as Preston now took a 2-1 lead with that well taken shot but poor from a Boro perspective. Gestede was fed by Lewis Wing to the back post, managed to get his header in forcing Maxwell into a good save. The corner was cleared and then Wing and Fletcher linked up to regain the momentum, Grant went flying into a tackle and the ball flew to Gestede who fed Tavernier who then audaciously replicated Barkhuizen’s temerity to hit a 25-yarder of his own to pull back the deficit making it 2-2.

Robinson then had a point blank header, which Dimi sharply responded to make amends for his earlier faux pas. Chapman then came on for Wood as TP shuffled his pack with a formation change to 433 that showed more attacking intent. Chapman and Fletcher were feeding off Gestede and Wing, Grant and Tav were the middle three. A move with Barkhuizen and Calum Robinson was challenged by Fry and then blocked by Batth to keep the Lilywhites at bay.

Barker then went off with another forward Burke coming on for Preston as they decided to go for it. McNair fouled Barkhuizen who launched the free kick forward which was cut out by Batth for Boro. Dael Fry played the ball out to Harry Chapman who tried his luck with a long range attempt of his own which he never really caught cleanly. Lewis Wing then sublimely brought the ball down and hit a long range effort from even further out than Barkhuizen’s and Tavernier’s efforts. A break from Preston was then broken up by Grant as the game started to get a bit scrappy from a Boro perspective with Preston pushing desperately. Surprisingly with five minute remaining Preston’s MOM Barkhuizen was taken off with Moult coming on. A Calum Robinson corner was defended by Fletcher and the ball spun out to Chapman who ran forward and was assaulted by two successive 50/50’s which he didn’t shirk. Harrop then forced Dimi into a great save but again the offside flag went up as the Preston pressure was hitting a crescendo.

Three minutes added time went up as Batth and Grant combined to clear yet another Preston assault. Chapman then broke free again and took on his defender, winning a free kick near the Preston 18-yard box. McQueen sent it over and Batth connected with it but his header couldn’t hit the target. Batth was then quickly back defending and clearing his lines again as the ball had ebbed back down the other end and the final whistle went and Boro were facing penalties once again.

PENALTY SHOOT-OUT

Presumably Boro won the toss and the Penalties were taken in front of the Travelling Army.

➊ Preston were first to go and Ledson faced Dimi to send the big Greek the wrong way, 1-0.
➊ Grant was up next and Mr Dependable despatched his with commensurate ease, still 1-1.

➋ Robinson was next and it landed near Barrow-in Furness, 1-1.
➋ Gestede was next up for Boro and sent Maxwell the wrong way to calmly put Boro 2-1 up.

➌ Moult next scored for Preston, 2-2.
➌ McNair stepped up and sent the ball into the top corner in a perfect text book execution, 3-2.

➍ Pearson was next who quickly ran up and scored, 3-3.
➍ Tavernier then was next and confidently stroked it into the net past Maxwell, 4-3.

➎ Burke then repeated Robinson’s effort and hit a Gas Rig in Morecombe Bay to send Boro through to the next round.

The game ended 2-2 and 4-3 on Penalties in front of a credible Boro Army following. On the night Wing was consistent and influential all game. Gestede good in the first half, and McQueen had a very good second half but MOM was Danny Batth who was impressive.

Championship 2018-19: Week 9

Tue 25 Sep – 19:45: Preston v Boro (EFL Cup)
Sat 29 Sep – 15:00: Hull v Boro

When it comes to surprises, there can be few Boro followers who bore the shocked expressions of disbelief on their faces as they discover that Tony Pulis has now built a team in his image to pragmatically tackle the task ahead. As those anticipating more entertaining football pinned their hopes into the over-inflated balloon of their wider aesthetic aspirations, the barely audible bang was neither unexpected or startling. The Boro manager has primarily built sides not to lose and generally works on the basic principal that if the opposition don’t score they can’t beat you.

Tony Pulis last week proffered the somewhat radical hypothesis that the teams who concede the fewest goals will generally finish in the top two – with the supporting evidence put forward that Wolves and Cardiff had the meanest defences last term after only conceding 39 each. Those fond of the art of extrapolation, will be pleased to hear that if Boro continue in their current vein they will end the season with a mere 15 goals tarnishing the against column, with possibly every one known by name. Nevertheless, many were disappointed with the stalemate at home to Swansea after it turned out to be a missed opportunity to go clear at the top following Leeds first defeat of the season. Though in retrospect, following a game of limited goalmouth action, it was perhaps not unexpected to learn that matches involving both clubs have seen the fewest number of goals so far this season – with Boro’s lucky followers witnessing just one more than the 13 that supporters of Swansea have enjoyed.

It’s hard to envisage under Pulis that defensive solidity will be sacrificed in the quest for finding a more expansive attacking game – especially with only one goal conceded in the last eight games. Scoring goals has been a long-standing issue for Boro and indeed keeping it tight has become the mantra for many a cautious manager on Teesside over the years. Of course, the amazing Aitor Karanka was the embodiment of that game-plan and some may or may not be surprised to see that his Forest side have actually scored the same number of goals as Pulis’s high flyers – though I suspect even more will be surprised to see that this is also the same total of the more attack-minded Tony Mowbray at Blackburn. However, 11 goals each for those former managers is positively prolific compared to both Garry Monk’s Brum and Steve McClaren’s Hoops, who have seen their teams only net a less than magnificent seven – as one of them might say. It’s perhaps a similar curse that quickly turns any previously prolific striker arriving on Teesside into a wandering minstrel, who first loses his mojo, before hanging up his banjo in the cow shed.

Clubs who have aspirations of promotion normally find a way of getting the ball into the back of the net and supporters will be well aware from recent campaigns of how a lack of goals can hinder a push for an automatic spot. Whilst Karanka’s teams were also mean in defence, they often missed out on points due to their failure to trouble the opposition – with many believing only the arrival of Gaston Ramirez subsequently gave his ultra-organised team that improvised creative spark to secure a top two finish. Perhaps it is inevitable once the players have been tutored through many training exercises that their ability to ad-lib is diminished by concentrating on adhering to the instructions of the game-plan hatched by a perfectionist manager.

Until the players have become comfortable in their primary roles on the pitch, we may be waiting a little while yet before we see some fast flowing attacking football start to emerge on it. Though, we shouldn’t think that the likes of Pep and Klopp don’t spend many hours in training honing the apparent instinctive attacking football they regularly serve up. But for teams set-up like Boro, it will be more likely that pouncing on the second ball and taking advantage of mistakes will prove most productive. The problem faced now is that there is little element of surprise when Boro’s big players gather at corners, long throws and free kicks with their rehearsed lines – it’s all about placing psychologically pressure in the minds of defenders and looking to take advantage of errors. Not exactly a blueprint for breath-taking football but still statistically solid in terms of finishing near the top of the table – which is mainly what Championship football is now about for aspiring promotion contenders.

However, Boro once again have appeared less than lethal in front of goal when it matters and maybe a few players would benefit from some shooting practice. It’s now just three goals in our last five games, a creative block made worse by the fact that those were reliant on two dodgy Trotters gifts and an Ayala injury-time steal against the Baggies where he escaped being caught red-handed following suspect control of a stinging cross. Clear-cut opportunities have been at a premium and therefore it will be important to take whatever chances come our way. Glaring misses are the age old problem and it could be anecdotally a close contest with many a supporter’s grandmother as to whom could have done better.

Although, you may have heard this week that some old ladies can indeed be pretty lethal, with reports that great-grandmother Judy Cochran killed a 560lb alligator on her ranch in Texas after blaming it for eating one of her miniature ponies two-years earlier. OK, not quite yet in the Teesside grudge territory – though before any of you start wondering whether it was with her bare hands, I should remind you that in many parts of America you’re patriotically encouraged to take up your right to bear arms instead. She actually dispatched the poor beast with a single shot from a high-powered rifle after uttering the words ‘Don’t mess with Nana’ – something many a grandchild running along the back streets of Middlesbrough will have probably heard as they grew up, though usually without such severe consequences. However, as far as I’m aware, the makers of My Little Pony have no immediate plans to use ‘Don’t mess with Nana’ in their festive advertising campaign this year – which is surely an oversight.

Before many of you think it’s just a typical red-neck family taking the law into their own hands, I believe they are apparently good upstanding citizens with permits and are supporters of WWF – though that’s the World Wrestling Federation not the World Wide Fund for Nature. In addition, they have kindly given the dead ‘gator (as they’re normally called) to the local mayor so he can make some trophy boots from the belly. Incidentally, we also learned that her grandson has also killed a 500lb ‘gator when he was just 5 with his junior-sized shotgun – apparently the force of the recoil from a normal one left him with a cut eye so they had to get him a smaller one. Before you start thinking giving such a young boy a shotgun is completely irresponsible, you’ll be relieved to know he’d been an experienced gun handler after being taught to shoot at four and knows all about fire-arms safety and can even drive an all-terrain vehicle to join in alligator hunts. Whether the good folk on Teesside would be happy to see a five-year old wandering the streets with a shotgun is another matter – especially if he’s being a bit pushy when asking for a squeeze on matchdays!

Talking of lumbering big beasts being on the end of both barrels, Rudy Gestede may be close to returning to action this week and the Riverside faithful will be hoping that he’s unearthed a pair of shooting boots during his enforced absence – alligator skin or otherwise. Though I’m informed by certain specialist websites that the big Benin forward actually wears Nike Mercurial Vapor XII Elite boots, which was possibly not a particularly vital piece of information that many had been living without knowing. Whilst the words ‘mercurial’ or ‘elite’ are seldom mentioned in the same sentence as Gestede, you may be pleased to know that these are the same precision tools worn by Cristiano Ronaldo, Neymar and French World Cup sensation Mbappé. So whatever happens on the pitch for the Boro target man, we shouldn’t blame the footwear if the ball ends up in the Riverside stands rather than the goal.

In truth, the options available at the sharp end for Boro are not convincing many that it’s only a matter of time before the floodgates open and the goals begin to flow over the somewhat barren Riverside pitch. Britt Assombalonga has often appeared to be a fish out of water as he regularly flounders as a lone target man under Tony Pulis and usually looks fed to the gills when he’s hooked after failing to make the net bulge. His main rival for the striker’s shirt in Jordan Hugill has offered a more physical battling option but doesn’t appear to have the finesse or even fitness to run opposition defences ragged. Indeed both may only be keeping the shirt warm for perhaps Pulis’s preferred option of the big man from Benin and few will be surprised if Gestede is soon bamboozling opposition defences and team-mates alike as they fail to click with his flicks, kicks and lack of confidence tricks. Though we shouldn’t forget we also have another £7m surplus striker from the Hammers waiting in the wings too – though the chances of him taking a bow anytime soon in the Championship seem remote as he appears to have fallen through the trapdoor on the Boro stage under the direction of Pulis.

Despite not having a goal machine up front, perhaps we should place the blame elsewhere as even average strikers need service before they even get a chance to miss it. The failure to recruit much in the way of creative talent in the summer has been well documented and it seems the subject has been for now brushed under the Hurworth carpet after the recruitment team seemingly pulled the deep-pile rug from under Tony Pulis to leave his plans in an even deeper pile of something steaming.

This has subsequently left the Boro manager continuing with his early-season Plan B of a back-three with wing-backs providing the width instead. To his credit, Ryan Shotton has proved more than useful in the role on the right but George Friend has never looked like he will be as effective on the left after migrating from his earlier back-three role. Most observers know Friend is unlikely to provide too many assists and even the charade of possessing the weapon of mass distraction with the pretend long throw has not convinced many that his floated lobs are nothing more than catching practice for the opposition keeper. Nevertheless, the Boro manager has persisted with the tactic but has now in recent games reverted to a more conventional back four in order to accommodate an extra forward.

That extra forward is Martin Braithwaite, who often looks sharp and busy, with a little more intensity on the ball than those around him. He’s made more attempts on goal than any other Boro player this season in 14 with 7 on target and is currently joint-top scorer with Assombalonga on 3 goals. Having said that, he’s been less prolific since the transfer window ‘misunderstanding’ that nearly saw him leave for Spain but has promised to put it behind him and get his head down. Though whether his stop-start Boro career will begin to look up may depend on what happens around him. The Dane looks to potentially be Boro’s most explosive striker but last season saw him sometimes drift out of games – something if repeated under Pulis may ultimately see him losing his starting place under a manager who probably appreciates work-ethic over ability.

Whether Tony Pulis can find the right combination in midfield to get the crowd on their feet is another matter but I suspect the best three to get the gig in the middle of the park in terms of making the Riverside rock will probably be Barlow, Owen and Orange. Although, officially still a boy band, Take That are now at an age where even Tony Pulis may consider picking them – especially if they play his favourite song ‘Giants’. Though whether just sixty per cent of the original group are still the real deal or just another nostalgia trip hoping to recoup some of the money they had to quietly return to the taxman recently is probably just Teesside cynicism. Those familiar with celebrity tax avoidance schemes may have read that the Take That trio ‘invested’ £66m in an artificial tax-shelter called Icebreaker. Their pleas to HM Customs and Revenues to have a little patience were met with deaf ears as the government agency declared they wanted the £20m owed to them back for good – with Barlow, Owen and Orange no doubt innocently declaring “Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn’t mean it.” Incidentally, it’s a pity that the trio opted against renaming themselves with the initials of their surnames, as it will prevent certain elements among the Riverside faithful fully enjoying the occasion by not being able to indulge themselves by shouting BOO when they walk off the pitch at the end.

Back to footballing matters, this week sees a return to action in the reserve competition that is Mr Caraboa’s dead buffalo cup. Naturally, in a manner befitting to the sponsors, the object of the exercise is to progress while keeping the energy levels of the First XI intact – something Tony Pulis has been closely monitoring since the international break after he rested both Fry and Besic for having below par biometric data during the Norwich game. Boro make the trip to a Preston side that are surprisingly languishing at the foot of the Championship after failing to win since the first game of the season. Last season they were known for being a defensively solid side and only conceded more than one goal in a game on eight occasions as they ended up finishing one place outside the play-offs. However, they’ve been leaking goals badly this campaign, conceding three goals in each of their last three games and two goals in each of the four before that. Alex Neil is under pressure to turn their form around and will hope the cup offers them some respite – they did in fact win at Leeds in round one so Boro will hopefully not take them too lightly.

For those in the squad who have struggled to get a game recently, it offers an opportunity remind Tony Pulis that they can do a job – with perhaps Lewis Wing and Paddy McNair looking to make an impression. It’s possible that Jordan Hugill will fancy playing against his old club but he may be kept back in preparation for the game on Saturday, with perhaps a seat on the bench instead. It’s likely man’s man Danny Batth will make his debut and possibly Sam McQueen will also get a start if he’s still eligible after being named as an unused sub for Southampton in their win over Brighton. Other players hoping for a run out will be strikers Rudy Gestede and Ashley Fletcher, but it will most likely on the whole be a young side deployed. The prize on offer for the winners will be a potential last sixteen tie against a big Premier League team and a return to visibility – though chances of sneaking under the radar into the last eight are diminishing with only three other ties not involving top tier opposition.

Whilst I’m sure Tony Pulis will be keen to progress to the last 16, he’ll no doubt be fully prioritising Saturdays trip to Hull. The Tigers sit just one place and one point above the relegation zone after already losing six games this campaign, including their last two on the road at Reading and Wigan. It should be seen by Boro as an opportunity to pick up three more points to secure their place in the top two, in what has become quite a congested table. With Leeds and Boro tied on 18 points at the top, West Brom sit a point behind in third and then come those in the play-off positions on 16 – though only three points separate Sheffield United in fourth to Swansea in fourteenth. Once again the Championship is proving to be a tight affair and Boro will need to remain focused to keep ahead of the pack. This weekend sees the season reach the ten-game mark and the traditional time to assess how the season is going but the Boro manager claims he never looks at the table until after 15 games. Defeat would give Tony Pulis a haul of just 5 points from 5 games and could lead to some talking down of promotion chances. Though with three winnable games on paper before the next international break, now is surely the time to apply the pressure.

Middlesbrough		Swansea
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	42% 16 5 10 13	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	58% 5 2 3 11

Swan break evens

Today saw some more familiar old faces returning in the form of Conor Roberts and Kyle Naughton as Graham Potter brought his injury ravaged reality checked Swans up to the Riverside for this afternoon’s game. As is often the case a confidence busting Premiership season can be followed up by a sensory shock in the Championship. As we know only too well psychologically, bouncing back isn’t always easy for a club who have spent the previous season being constantly battered. In mitigation to the new Swans boss his squad of players presently wouldn’t look out of place at the accident and emergency department at James Cook on a Friday night.

Potter was expected to have to continue patching up as his depleted charges are likely to be without Jefferson Montero, Bersant Celina, Luciano Narsingh, and Leroy Fer. Striker Courtney Baker-Richardson was serving the last of a three game suspension today after being sent off just five minutes into his appearance at Millwall for a “reckless” challenge. Star Striker Wilfred Bony has been out long term with a serious injury suffered last February.

On a positive for Potter, Nathan Dyer and Wayne Routledge both returned from layoffs in their defeat at Stoke in midweek where he had made seven changes while Tom Carroll and Jay Fulton were also reported to be close to being back in contention. Oli McBurnie was expected to be named despite reportedly playing with a cracked bone in his foot and a knee problem. His seeming disregard for the health and safety of his shins certainly won’t calm any anxieties amongst the South Wales medical team. With such upheaval plus a relegation hangover it’s little wonder that the Swans haven’t been among the front runners so far although they do possess the Championship’s third best defence after Boro and Leeds so a free scoring game was unlikely.

Boro on the other hand had a clean bill of health apart from Howson who was struggling by the end of Wednesday, even long term absentee Rudy Gestede is now back in contention. That old “Crockliffe” tag is now becoming a distant memory. Unbeaten at home this season with a 100% Riverside record the big challenge today for Tony Pulis was to refine and improve on our effectiveness and efficiency in the final third of the pitch. The key selection dilemma for him was in midfield and up front. Britt burst his way back with a goal on Wednesday and with Hugill not exactly doing anything spectacular to keep a starting role it would be interesting to see who started. The only likely definite at that end of the pitch would likely be the creative Braithwaite whilst Besic, Saville, Downing and Howson if fit would all be fighting for the remaining shirts with McNair and Leadbitter waiting in the wings with Lewis.

The last time Boro lost at home to Swansea was in 2011 after being 3-1 up and incredibly losing to Brendan Rogers’s side 4-3. TP’s Boro haven’t conceded three goals all season so it was unlikely that this afternoon would repeat anything remotely approaching that score line. The team he placed his trust in today saw one change from Tuesday with Britt back in for Hugill whilst Potter made three changes with Rodon. McKay and Burnie all recalled.

Swansea took the field in bright sunshine and remarkably were actually playing in the white kit which we associate with them instead of some absurd mixed day-glow palette from a Dulux colour chart. They got the game under way and almost immediately it was clear they were going to play football with crisp sweet interplay and fast movements off the ball dragging Boro’s midfield and defence with them as they went. Strangely Downing was playing on the right and we had set up with a back four. Braithwaite was on the Left with Howson in the middle and Clayts protecting the back four. After five minutes or so it became very clear that Swansea’s game plan was far more effective than the logic behind TP’s. The opening quarter of an hour was very edgy with Boro having very little possession and indeed looking very much second best. Despite the Swans impressive possession stats they couldn’t break through the wall of Red shirts and a stand-off ensued with Boro sneaking opportunity on the break and it was one such break that had Downing crack a good shot on target that forced a save from Mulder on ten minutes.

Swansea responded with McBurnie heading straight at Randolph a few minutes later but the turning point in terms of the first half came when Olsson sneaked past Downing at the post forcing Randolph into a reaction save. That passage of play seemed to have made up TP’s mind that something needed to be changed. Downing was switched over to the left and Braithwaite looked to be pushed up to support Britt and seemed to have a freer role and almost immediately it nearly paid off as a sweet back heel from Britt teed up Saville who hit a cracker which unfortunately glanced off the top of the Swansea Crossbar. Boro were now in the ascendency as the switch-around destabilised Swansea momentum with both Ayala and Assombalonga coming close for the resurgent Reds.

The next talking point involved Saville again, this time he went down in the box with shouts from the South Stand for a penalty that were waved away from Simon Hooper who seemed up until that point to have a slight bias against the home side with the Riverside experiencing another eccentric display from the Officials. In fairness the challenge did look fairly innocuous from the North Stand so he may have called it correct but at this stage he had already firmly established that he was going to be an irritating annoyance all afternoon for the Boro as Saville entered his book. Boro continued their run of pressure and looked to be good value for their endeavours against a side that was without doubt the best opponents to visit the Riverside this season made all the better for actually attempting to play football.

The main talking point of the first half was the Ref who not only gave 50/50’s in favour to the Swans but also 60/40’s and 70/30’s come to that. When the half time whistle sounded the home support saved their frustrations for when the gentleman with the whistle was approaching the Tunnel to be met with a cacophony of boos, jeers and whistles all blocked out by a disconnected announcer who couldn’t wait to maximise his 15 minutes of control by announcing scores elsewhere over the sound of the crowd. Maybe it was an attempt to be neutral and fair play and all that but it annoyed the heck out of me as the Officials had had a real stinker and deserved to hear the opinions of 21,000 or so disgruntled spectators as they endeavoured to provide their side with the benefit of home advantage and sowing seeds of doubt. It appears that MMP either doesn’t watch the game or understand it as his intervention was ill timed and in stark conflict to the emotions of the supporters.

The second half saw a switch for Swansea as Carroll came on for Byers with TP sticking with the same eleven. The half saw Swansea get more of a foothold once more as Boro seemed a little more cautionary in their approach and build up play. Shotton had been the player most likely to offer something for Boro and he sent in a good cross to Britt which teased the frustrated striker as he just couldn’t connect and nor could Braithwaite following in behind. On sixty minutes Besic came on for Saville who had come the closest in terms of either scoring or winning an advantage. The Northern Irish International had been much more influential than on Tuesday and looks to be settling in and finding his feet nicely. Braithwaite had also been alert and willing to take the game to Swansea with a series of dribbles and drives all throughout the game. The arrival of Besic hopefully would have added another dimension but it seemed to slow things down and put us on the back foot as he dithered too long on the ball and attracted close attention but failed to release it quickly enough. Full marks for his endeavour but his effectiveness was questionable. As soon as Besic came on Routledge was hooked by Potter bringing on James.

The game had now entered a staid spell with neither side looking remotely close to scoring summed up by Besic hitting a ball that ended up in the North Stand upper. The inevitable Hugill for Assombalonga swap came with twenty minutes remaining as the fourth official managed to mix up Howson’s number for Britt’s to cause some consternation and confusion that was eventually corrected much to Britt’s disappointment but he had looked to be flagging and becoming increasingly ineffective at that point. Clayts managed to get himself booked yet again for a sliding challenge which upended his opponent and in the process collected Boro’s second yellow of the game and his fourth of the season as the two sides simply continued to nullify and frustrate one another.

As on Tuesday night Downing then made way for McQueen as the Southampton loanee took up his slot in front of Friend. I’m not sure if the logic was to tighten up or to add an injection of pace on the left, the lad added graft and willing but there was nothing that was going to tip the balance or change the outcome of the game. I pondered at that point why Tav or Chapman were not on the bench as in games like this an alternate option was required that may just stretch the opponents with a different conundrum instead of the same old same old. The true cost of failure to land pace in the transfer window was highlighted this afternoon.

With the minutes ticking down Boro applied some last intent urged on by the fans and TP but apart from an overstretched Flint header from a McQueen cross there wasn’t really anything to cheer or get excited about. After an entire afternoon of time-wasting by the Swans keeper Mulder which was disregarded by the Ref there were only four minutes of added time during which Hugill after bustling and barging since coming on got himself booked in the last minute for a forearm smash poorly disguised as an Alan Shearer type outstretched arm for elevation. It was probably the only decision that Hooper got correct when he produced Boro’s third yellow card and the game ended on that note.

Apart from a cross come shot that hit Randolph’s crossbar in the second half and the Olsson effort Swansea showed why they haven’t scored many this season, in fact both sides showed their inability in the final third allied to their credible defensive statistics and so 0-0 probably wasn’t such a huge surprise. Considering the amount of first-teamers out of action I think Swansea will progress this season and looking back this may be seen as a point gained rather than two dropped.

MOM was again the usual contenders, Clayts was simply Clayts, Braithwaite gave reason for optimism and Howson was involved all game but Shotton just edged it with his defending and tireless running.

 

Middlesbrough		Bolton
Saville Assombalonga	34′ 90’+5
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	61% 19 4 10 7	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	39% 7 2 1 13

Britt sucker punch breaks Bolton

The opportunity to wipe away the turgid display down at Carrow Road came around quickly for Tony Pulis and his Middlesbrough squad which was probably the best remedy after the struggling Canaries beat the fancied but toothless Lions from the North. Bolton have had a turbulent few weeks in that they were heading for Administration and then rescued after a deal was struck late last week but the footballing side of things apparently felt the impact of all the off field drama surrounding the club’s future. After an optimistic start to their season they were surprisingly beaten 2-1 at home by Steve McLaren’s struggling QPR on Saturday.

With both clubs suffering unexpected setbacks tonight was going to be a chance to get things back on track. Phil Parkinson would probably see an away point as a good return whilst TP would want to see a reaction after a rather insipid midfield display lead to our first defeat of the season. The hope from many Boro fans was that there would be repercussions and some of the “names” dropped with the peripheral players given a chance to prove their worth, the likelihood of such drastic action from the Boro manager however would be remote.

The visit of our Carling Cup opponents all those years ago in Cardiff would see the return of the Redcar Rock and current Trotters club captain David Wheater. In fact there are quite a few ex-Boro connections plying their trade for the Whites nowadays. In addition to Wheats there are Andrew Taylor, Gary O’Neil, Jonathan Grounds and Yanic Wildschut however an ankle injury would preclude the appearance of former Boro loanee Sammy Ameobi who managed a solitary goal for us in his nine outings during the dark days of 2013 along with Taylor who had joined him on the injured list. Finally not forgetting that on the Academy staff at Bolton there is Jimmy Phillips who graced Ayresome Park for three seasons in the early 90’s.

As bad as last week’s tribulations were the hardest part for Bolton fans will have been the sudden death of former Chairman Eddie Davies who pumped money into the club paying off their debt previously and gave them arguably their most successful period since the late 1950’s. As if all that wasn’t bad enough after only five games since his move from Bradford following manager Phil Parkinson, Stephen Darby yesterday just announced his early retirement from the game at only twenty nine years old due to motor neurone disease.

Boro desperately needed a win to reclaim their promotion credentials but if ever a team was due even the merest sliver of luck it surely couldn’t be more deserving then Bolton tonight. Team news on a very blustery evening at the Riverside saw that Fry, Assombalonga and Besic had dropped to the bench with Saville, Hugill and Braithwaite getting starts. The game commenced with Bolton momentarily having a foray and then it was all Boro on the front foot eager to press and in the opening few minutes there were several questionable Refereeing decisions that were to set the tone for the evening.

Matters of officialdom were not made any easier by the Assistant running the West Stand touchline who like Referee David Coote seemed to have a strange interpretation of the rules of the game. Of course I may have had some bias towards the Ref but the assistant who ran the line on the East Stand seemed to have a very good game in contrast, keeping up with play and recognising strong challenges from fouls.

Back to the game itself and a few unpunished whacks later including Shotton mysteriously managing to kick both his legs away from under himself there was plenty of intent on show. Howson was buzzing and Stewy put a brilliant early cross in to let Bolton know they were in for a tough evening which Shotton nearly got on the end of. We then had a penalty shout which was ignored and a few other stonewall free kicks that were waved away much to the relief of the “Whites” who had opted to play in an “Azure sea green blue” kit, clearly to avoid White clashing with Red in more blatant commercial greed although given the state of their finances it was perhaps forgivable.

As games go it was the proverbial game of two halves. In the first half Boro dictated the pace dominated possession and had Randolph almost as isolated as Britt was on Saturday. Howson got a cross in, Shotton one of his long throws but after ten minutes you had the feeling that it was going to be a very long night. Our efforts were well built up, almost artistic at times but the final balls were like those at half time you see from goalkeeping coaches, floating endless beautiful soft crosses in for the Keeper to leap gracefully and with ease to pluck the ball out of the air. Whilst Ben Alnwick was by far the busier of the two Keepers he must have thought he had auditioned for the Bing Crosby part in a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court singing “busy doing nothing”.

Howson was light years better than Saturday, Stewy had started well and clearly looked like he had a point to prove but the quality of our final balls were appalling. George Friend looked far livelier and alert and he and Stewy were comfortably bossing the left flank. On the Opposite side Shotton and Howson were in control whilst Clayton swept up (showing no ill effects from his stitches) centrally with Saville and Braithwaite buzzing. Bolton were so far entrenched the few hundred hardy fools risking life and limb who ventured over the Pennines tonight must have wondered why they bothered. At least the wind had died down by the end of the game to make the return journey less stressful.

With the clock showing twenty five minutes gone Howson unleashed a shot that was our first serious effort that had the until then quiet home support oohing and aahhing as it sailed over, close but not close enough but it offered hope against a rear-guard, holding out, defensive display from the visitors. Almost ten minutes later and with lots of passing and wasted final balls Gary O’Neil started to pay back the Kings ransom we forked out on him when he inexplicably passed back to cause mayhem in his own box. The chaos was partly cleared but fell to Saville who hit it and the ball flew through a gap and into the back of ex Makem Ben Alnwick’s net to put Boro deservedly 1-0 up.

Being a goal up was no more than we deserved but the manner of it was fortuitous beyond belief. We didn’t create it but happily settled for the Northern Irish International to open his Riverside account. It was such a relief to see a Boro midfielder who could hit a ball that was not only reasonably on target but one that didn’t trigger any alarms at Fylingdales. The Trotters looked to be rocking a little and next up was the lively Shotton to try his luck after being set up by Hugill.

Just before the half time break Braithwaite fizzed a shot that was going wide but had Alnwick panicking for a moment. Bolton had lost Hobbs with a bad gash earlier and although his replacement (ex Pulis defender Wilson) settled in and had a good game they were still a little disorganised at this stage as the half drew to a close with a Shotton cross in for Hugill to head over.

There were some good aspects in that first half in that with only four at the back instead of five we looked more intent on attacking and creating chances. Reality was that Bolton’s first half performance was really poor, they showed zero intent and I am less than convinced that it was down to our superiority and class but more down to them keeping things tight and hoping that Magennis would maybe get a break and nick something against the odds. It was the sort of performance reminiscent of an FA Cup third Round tie when a non-League side would try and hold out against a top Premiership side.

A solitary goal didn’t feel comfortable and as the sides entered the pitch for the second half to a fanfare of MMP’s making that crashed and burned like a juggling Latvian impressionist on X Factor we were hoping that Boro would now turn the screw against what was a very poor showing from the Redcar Rocks charges. The opening five minutes saw Bolton look a little livelier but we still came close with another Saville effort that this time was more consistent with a Boro midfielder and had the North Stand taking the default cover position.

That was as good as it got for a while for Boro as one of our former youngsters Grounds then hit a shot that had us all sitting up, taking notice and thinking “Typical Boro” ten minutes into the second half. Five minutes later Magennis tried an overhead shot that looked the part but was always well wide. Moments later and Vela had a weak effort well controlled by Randolph as it went straight at him.

Boro clearly stinging responded by George firing in a cross that Flint despatched but was ruled out for Offside (what did I say about the East Stand Lino making good accurate calls?). The game was getting a little tasty now as Bolton awake from their first half slumber decided to fight for a point and a few cards were now being flashed by the Coote in the middle. As McQueen was warming up the decision to take Downing off was pretty much confirmed when he clattered into a reckless and slightly late challenge picking up a yellow in the process. Lowe was booked for Bolton as things got a little heated and the game now descended into a scrappy, disconnected affair which suited Bolton more than Boro.

With fifteen minutes remaining Boro were looking edgy and had started dropping deep, clinging on especially after a Turkish version of wee Jimmy Krankie came on in the form of Oztumer who had the temerity of starting to run at the Boro defence. A panicky slice from Hugill back defending was gratefully caught by Randolph, and seconds later a well worked movement saw Oztumer quickly set up Grounds and Magennis who was clean through only for Saville to appear from nowhere and block the shot from his fellow Northern Irish International. Boro were rocking and Pulis brought McQueen on for Downing and a minute later Assombalonga for the bruised, bloodied and battered Braithwaite.

Two minutes later still and Besic was now introduced for the tiring Saville, Wildschut entered the fray for Grounds so one ex Boro lad off and another on except we knew this one had pace to burn. A low Britt shot on the byline won Boro a corner giving vaguehope that we could nick a second and put those jitters to bed but Flint headed it wide and the agony continued. Hugill was through and jinked to throw his marker off the scent and hit a shot with only Alnwick to beat except the shot was weaker than a Vaux Shandy. It wasn’t easy viewing and the sight of Howson now stretching out a tight muscle, hobbling around didn’t help but he stoically remained on the pitch, actively contributing by passing the ball around although sprints and tackles were now totally out of the question for him.

Five minutes of added time went up and then Yanic cut in and unleashed a shot which Randolph was equal to and sighs of relief went around the Riverside. We were digging in and clinging to that clean sheet counting the seconds and then unexpectedly a poor back header to Alnwick was latched onto by the lively Britt who took it to his left and calmly slotted the ball past Alnwick to celebrate with his arms crossed defiantly across his chest as the North Stand couldn’t believe what had just happened with twenty seconds remaining.

Two nil and back up to second place, one point behind the Dirties with Swansea up next. The League maybe doesn’t lie but that tonight was less than impressive. Should Bolton make the Play offs we may over time be a little less dismissive of the performance but the truth is that two unforced errors handed us three points on a plate. We can’t rely on other sides being so generous.

MOM is a difficult one as there weren’t many outstanding displays. In the first half Howson and Braithwaite looked good but overall I thought Shotton did well, Saville showed some fight and a goal but it has to be Clayts again who rarely put a foot wrong despite his wounds.

Championship 2018-19: Week 8

Wed 19 Sep – 19:45: Boro v Bolton
Sat 22 Sep – 15:00: Boro v Swansea

As many grandparents on Teesside waited somewhat impatiently for an end to the international break, they stared into a distant spot on the horizon with a twinkle in their eye, as they envisaged telling stories of a time when they remembered the long gone days of ‘Typical Boro’. The young and innocent question of “What was it like?” was in the end never asked as instead they were told to wake up and smell the coffee. Well unfortunately it’s still the greatest story never told after many a daydreaming Boro fan, young or old, felt a rude awakening as Carrow Road became the latest manifestation of the curse of missed opportunity. The same eleven men who had two weeks earlier looked purposeful and assured as they bossed an irresistible Leeds team on their own patch, contrived to give a disjointed ponderous display against a Canaries side looking for breathing space above the relegation zone.

There had been little to indicate that this new stable-looking team who had sent us into the break with a powerful solid showing against promotion pace-setters Leeds would in the end wobble at Norwich. Perhaps they thought they’d done the hard work and could expect an easier ride this time – the intensity that had been a feature of the 500-minute shut-out was more in the summer breeze category than anything approaching the storming performances before the pause in proceedings. Boro were supposed to be the hungry Sylvestor in comparison to Norwich’s Tweety – although those who thought they saw a pussy cat were not mistaken, it simply rolled over and had it’s tummy tickled before taking flight from Carrow Road empty handed with Tony Pulis left spitting feathers instead. It was complacency that killed the cat this time, not curiosity, as Boro looked disinterested in taking three points for most of the game.

At least this week offers the chance for Boro to put behind them “one of those days”, as Tony Pulis chose to euphemistically label the disappointment in Norfolk before quickly replacing his cap to hide his bad hair. Most will be hoping it won’t escalate beyond the one as it will be less easily dismissed if a bad day at the office turns out to be a week off sick. There are perhaps legitimate questions on whether Boro were set up in a way that would hurt Norwich, after all that’s now just one controversially controlled Daniel Ayala stoppage time goal in our last three Championship outings. Preventing the opposition scoring is still only half of the exercise and Boro should perhaps be showing more gusto and adventure against teams who have previously made heavy weather of keeping out the opposition.

Perhaps it’s just as well ‘Tony’ didn’t make the Met Office’s list of storm names this year as his team failed to blow away the opposition or cause them any serious damage – instead they just huffed and puffed as they left many wondering if their promotion credentials were made of straw. Incidentally, ‘Gareth’ was one of the most popular chosen by the UK public in the ‘Name our Storm’ scheme this year, which I imagine will probably be a much underrated storm that will apologise to the nation for the damage after conducting itself impeccably before turning out to be overblown and not too historic. Also soon to be battering Britain is Storm Deirdre, whilst it doesn’t sound too ferocious it may cause some problems but will possible solve others – whereas Storm Idris will no doubt be much hyped in the media before probably in the end being contentiously overlooked as the next big thing.

In midfield, Mo Besic also seemed to have one of those days where he was constantly demanding the ball but failed to do anything meaningful with it – it was reminiscent of a declining Grant Leadbitter last season who often orchestrated neat triangles to nowhere with his equally ponderous partners in crime. Jonny Howson was also having flashbacks to his last season self as he seemed confused and demotivated by seeing the yellow shirts of his former club around him. The lack of dynamism on show made many wonder why, after previously impressing with his overall game, Lewis Wing has surprisingly seen himself out of contention and is now become a regular unused sub on the bench. Wing may begin to feel he doesn’t have a prayer of recapturing his starting berth with the arrival of Besic and Saville adding to a congested midfield of options available to his manager. Matters may even be made worse if Pulis opts for Braithwaite and Downing playing alongside a main striker – particularly at home where Boro must surely take the initiative.

Though one new arrival, Danny Batth, has had Tony Pulis praising him as “a man’s man” and that “You can’t have too many of them”. Does that mean Dael ‘the young lad’ Fry may be about to start keeping Lewis Wing company on the bench? The worry for Fry is that he was singled out for criticism over the Norwich goal and may fear a return to what happened under Monk after making a rare error. Though what exactly is a man’s man? The definitions on offer are varied and ranging from: ‘They are trusted by other men because they seem to represent the man’s perspective’, to the more macho ‘Can fell a tree and drop it right where he wants’ and ‘He knows how to kill, hang, and dress a kill’ or the slightly more Trumpish sounding ‘He believes what he believes and he doubts what he doubts’. Though looking at some players, it looks like they struggle to even dress themselves, let alone a kill – plus chopping down trees is probably not necessarily something you get to prove your masculinity with too often in football and has yet to be included in the Opta stats.

I expect George Friend and Ryan Shotton would define it slightly differently after their ‘Bake-Off’ challenge earlier this year, in which you may recall they went head-to-head in the Coral-sponsored event to make the best Victoria sponge cake. Shotton proved to be the man on this occasion as his carefully positioned raspberries (no not another euphemism) won over the judges – he also probably gains extra points on the man’s man measure by also co-owning a pub with his father-in-law, though it’s possible he may perhaps get points deducted for having a ponytail. Still, it looks like Danny Batth may be the one with the recipe for success under old-school Tony.

Sadly, the Championship is anything but a cakewalk and the Boro manager made it clear this week how difficult it was compared to the Premier League to maintain momentum. There are 14 occasions in the season where Boro will play two games a week and how the club deal with that will ultimately decide their fate. This week is one of those weeks (as opposed to days) and first up is Bolton on Wednesday. The Trotters had got off to a surprisingly good start this campaign and were unbeaten after four games before it was ended with a 3-0 defeat at home to Sheffield United. Bolton then recovered from 2-0 down at Deepdale to get a draw against Preston before losing again at home against QPR to give Steve McClaren another much-needed win.

The real problem for Bolton though is not on the pitch as problems off it have seen them facing the threat of going into administration and being deducted 12 points. The whole crisis appears to stem from a £5m loan that was taken out from a finance company called BluMarble when Sports Shield took over Bolton in 2015. The current chairmen of Bolton, Ken Anderson, has been in dispute over the terms of the repayment and subsequently failed to reach an agreement by a deadline set by the finance company. BluMarble appear to have lost theirs as they are now reportedly seeking to put the club into administration and are prepared to finance the process in an attempt to force new ownership of the club – with an American billionaire reportedly interested. Bolton’s debts at £13m are nothing too major by Championship standards so it may as yet be possible to avoid the severe penalty that going into administration entails. You would think it wouldn’t be too difficult for the current owners to sell the club to an interested billionaire – probably a far easier task than Boro had in persuading certain players to move to the North-East.

Those Boro supporters of a nervous disposition who are worried about former players coming back to haunt the club better look away now – They have of course the Redcar Rock, David Wheater and former Boro captain Gary O’Neil, along with academy old boys Andrew Taylor and Jonathan Grounds, plus strikers Yanic Wildschut and former loanee Sammy Ameobi all waiting to prove a point. It appears way too many ex-players to stop them invoking the inevitable curse of the footballing gods – the only hope is that they all get in each other’s way as they queue up impatiently in an attempt to put one over on their former club.

A victory in midweek will perhaps help settle the nerves before Tony Pulis faces one of the newly relegated sides on Saturday. Swansea were once viewed as the model for Boro and the club to emulate as they played attractive football on a budget. They were promoted to the Premier League in 2012 and renowned for making astute signings who performed well, such as Gylfi Sigurðsson, Michu and Wilfried Bony – though we may overlook their reported £5m purchase of Marvin Emnes on the grounds of diminished responsibility. They held their own in the top flight and managed to beat several of the top-four clubs before qualifying for Europe and winning the League Cup. Their decline seemed coincided with rapidly changing managers with Michael Laudrup replaced by then defender Garry Monk, who initially succeeded and took them to their highest finish of 8th before being ejected in favour of Italian Francesco Guidolin. The club were taken over by an American consortium, who installed the hapless former US national coach Bob Bradley as manager but he didn’t last three months. Then came Paul Clement who saved them from relegation in 2016-17 but a bad start the following season saw him replaced by ex-Owl Carlos Carvalhal instead of old boy Garry Monk as many had expected – you may remember both managers were sacked following Boro’s 2-0 victory over Sheffield Wednesday just before Christmas.

These days Boro are more emulating their Welsh neighbours Cardiff in terms of style and management as they attempt a more pragmatic route back to the promised land. Swansea have had a relatively stable beginning to their Championship season, losing just the once at home to Bristol City and winning three and drawing three. They installed as manager Graham Potter, who had taken Swedish outfit Östersund from the fourth to the first tier – he got the job in Sweden on the recommendation of former Swansea coach Roberto Martinez. He’s regarded as a modern coach with alternative ideas, which included encouraging his players to perform in theatre and musicals to get them out their comfort zone. Whether we’ll see a better class of diving and injury feigning at the Riverside is unclear but let’s hope they are not on song and dance around our defenders. Potter is also fond of switching formations around during games and the game may turn into some kind of tactical jousting contest between him and Pulis as they look to demonstrate their abilities as coaches.

Two home games will hopefully see Boro looking to get back to winning ways but the unexpected defeat at Norwich has certainly caught some on Teesside by surprise. The risk of meltdown is usually never far from the minds of Boro followers, but having gone over 500 minutes without even experiencing a conceded goal, it left many completely unprepared of how to deal with the massive bombshell of defeat. Some are still struggling to come to terms with this potential existential threat and one wonders if the club should possibly have warned us on what precautions to take by issuing a leaflet of what to do in such unforeseen circumstances. Perhaps they could even draw inspiration from those 1970s government public information films that gave practical steps on what people should do in the comparable devastating event of something like a nuclear attack.

It’s perhaps important to remember, unlike nuclear armageddon, defeat is not the end of the world – it may just seems like it for a fleeting moment. The Championship is once again proving that any team can beat any other and nobody as yet appears to be running away from the pack. The top ten bar Leeds, who are sitting just one point clear at the summit, are only separated by three points and this week may prove to be pivotal in terms of whether Boro can regroup and get back to winning ways. The early warning sounded at Norwich shouldn’t be ignored but it’s perhaps still too early to head for the bunker and prepare for a nuclear winter.

Norwich City		Middlesbrough
Pukki	58′
Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	62% 16 06 00 13	Possession Shots On target Corners Fouls	38% 08 02 04 11

Pukki strike finishes sick Boro

After the desert that is International boredom when many of us probably found out the scores accidentally rather than avidly (and/or expensively) watching, normal service was resumed for Boro with a trip to Carrow Road. Daniel Farke’s glittery appointment excitement down in East Anglia now seems a long time ago but not as long as that heart breaking day at Wembley for Boro fans so this one still has a bit of meaning from that fateful evening when Paddy was nobbled right up to despondently walking away from the arch.

Had it not been for fellow countryman and ex Augsburg midfielder Moritz Leitner’s late equaliser in the Tractor Derby there was a good chance that Mr Farke may not have been sat in the Home dug out at all this afternoon. Down in 17th place before with a solitary victory and two draws their only source of points the visit of unbeaten Boro did not fill the Canary fans with much reason to sing. The departure of James Maddison seems to have had a major impact on the club way beyond what could reasonably be expected.

Jordan Rhodes is now spearheading their hopes of a turnaround both for the sake of Delia’s boys and his own career which has nosedived after his Boro sojourn. Things were so desperate that the locals had been pushing for Nelson Oliviera to be played up front alongside Rhodes and to heal the supposed rift between the Portuguese Striker and his Manager. With a porous Midfield this season it was difficult for anyone to bet on anything other than a convincing away win with the Yellow shirts colour coordinated with their yellow bellied defending. News that Grant Hanley was out for six weeks further raised concerns that they would be lucky to get anything out of today’s encounter.

Elsewhere in their side midfielder Mario Vrancic was doubtful as was defender Ivo Pinto with Kenny McLean and Finnish danger man Teemu Pukki hadn’t been training in the last 48 hours probably due to his International exertions rather than a niggle or knock. TP on the other hand only had Rudy injured long term but other than that was spoilt by a relative array of riches in comparison to Daniel Farke.

The Norwich team news saw Zimmerman come in for Hanley with Rhodes dropped to the bench in favour of Stiepermann coming into the midfield. Vrancic was deemed fit enough to make the bench, Pukki was up front with Onel Hernandez and Emi Buendia the main support for the lone striker. TP went with same again which wasn’t a surprise and had a bench of Dimi, McQueen, Batth, McNair, Saville, Braithwaite and Hugill. That Boro bench would arguably walk into most starting elevens this afternoon.

Boro lined up in their Dark Blue away kit as Red must have seemingly clashed with the Carnaries Yellow on a colour spectrum somewhere. George Friend saw most of the early few minutes as we condensed the Norwich team back into their own half. A throw in from Shotton was launched with a low trajectory and caused the Norwich defence to clear the ball out for a Corner to Boro. Pukki had a chance from the ensuing corner, breaking, but the danger was attended to by Shotton and the cross come shot went harmlessly out for a goal kick. Best chance in the opening few minutes came to Flint with a poor shot as Boro comfortably dominated proceedings in the opening ten minutes but lacked finesse in the Norwich goalmouth.

Norwich steadied things a little but their desire to play out slowly from the back was vexing some of the home fans as Assombalonga just missed an opportunity that was set up via a ball fired in from Shotton. A bit of Norwich pressure then had Boro having to stand firm for a few minutes and livened up the somewhat despondent up until that point home fans which was ended by Clayts coming off worse in a 50/50 challenge and the game brought to a halt for treatment to the Boro hard man.

Accompanied by a chorus of boos Clayts was able to re-enter the fray after a few sprays and rubbing of the affected area just as Norwich captain and play off survivor Tettey launched a speculative half volley at Randolph. The game was becoming scrappy and it probably suited Norwich better than Boro as we had now lost the early momentum with twenty five minutes gone. A few balls into the Boro box eventually came to nothing as Norwich were gaining confidence but Boro’s backline stood firm. Our “problem” at this stage of the game was that Britt was very isolated and struggled to get any support from midfield.

As Fry performed another Beckanbauer run beating several Norwich players in the process he eventually ran it too far losing possession and was fortunate for Flint to step in and spare his blushes. As solid as we looked at the back we didn’t look to be able to convert our defensive strength into any serious attacking moves. Perhaps recognising this, Braithwaite was sent to warm up by TP. In response to this Britt controlled the ball in the Norwich half, staying onside and setting up Howson whose shot went out for a corner which Tim Krul cleared in a less than convincing manner.

A coming together involving Zimmerman and Assombalonga incensed the home support and Daniel Farke who was screaming for a card for the Boro striker who was performing defensive duties. As Canary confidence was growing Tettey had another effort which went well over the bar. If Boro weren’t careful it was looking like our failure to put serious pressure on the patched up Yellow shirted backline could come back to haunt us. As solid as we were defensively we were not creative or inventive enough in the opposition half despite a throw in collected by Besic who turned inside but his shot was woeful as he had plenty of power but zero precision.

With five minutes to half time Clayton cleaned out Leitner picking up the game’s first yellow card and his third of the season. Norwich looked vulnerable at the back but as the half drew to a conclusion and added time it was Norwich who were starting to enjoy more efforts on goal albeit mostly high and wide. Boro were happy to absorb the best that Norwich had to throw at them but it was looking like unless we earned a set piece opportunity it was unlikely we would be troubling ex Toon keeper Krul anytime soon. The whistle went for half time in what started very positively for Boro but had ended in a somewhat underwhelming fashion despite drawing away from home and keeping a clean sheet we could and should have put Krul under more pressure.

The Second half commenced with no changes from either Manager. Pukki starting proceedings as the ball was passed back Karanka style to their Keeper Krul. There didn’t appear to be any positional changes from the managers so it was pretty much as you were surprisingly. My guess is that Farke thought a home draw against Boro was a sensible outcome and TP was waiting for a set piece to nick it. A quick clear out from Randolph to Britt saw a hand ball by Zimmerman but Britt was adjudged to have fouled the stand in defender and the chance ended abruptly by the whistle of Ref Andy Davies.

Howson was needed to clear his lines conceding a throw in as Norwich had started looking the livelier. Boro were remaining solid or perhaps static was a better description with the five at the back being impenetrable the Canaries were running around but getting nowhere. TP made a strange substitution with Saville on for Besic in an effort presumably to add some midfield support for the frustrated and forlorn looking Britt. The Midfield wasn’t at its best generally but perhaps Pulis thought he could improve his side’s attempts on goal ratio more with Saville rather than Besic who after his International exertions hadn’t particularly influenced the game. In terms of influence there were not many Boro players that had influenced the game or at least certainly not in a positive manner.

Tettey who had been lively had another effort as he was looking the only Norwich player likely to break the deadlock. Assombalonga then went down in the Norwich box for a weak penalty claim from which Norwich quickly went down the other end, passed the ball around and as warned by Jarkko on here Pukki prodded the ball into the net. The inevitability of it had been building and the lack of a switch at half time just invited it. Bringing on Saville for Besic didn’t alter anything when something more creative was required.

The goal forced another much needed Boro change and Braithwaite entered the fray at the expense of Dael Fry as TP switched to a back four. An immediate free kick from Downing didn’t get over the wall and was cleared as the home fans had now found their voices sensing blood. A goal behind after failing to apply any pressure had now forced Boro to abandon their solid defensive plan as things heated up and Clayts clattered again by Stiepermann who belatedly collected a yellow card after escaping one for an earlier challenge. Ryan Shotton uncharacteristically slipped and allowed Hernandez in as attention levels were dipping and Boro now focussed on trying to get back in the game.

The contest now opened up with Downing, Saville, Howson and Brathwaite all trying to create something with Norwich looking dangerous and their confidence levels growing. It was frustrating to find ourselves chasing the game when we had looked so resolute for the bulk of the match but failed to capitalise by not offering any attacking threat. Clayton was now struggling from his many challenges and Shotton had to come to our rescue blocking another Norwich attempt. Hugill was being readied and introduced for Clayton who was clearly struggling as TP went with what looked like a front three. The new set up was unsure amongst the Boro Players as to who was supposed to be playing where and it showed for the next few minutes?

Norwich where clearly seeking to take advantage of this Boro confusion and continued attacking as we reshaped ourselves in what looked like a 433 of sorts. A free kick from Downing just over the half way line was poorly delivered and the ball ended up back with Randolph. A shot from Hernandez driving into the 18 yard box was fortunately weakly hit at Randolph. Hugill then was teed up by Downing who couldn’t make his header count. Buendia then went off for Vrancic as Farke made a double change to hold in to what his side had earned with a quarter of an hour remaining, the second switch saw Stiepermann off and Tom Trybull on.

Assombalonga broke after being set up by a Hugill flick on and was subsequently fouled by Klose who was then sent off for a second yellow. The Lineman intervened presumably for an offside decision and the second booking revoked by the Ref and Norwich back to eleven players. With ten minutes remaining Boro were now applying belated pressure and a throw in saw Shotton launch a trade mark throw at Flint and Ayala which was knocked out for a Corner to Boro. Downing then floated the ball in to Ayala who knocked it back to Hugill but the ball was too high and it came to nothing.

Time was desperately running out as Jordan Rhodes was readied by Farke to offer a fresh outlet for the tiring Teemu Pukki. The offside flag came to the rescue again for Norwich as Downing sent another ball into the Canaries box. Leitner then indulged in some theatrics running the clock down claiming that Assombalonga had hit him in the face with five minutes remaining. Boro were scrappy and looking disjointed, running out of ideas almost as fast as time. Our build up play continually looked laboured and unconvincing; Norwich meanwhile battled and scrapped to hold on to what they had earned. We now had all the right players on the pitch but it just wasn’t clicking and nearly suffered more when sub Trybull nearly put the game to the sword on the 90th minute.

The time wasting techniques from the home side was reflected in the 6 minutes of added time much to the anger of Farke. A weak Ayala effort was ineffective summing up our afternoon as we were now running out of time. To compound things the Spaniard nearly set up Rhodes after a poor pass which was read thankfully by Downing but the ensuing chaos then saw Ayala give away a free kick on the edge of the “D”. Vrancic’s effort hit the Boro wall and with Braithwaite quickly reacting he fed Assombalonga who was brought down and a ridiculously quickly taken free kick came to nothing as Flint was trying to get up field. A Hugill hand ball was the end of Boro’s attempts for the day which overall were very poor all afternoon as we went down to our first defeat of the season.

A solid defensive display with no attacking threat gave way to a poorly conceded goal and then a series of substitutions and shuffles in a desperate attempt to rescue something in a very dysfunctional second half display from Boro. Overall it was unrecognisable from the Boro prior to the International break and the “Invincibles” certainly looked distinctly average today.

The annoying factor was that we done it to ourselves in failing to pressure one of the weakest defences in the Championship. Playing like that away to Leeds made sense but today was an opportunity totally and utterly spurned through a lack of endeavour. More creativity in the first half could have given this fixture an entirely different complexion from a Boro perspective and hopefully lessons will be learned from that, uninspiring summed it up. In terms of a MOM the only Player I could give it to was Clayton who crunched into tackles and literally gave his all for the cause before being forced off.

The result saw us slip to fourth place now and a very disappointing performance in front of the travelling army. The experience on the bench looked very impressive at three o’clock but when we went behind the lack of raw energy from the likes of Wing and Tavernier that we witnessed at the Den was sorely miss. The positive is that we can quickly put things right midweek.

Championship 2018-19: Week 7

Sat 15 Sep – 15:00: Norwich v Boro

Following a rather hectic August with eight league and cup fixtures packed into the opening few weeks all the fun and excitement ground to a halt while the League of Nations gathered to prevent a domestic fixture being played in anger. A time to reflect perhaps on whether all the right bodies managed to arrive in all the right places through the various random windows with seemingly random deadlines to buy, borrow and even pretend to borrow before buying – or indeed refuse to buy when all you wanted to do was borrow. At least the sight of Boro sitting tight at the top of the Championship with Leeds has prevented many asking the pertinent question of why Boro failed to re-invest a greater chunk of their £40m plus transfer gains on adding much-needed individual flair to a functional team.

A post-transfer deadline Tony Pulis has dutifully batted away criticism on the recruitment front and has frequently been supportive of his chairman’s spending. Interestingly, following the defeat in the play-offs against Aston Villa, Pulis declared “I know what we need and I know what’s necessary. I won’t waste Steve’s (Gibson) money – he’s spent an awful lot of money”. OK spending and wasting are two different things entirely, so it’s possible he may have been directing that comment at previous purchases. Though it’s a familiar theme that the Boro manager often refers to Steve Gibson as having spent £50m of his money last season on players. What he overlooks is that the club also raised over £40m in player sales to leave an estimated net spend of around £5-8m. Should we read anything into this spinning of spending or has the club decided a process of belt tightening is needed in order to improve the bank balance?

If the reason for failing to land high-profile targets is put down to the club prioritising getting value from the market then it may well be a sensible approach to running a football club. Though let’s not pretend the manager had to sell before he could buy this season due to the need of recouping a large portion of the £50m that Monk spent. The sales of Ben Gibson and Traore came as no surprise to many, the club also received an acceptable offer for Bamford and even the sale of Braithwaite was sanctioned too. The question will remain for some whether or not at some point the Boro manager will be given those banked funds to spend at a later date – though he should definitely not waste them.

Before wandering minds return to the long domestic Championship race ahead, those preoccupied with international events may still be contemplating how a group of three teams constitutes a ‘League’ in any meaningful way – it’s even barely a group and just one more than a tie. OK, the Champions League has been getting away with that particular misnomer for a couple of decades now, as the accepted definition of league is described as a group of teams who play each other over a specific period of time. So playing just two of the other eleven teams in your league doesn’t tick that pedantic box that also regards the baseball World Series as a local affair. The whole exercise was supposed to prevent meaningless international friendlies but having groups of three teams has now left England without a ‘competitive’ midweek fixture as Croatia play Spain – resulting in the arrangement of a meaningless friendly against the Swiss instead. It may be too soon to raise a sheepish hand and claim to have spotted a structural flaw in UEFA’s cunning plan – especially as many are still getting over being patronised by TV presenters telling viewers it’s all too complicated to explain how the tournament works. Some are instead forced to Google ‘how does the Nations League work’ – though in truth few even care. They just want the break to end.

The summer recruitment has seen the Boro squad probably reshaped out of necessity rather than design, though it remains to be seen who will become important components of the Tony Pulis heavy-duty functional machine as the season progresses. Aden Flint has already established himself as Ben Gibson’s replacement and looks set to form a central back-three with Fry and Ayala. Danny Batth arrived late under the radar from Wolves to offer further defensive back-up, plus with Friend and Shotton both capable of playing in a central three, it should offer enough cover. Southampton youngster Sam McQueen has also moved to Teesside on loan in the hope of gaining regular football and looks like cover for left wing-back or possibly a left midfield option – though his first-team outings last season amounted to less than 180 minutes spread over seven games so he may still not be match-fit. While Paddy McNair arrived from Sunderland as a central midfielder, he appears to be now being pencilled in as possible right wing-back cover after being overlooked in favour of both Mo Besic and Lewis Wing. With Howson and Clayton both being in excellent form, it may be a waiting game for McNair to stake his claim. Leadbitter has probably now dropped to understudy for Clayton and will probably get few opportunities this term.

Less clear is what will happen in the forward positions, Boro appear to have no stand-out striker with Britt working hard but not looking clinical enough to spearhead a promotion push. The arrival of Jordan Hugill on loan from West Ham is probably going to provide Assombalonga’s with his main competition for a start but the Boro-born striker still looks a little rusty and more of a nuisance than a threat. Whether a fit-again Rudy Gestede will be given a chance to impress up front is hard to say but Pulis seems to quite like having the big target man leading the line. It’s also doubtful if Ashley Fletcher can become anything more than a peripheral figure and he probably only remained at the Riverside because other targets didn’t arrive. At least Martin Braithwaite remains and had looked our most committed forward until he asked for a move to Spain. As it turned out, the interest in the Dane wasn’t matched by any serious numbers being offered by potential buyers and Pulis expects the player will now get his head down and work hard for the team – at least until the January window opens.

Though in terms of creativity or pace, Boro don’t appear to have much at their disposal and are now over-reliant on Stewart Downing continuing with his good start to the season as he rolls back the proverbial years. The other main option appears to be George Saville, who the club will pay a substantial fee of around £7m in January to make the move permanent. Millwall manager Neil Harris described it as a “ridiculous offer” that was too good to turn down for a player they paid only £350,000 for 12 months earlier. Boro fans will be hoping the former Chelsea academy graduate will justify the price-tag but that kind of figure has become the club’s standard punt price in recent seasons. Although, he was the Lion’s joint-top scorer last season with 10 goals in 44 games, a 1-in-4 ratio, which he also repeated the season before at Wolves with 5 goals in 19 appearances. I suspect a similar return for Boro will make him a fans favourite, though much will depend on where he slots in or whether he quickly adjusts to life on Teesside.

Despite some new arrivals, Tony Pulis will have ultimately been disappointed he couldn’t recruit the wide players he had desired this summer. A last gasp loan deal for Albert Adomah fell through when the former Boro favourite insisted on making the deal permanent in January – which was unsurprising given some of the names his brother had called his Villa manager Steve Bruce on social media. Whether the club had previously targeted the right players is debatable but the criteria appeared to be based on those who had previously worked with the Boro manager at Palace and had only recently recovered from long-term injuries. Though it seems Yannick Bolasie and Jason Puncheon also had something else in common – neither of them wanted to move to the North-East. Not exactly a minor detail when profiling new recruits and perhaps best not left until the last question of the interview. Once Bolasie had done the maths and discovered Birmingham was much nearer to London he opted for Villa and left Pulis waiting for a courtesy call to inform him of his decision – perhaps he eventually sent a SMS with a sad-face Emoji followed by a thumbs down one.

With Jason Puncheon also opting to stay in London to fight for his place in Palace’s Caraboa Cup squad, it will mean he’ll not be carrying out his community service on Teesside. It will come as an obvious disappointment to those in need of litter being picked up and will no doubt also leave a local group building dry-stone walls a man light. Pulis had rated his former player quite highly and once said “Punch could be anything he wanted to be, he has got the tools to be a top player” – though in hindsight it’s perhaps an unfortunate nickname for someone ending up in court on an assault charge. Sadly, the Palace winger’s decision to stay put has robbed the Riverside faithful of seeing him link up with the big man Gestede in what could have become the Punch and Rudy show as they demonstrated to their team-mates “that’s the way to do it”. Teesside could have benefited from a bit of traditional 16th century knockabout theatre orchestrated by the veteran puppet-master Pulis. If I recall correctly, historians believe Mr Punch was based on a character called ‘Pulisinella’, who was the manifestation of the Lord of Misrule and a mythological Trickster figure. Folklore claim this figure “exhibited a great degree of intellect or secret knowledge and used it to play tricks or otherwise disobey normal rules and conventional behaviour” – or in other words, ‘Old School’.

Though when it comes to persuading footballers to join your club, it may be for some that their priority is not what happens on the pitch but instead the potential for enjoying the lifestyle and being on the guest list of different kinds of clubs altogether. Perhaps for those on comfortable contracts, who are not quite destined for Champions League clubs or a career of winning titles and medals, the need for self-affirmation by displaying their ‘achievements’ is instead confined to simply showing off their wealth and minor celebrity status. It was not too long ago that owning a Ford Escort XR3i with alloy wheels was the status symbol of choice for young footballers to show they had arrived. However, with more money now raining down on wealth-soaked players it has meant they now need more impressive cars, even more extravagant haircuts, sharper suits and less space being left on their bodies for under-achieving flesh-coloured skin. The echo chamber that this nouveau riche elite find themselves in demands they have the right to reverberate their wealth loud and proud to distinguish them from those cast adrift in the austere normal world outside their cosseted bubble.

Of course, not all footballers fall into this trap of an ostentatious lifestyle but the pressures to conform to the required image may have made many make ill-conceived impulsive decisions. Peter Crouch revealed this week why he once gave up his brand new Aston Martin after only a week. The Stoke striker recalled of how after signing for Liverpool and playing for England he finally thought he’d made it, so decided to ditch his Renault Megane for a top-of-the-range flashy sports car. The eventual decision to part with his trophy car and take a hefty financial hit wasn’t because of the daily struggle to get his six-foot-seven frame in and out of it. Rather it was down to one day arriving at a set of traffic lights, wearing his shades, trying to look cool with his arm resting out of the open window as the car stereo thumped out electronic dance music. As Crouch proudly turned to the side to look at the car standing alongside him, he saw that the driver giving him a look of sheer disgust was none other than Roy Keane, who then sped off from the lights leaving him feeling the smallest he’s ever felt. Crouch said after glancing at himself in the car mirror, he suddenly realised it was not him and sold the car a few days later.

Still he can perhaps console himself that even people more powerful than the former Manchester United captain, have been recently seeking to emulate his style. It was generally assumed when it came to robotic dancing few could match Peter Crouch’s famous goal celebration – however, Prime Minister Theresa May showed us last week that while she may not have all the Brexit moves or can pull the right shapes to impress Brussels, her hopefully unchoreographed efforts in South Africa have proved she can indeed dance like no one wished they were watching. Not content with wowing the school children of Cape Town with her ‘Maybot’ rendition, she continued where she left off with another ‘impromptu’ robo-bop with a group of scouts in Nairobi.

All of which has left many wondering if the UK has been left with no alternative but to dance around the world for trade deals as the negotiations on leaving the EU begin to creak even more than the PM’s knees. Of course, it may just be a carefully contrived plan to see off a leadership challenge from Boris Johnson as she tries to outmanoeuvre him in the looking like an idiot stakes – something the electorate apparently give great credence too as a sign of normality. Not to be outdone, it’s rumoured that Jeremy Corbyn and the NEC are planning to form a circle then perform their rendition of the Horah at the up-coming Labour Party conference, possibly in full orthodox Jewish costume, in a bid to once and for all put the whole antisemitism episode behind them.

Whether the replicant PM risks been hunted down by Harrison Ford for her Maybot moves as she denies ever dreaming of electric sheep while running through fields of genetically-modified wheat is perhaps for another blog. Though, we were once again powerfully reminded this week that the opening scenes to the cult movie Blade Runner were inspired by ICI Wilton when the first episode of the docu-soap ‘The Mighty Redcar’ appeared on the small screen. Whereas Ridley Scott’s film portrayed a dystopian future, the story of a struggling town in the North-East brought into stark reality the dystopian present for many of the young people feeling forgotten in the quest to fulfil their modest dreams.

The contrast between the meagre resources available to many on Teesside and those bestowed upon the heroes of their local football team remind us of how great the gulf in wealth has grown over the last few decades. It’s possible both may have even started life on the same streets, though the value given to being able to play a sport well has been driven up by the market in a seemingly unburstable bubble, fuelled by the satellite TV subscriptions of the masses to leave them a world apart. Maybe a little simplistic to compare the few at the very top of their profession to the many left behind, but it puts into context that the game of football has moved on from its working-class roots and has become an elite sport performed by the new elite.

Living your dreams through the eyes of the rich and famous is nothing new, though the cult of celebrity and fame has left many young people to believe their best chance in life is to emulate them. In times past, being good at football or cricket in a working-class town was an escape from a life down the mines or back-breaking toil in the traditional heavy industries. However, the dream being sold now is the same as winning the lottery and it’s not really something that the overwhelming majority can expect will be a realistic outcome. Today, fulfilling an ambition to become a top professional footballer offers wealth beyond imagination but for nearly all who embark on the journey it will end in failure. In his book ‘No Hunger in Paradise’, Michael Calvin claims that of the 1.5 million boys who play organised youth football in England only 180 will make it as a Premier League player – which is a success rate of just 0.012 per cent. In comparison, professor Stephen Nelson has calculated the chances of getting killed by a meteorite at about 0.0004%. So the good news for aspiring young footballers is that you’re 30 times more likely to become a Premier League player than being killed by a meteorite – though the bad news for those banking on winning the lottery is that you’re nearly six times more likely to be killed by a meteorite instead.

Thankfully the odds on Boro’s dream of playing in the Premier League are much more favourable after their unbeaten start to the season with Sky Bet now barely offering 5/2 on promotion for Tony Pulis’s team. Though the pessimists on Teesside looking for value in the market may anticipate a decent return with Boro standing at 200/1 to be relegated. The result at Elland Road was an important measure of the club’s promotion credentials and there was definitely signs of a team in Tony Pulis’s image being on display. Boro looked like an imposing big team compared to Leeds and perhaps not many opposition outfits will deal with our sheer physical presence. A glance through some of the Leeds fan forums showed a distinct lack of irony on display as most were quick to castigate Boro as nothing more than a physical dirty team of giants who wouldn’t let them play their football – at least it demonstrated which supporters were most pleased with the result if not aware of their club history.

Next up is a trip to Carrow Road to play a Norwich team that have only managed one win in their opening six games and have leaked 12 goals – with 9 of those coming against Leeds, Sheffield United and West Brom. The Canaries five points have been picked up against Birmingham, Preston and Ipswich – none of whom have won any of their last five games. Norwich have actually scored as many goals as Boro with both teams firing 9 a piece but the Teessiders have now gone over 500 minutes since Randolph last had to pick the ball out of his net. On paper it looks like Boro will be looking to bank another three points but the Championship is notorious for punishing the complacency of teams who believe they have enough to win.

A hard-fought point at Leeds will count for little if Boro fail to see off less dangerous opposition. Perhaps Boro supporters may be checking the odds on Ayala and Howson scoring on their return to Carrow Road – though others may be more worried about a certain Jordan Rhodes being the first to breach the Boro back line since Tony Pulis made his first half-time team-talk of the season at the Den.

Despite the angst over missed targets who could maybe offer something different and the loss of individual match-winners like Adama and Bamford, the truism that football is a team game is perhaps reflected in Boro’s performance so far this season. Whether it’s sport, business or even politics, successfully working together will normally improve your chances of achieving mutual goals – unless of course you prefer to gamble on individual brilliance and get extremely lucky!